Are you in survival mode?

When you are stuck in survival mode, life feels heavy. Emotions swirl and are hard to identify. Everything seems overwhelming.

Most of us experience this shift into survival mode at some points in our lives. And unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for women in midlife. Sometimes we retreat into this mode when we’re experiencing overwhelming change. And sometimes it comes when we’re simply trying to stay afloat in an overly busy life. **

Survival mode is stressful

Survival mode doesn’t feel good and we’re not meant to live in this condition. Our bodies are great communicators, and usually, this is where we first notice the early signs of survival mode.

Under stress, our autonomic nervous system kicks into gear to protect us from danger. And depending on the dangerous (or perceived dangerous) circumstances, the body shifts into high gear (with fight, flight or “fawn” reactions) — or it shifts us metaphorically into low gear (and we become detached or in a “frozen” state).

What happens when we’re in survival mode

Our nervous systems react to stress or danger with both our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, parts of our brain. The sympathetic nervous system floods our bodies with cortisol and adrenaline when we need to act quickly. The parasympathetic nervous system operates when we are in a relaxed state — but it also shifts in to protect us without thought when needed.

“When your body goes into fight/flight/fawn or freeze, blood flow is directed away from the prefrontal cortex so that the energy can be distributed elsewhere. When you live only from the brain stem, everything else is ‘offline.'”

Aundi Kolber, Try Softer

Our nervous systems are running the show

When we’re in a fight, flight or “fawn” state, we’re operating out of our sympathetic nervous system. Experts call this state hyperarousal. We may have a racing pulse and physical shakes, and we often notice strong emotions such as anxiety, fear or anger. We may feel out of control or overwhelmed. In this state, another reaction is to “fawn” or over-accommodate people around us, seeking to calm them and our environment.

The parasympathetic nervous system reaction to stress is the freeze state, sometimes referred to as hypoarousal. In this state, our bodies react as if they’re protecting us from danger that we can’t escape. In extreme situations, we may feel paralyzed or frozen and unable to take action. But it can also present as feeling exhausted, depressed or simply zoned out. Sometimes we can feel numb, disconnected, or as though we’re observing ourselves from a distance.

So, how do we move beyond survival mode?

Self care has become a buzz word that really doesn’t go deep enough. But, we do have to begin with taking care of ourselves. In Try Softer, Aundi Kolber explains that we need to learn to be “kinder to the wounded parts of ourselves.” We have to embrace personal growth as a journey, not a one-time event.

I think this is particularly true for many of us in midlife. We’ve added on roles and responsibilities, pursuing education and careers, finding meaningful relationships (husbands), and having children. We’ve tried to take care of ourselves with hobbies, friends, and activities.

It’s in this dance that life became a balancing act. We neglected ourselves bit by bit, over time, and we need to give ourselves time to recover.

We must first notice we’re over-extended

For a long time, I didn’t recognize that I was in survival mode. I often felt behind, and I kept telling myself that I just needed to be more organized and efficient. Being caught up was over-rated, anyway, right?

I couldn’t name exact feelings, because I was so emotionally overwhelmed. It took me some time to realize that by not making choices in my life, I was making a choice.

And I’ve finally learned that trying to do it all was a “siren’s call” of distraction.

And then pay attention

As I’ve learned to listen to my body and recognize the signs of being in survival mode, I’ve let go of things and habits that don’t serve me. When we begin to pay attention to our bodies, minds and spirits, we can contemplate new ways of being that are kinder to ourselves.

And, as we make small changes, our bodies begin to trust us again, to know that we’re paying attention to them. It’s as if our whole system relaxes and we can begin to move forward. Experts tell us our nervous systems respond by stepping out of survival mode and allowing higher levels of our thinking brains to engage.

I’m learning, slowly, to trust myself, to listen and hear my own voice, to make conscious choices that support who I am and who I want to be.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey!

** If survival mode has become a way of life or you’ve experienced trauma, it’s important to consult a counselor or therapist!