Our culture has taught us to “grin and bear it” and that “when the going gets tough the tough get going.” We have responsibilities, expectations, and pressing challenges.

We’re hard-wired to keep at it even when we’re exhausted or overwhelmed. This work ethic serves us well in many situations — and at times, it causes us to get in our own way.

We’re not meant to live at full speed

Full speed is for running from serious threats and protecting ourselves. Our bodies and minds keep us safe by jumping into action when we’re under attack.

But many of us slipped into patterns of moving at full speed all. the. time. We live as if we’re under threat every moment of the day.

It’s counter-intuitive to take a break from the action. We might miss out. Or worse yet, not live up to our own or the world’s expectations.

But we’re paying a price for this mindset of operating at full speed.

We need breathing room

Our bodies, minds and spirits need time to adjust to the experiences we live. We need to recalibrate from the stresses and challenges we face in our every day, extraordinary lives.

And truly, is anything so urgent that we can’t stop for a moment? Will the world stop if we aren’t in constant motion ourselves?

“Taking regular, mindful breaks throughout the day helps to not only improve your concentration and overall productivity but importantly it helps to re-energize your mind.”

Calm.com, 20 Ways to take a mindful break

Mindful breaks heal us

Another definition of being mindful is simply giving one’s full attention to the present moment. Experts say that stepping out of the action, even for a few minutes, reenergizes our body, mind and spirit.

Vibay Chandran Weisbecker, a holistic wellness and mindfulness expert at Mindbody, says to “think of mindfulness breaks as mini stress-recovery sessions.” Quoted in the Well and Good blog, Weisbecker offers 3 Exercises for a Quick Mindfulness Break.

5 signs it’s time to take a mindful break

1. When your emotions are high — we can use time to reevaluate our emotions using the think, feel, act cycle (I wrote about this here: Are you mindfully present?)
2. When your body begins to protest (you’re sick, tired, lack focus) — our bodies tell the story of our lives and won’t let up until we stop and listen.
3. When you no longer feel joy — when we stop enjoying life, we lose our natural enthusiasm and often feel pressure to perform, numb or avoid the act of living.
4. When your mind is spinning in circles, anxious or racing — often we simply need time and space to gather our thoughts, process the circumstances, and make sense of a situation.
5. When you’re stuck — sometimes we can “pull it all together” in our own heads, without outside influence, but sometimes we need a mindfulness break to realize that we need an outside perspective or opinion.

You deserve a mindfulness break: Take it

Only you know how frequently you need a break — or how long those breaks should be. But the more I give myself space and time to be mindful, the more I discover I benefit. Start small and let it evolve!

May you find peace in mindful breaks. May you feel your mind, spirit and body settle. And may you gain renewed energy, passion and purpose in your life.

The post Take a mindful break appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

In Anchorage, flocks of ducks and geese gather on lawns and parks to feed and rest. The past two weekends, the swans have dropped in for a rest on our small lake, taking a break on their southbound flights.

As I watch these migrating birds, I consider the effort they put into flying hundreds, sometimes thousands of miles. It’s amazing how much energy they use!

Changing seasons require energy

They couldn’t complete their migrations without refueling. And just like them, we need refueling when we’re navigating big changes.

In the excitement (or sometimes dread) of change, we lose track of the energy it takes to navigate new territory.

Changes are hard on us emotionally, physically and mentally.

When change looms, it’s natural to dig in our heels and resist (which in its own right requires energy) or forge ahead enthusiastically. We tend to resort to working harder instead of pausing to refuel.

Rarely do we take the time to simply acknowledge that we’re going through a big change and give ourselves a break! It’s counterintuitive to slow down when it seems more effort is required.

We need time to process change

When we encounter change, we’re often doubly busy. We’re wrapping up what was and stepping into what’s to come. And both leaving and starting have their own set of emotions that we all too often ignore.

We’re often processing emotions on very many confusing levels. This is true even of positive changes, like watching our kids gain independence.

Becoming an empty-nester, for example, even in the best of circumstances, brings mixed emotions. We’re sad and happy that they’re stepping away from us, we’re excited and afraid. We’re nostalgic over the times we’ve had and worried we didn’t prepare them well enough. And, most of us don’t quite know what we’ll do with ourselves once they’re out the door.

Plus, it’s rarely a direct route to empty nest, especially during the pandemic. Many young adults “boomerang” in and out of the house for a period of time.

We need to refuel our hearts, minds and bodies

Refueling may look different for each of us. And it may look different for you in different seasons.

But whatever it looks like for you in this season, be sure to take the time you need. Pausing to refuel will give you energy for the rest of your journey!

Resources: Pause to refuel

• Try harder or live lighter?
• Building margins into your life
• Put yourself first
• Get fierce about self care
• Finding peace in the chaos
• We need buddies

The post Pause to refuel appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I learned to build in margins to our schedules, to allow space for the unexpected. And this made life flow much smoother. When those unexpected challenges hit, we had space to adapt!

But even with an empty nest, I find I need to revisit this concept regularly.

Building in margins doesn’t come naturally

I’ve had to learn and relearn many times to give myself space to breathe. I’m naturally inclined to over-schedule, over-commit, and over-function.

I forget in the rush of doing, to simply BE. A few years ago, I found a small wooden sign, stenciled with the simple words, “Be still.” The sign sits on the windowsill in my writing studio, a gentle reminder as I settle into my work each day.

Our culture favors achievement

I recently revisited a book that inspired me when my daughters were little. And as I thought of midlife moms, I realized it resonates for us as individuals as well as moms.

“Ours is a society that places high value on achievement and acquisition. The subtle rewards of contemplation, quiet, and deep connection with another human being are held in low esteem, if they are recognized at all. As a result, mothers are constantly pulled in two directions: Can we negotiate the demands of our careers and the world at large, and meet our own emotional and physical needs — not to mention those of our children — at the same time? KATRINA KENISON, MITTEN STRINGS FOR GOD

Did you catch that last sentence? We have to place value on meeting our own emotional and physical needs. And too often, we simply ignore the small whispers of our bodies and souls.

Margin gives us time to meet our own needs

As Kenison went on to say, the question is, without contemplation and quiet, how do we focus on what’s important? And are we ever able to tune in to our own inner lives?

We need reflection and quiet time to calm the chatter of our minds so that we can discern and take care of our very selves.

Have you left margin for yourself?

Or are you in a season of overwhelm that comes from over-functioning, over-committing, and over-scheduling? If you’re there, it may be time to take a break so that you can discern what it is that you really need to lighten up your load.

If you think you’ve fallen into a longer-term pattern of “margin-less” living, maybe it’s time to get honest with yourself and re-think how you’d like to live lighter in this next phase of life.

Resources

I’m on a journey to build more margins into my life and I love sharing what I’ve learned. Here are a few resources to help you find your own breathing space and reset your rhythms and patterns of living:

1. A free Timeout Strategies Checklist
2. If you’re ready for a deeper dive, check out this blog post on Jump starting your own midlife timeout.
3. I offer a limited number of free 30 minute introductory coaching sessions!

The post Building margins into your life appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Merriam-Webster defines a manifesto as: “a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.” We often see manifestos in the political arena, but also in the arts world, social work and other areas. And, yes, individuals have manifestos also!

A manifesto names your purpose

A manifesto helps you name a destination and a course to navigate to achieve your goals. It names deep important purposes and truths by which you live your life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about a manifesto to guide this midlife journey. In my late 30s and even in my 40s, I barely admitted that I was in midlife. I was so busy building a life that I rarely stopped to ponder the course of the life I was living.

Most of us enter midlife quietly

Our biggest cultural clue to midlife is that of a crisis — or menopause, neither of which sound exactly inviting. And so I think we avoid the topic, continue to let life unfold and attend to all of the aspects of our lives that were the goals of our younger selves.

We build families and careers, both of which require a good deal of energy from us. We learn to juggle the responsibilities that have come our way, balancing as if on a tightrope across treacherous grounds.

And if we’re lucky, we keep it all together

We raise healthy, happy kids. We pay attention to our marriages and our spouses, communicating well and growing ever closer. And, we find meaningful work that supports our family goals and helps us pay the bills.

But sometimes, life throws us curveballs and we’re not the picture-perfect family that shows up on Facebook or Instagram. What then?

How do we make decisions when we’re not where we thought we’d be?

To me, midlife becomes the space for navigating changes and challenges. And that’s why I think it’s so important to establish good guidelines early in this stage of life.

Navigating midlife IS different from other stages of life. To navigate successfully, we have to begin to think differently. And this is where, I think, having a midlife manifesto can be a real help!

How is a midlife manifesto different?

Several key factors differentiate midlife from other stages. As I begin to develop my own midlife manifesto, here are seven key aspects that I’m considering.

1. When we recognize that we’re in the “second third” of life, we begin to acknowledge that life is finite, our time is limited.
2. As we navigate midlife, we “settle into our own bones” and we become more confident in our strengths and more focused on doing what we do best.
3. With children getting older and becoming more and more independent we notice that we’re switching our leadership style to one of influence rather than one of control; we’re busy letting go!
4. Pain that we’ve hidden, avoided or numbed away begins to be more obvious, often showing up as health issues or even addictive behaviors (think wine o’clock, constant social media scrolling, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, etc.).
5. We begin to yearn for a simpler life, less scheduled and less cluttered. We need more margin in our lives.
6. We often realize that we’ve put self-care, deep soul nourishment in particular, too far down the “to do list.”
7. And, we place greater emphasis on and seek new ways to make a difference in the world, more in line with our strengths and interests.

What would you include in a midlife manifesto?

Navigating the changes and challenges of middle adulthood requires a new way of thinking and being. And, we navigate best with a community of like-minded people. I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!

The post A midlife manifesto appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

In fact, few of us readily admit that we are in midlife or “middle aged.” Our culture favors the young and the strong. And we rarely see getting older as an advantage.

But middle age is an important development milestone for human beings. And it’s worth exploring when it begins so that we can effectively navigate this middle adulthood phase.

Can we define middle age numerically?

While middle age seems like it could be a numeric calculation, even age isn’t a definitive measure. The average life expectancy in the United States is currently 77.8 years. Females have a longer life expectancy, 80.5 years, on average outliving males by five years.

So in the U.S., the numeric midpoint for a person’s life span is between 37 and 40. But is that the starting point for middle age? Even ages 37-40 seems low by most accounts. While some reports say that adults begin entering middle age by 35, others default to 45 or even 50.

If not a set point, is there a date range?

We seem to have a problem with defining midlife and middle age. Merriam Webster defines midlife with just two words: middle age. Search middle age and you get, “The period of life from about 45 to about 64.” — Merriam-webster.com

Google takes it a step further and defines it as “the central period of a person’s life, generally considered as the years from about 45 to 55.” Psychology Today defines midlife as “the central period of a person’s life, spanning from approximately age 40 to age 65.”

It’s clear that middle age isn’t “just a number”

Middle age and midlife are terms that generate discussion, avoidance and dispute. But in the end, there are a few key points to help us better understand when middle age begins:

• “Middle age is the period in your life when you are no longer young but have not yet become old. Middle age is usually considered to take place between the ages of 40 and 60.” — Collinsdictionary.com
• A Chicago Tribune column written more than 35 years ago asked: When does a person reach middle age? After surveying readers, he received answers varying between 30 and 50 — and concluded that perhaps one day, though not likely, “It may become cool to be middle-aged.”
• Psychology Today writes, “Midlife or middle age is that transitional period of life between young adulthood and old age.” 
• Gail Sheehy, best-selling author of Passages, The Silent Passage, and New Passages, wrote in her author’s note at the beginning of New Passages: “The first glimpses of a midlife perspective usually begin to startle us in the middle of our thirties. Time starts to pinch.” She goes on to talk about the death of First Adulthood and the transition into Second Adulthood, defining it as a search for meaning.
• Some experts define it more as a state of mind. A Huffpost article highlights a study indicating that midlife begins somewhere near 35 and ends around 50 — and lists 25 Surefire Signs You’ve Finally Hit Middle Age.

Perhaps middle age begins when we say it does

Middle aged jokes aside, perhaps middle age begins for us when our mindset shifts. When we’re ready to admit that we’re no longer young –but we’re not yet old. When we begin to acknowledge numbered days and wonder what we will do with the rest of our one good life.

And perhaps middle age begins when we’re ready to think about what our epitaph will say or how our eulogy will read. Or, when we reach a point where we’re more interested in the life in our days than the days in our lives.

When does middle age begin?

Perhaps it’s less about when middle age begins and it’s more about how we spend these middle adulthood years! Think of middle age as an important transition, one in which we switch to living life more intentionally.

Think of it as a time when you can make dramatic changes in your life and habits. And when you can take care of your body, soul and mind so that you have room for greater experiences and contributions to the world.

Middle age means less time to waste

“No matter how you tell yourself
It’s what we all go through
Those lines are pretty hard to take
When they’re staring back at you
Oh, scared you’ll run out of time
When did the choices get so hard
With so much more at stake
Life gets mighty precious
When there’s less of it to waste”

― Bonnie Raitt, Nick of Time

If you’re noticing that you’re more in the middle age bucket than the young one, you’ll find lots of resources here on this website. Here are a few to get you started!

• Life is in the transitions
• What’s my role in the middle?
• Are you having a midlife crisis?

Plus, if you’d like a little help to work through the transition, I offer coaching and mentoring to help you deal with shifting roles, face unexpected challenges, and navigate toward fulfilling your dreams.

The post When does middle age begin? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

We don’t want to admit that we’re in midlife, because that means we’re getting old and we don’t feel old. And most of us certainly wouldn’t say we’re in imminent danger because we’re handling life just fine, thank you.

Sure, we’re navigating big and little changes, but we are strong and resourceful. But I have a hunch if you’re reading this that you sometimes wonder if you really do have it all under control. Or perhaps you wonder if you’re missing out on something?

Let’s explore this a little.

What is a midlife crisis?

To begin with, the term “midlife crisis” is not a recognized mental health diagnosis. According to Verywellmind.com, “People who are having a midlife crisis are thought to be struggling with their own mortality and, somewhere during midlife, they ditch some of their responsibilities in favor of fun. That’s why the term “midlife crisis” often causes people to picture mistresses and sports cars.”

And researchers don’t agree on what constitutes a midlife crisis. The American Psychological Association says an emotional crisis is evident from “a clear and abrupt change in behavior.” Often, the breaking or crisis point in midlife for many is not aging, but an external event such as a divorce, a move, a job change, and/or personal or family illness or death.

Mental health professionals debate if we truly go through a crisis in middle age. Just 26 percent of Americans report having had a midlife crisis.

However, many health experts agree on a consistent and significant dip in overall happiness and personal satisfaction during in this mid-life phase. Healthline reports that many men and women between 40 and 60 do go through “a prolonged period of malaise and questioning.”

Why do we dislike the phrase “midlife”?

Gail Sheehy, best-selling author of Passages, The Silent Passage, and New Passages, described the “psychic drama” of entering midlife. Western culture favors the young and paints a poor picture of middle age and aging. Plus, none of us want to face our own mortality.

In the author’s note at the beginning of the book, Sheehy wrote of entering middle adulthood as similar to watching the waves of the ocean, fearful of being swallowed by a sudden riptide.

We think of it as the beginning of the end

Inevitably, we think of midlife as the beginning of our big decline into “old age.” Sheehy described her own journey, saying:

“I too was running along the edge. The structure of my own world — the world of still-youngness where we can take our health for granted and throw ourselves at life, unprepared for inconsolable losses — was disintegrating. Since the thought of our own death is too terrifying to confront head-on, it keeps coming back in various disguises.”

But what if it’s a gift?

Whether we recognize and admit it or not, we’re no longer as young as we used to be. And, many of us in our 40s and 50s are approaching the halfway point in our expected lifespan. This is middle age, by definition.

Even 25 years ago, Sheehy’s purpose was to help us see a “rebellious purpose” in the Second Adulthood phase. She wanted us to redefine middle life and to think of passing into this new phase as a “conscious shift to another stage of life” — as a gift.

Most of us aren’t in crisis

We are strong women in our 40s and 50s and we’re getting a lot done. We’re building careers, doing meaningful work, marrying, having children. By most accounts, we’re achieving our dreams and have successful lives.

This just doesn’t feel like either midlife or a crisis. At least not in a way that we’d recognize or admit.

You may be in the process of shifting

Most of us won’t experience what has been called a midlife crisis, but instead more of a midlife shift. Over time, we begin to acknowledge that in-between space of life.

We begin to recognize that our kids grow older and more independent. We notice that we’ve settled into rhythms of work and life. Or, we begin to think more about retirement and what we want to do with the rest of our lives.

If you do experience a true emotional crisis, whether as a reaction to the prospect of aging or due to external factors, seek qualified help. There are many resources to help you deal effectively with major emotional upsets, including psychologists, psychiatrists, pastors, spiritual counselors and others. In most areas of North America, you can find free and confidential community resources by dialing 211.

Signs of shifting into midlife

Below are some ways you might notice you’re moving toward what Sheehy calls Second Adulthood. You might be shifting into midlife if you’ve ever:

• Said, “I’m not quite where I thought I’d be at this stage of my life.”
• Thought, “my kids are becoming more independent, and I’m not quite sure what’s next.”
• Yearned for a slower tempo and pace to life, for simplicity.
• Felt overwhelmed by multiple responsibilities and unsure if you’ve taken on more than you should.
• Wanted more time for reflection and thoughtful consideration.
• Found yourself reaching for unhealthy ways to unwind, destress, calm down.
• Questioned your purpose or identity, or sought deeper meaning in life.
• Explored who you’d like to be in the next phase of your life or what you’d like to do differently.
• Asked yourself, as Sheehy says, “How shall we live the rest of our lives?”

Resources for your journey

Navigating midlife has so much possibility when we approach it intentionally! For more inspiration and practical tips, check out these articles on:

• balancing midlife roles,
• navigating change,
• being in the sandwich generation,
• controlling what you can control,
• finding peace and purpose in midlife, or
• learning to prioritize self care.

Let’s do this together!

The post Are you having a midlife crisis? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Whether your work space is at home or in an office building, when you declutter your office work space and set up strong routines you clear mental space! For many of us, work has changed dramatically in the past few months.

Not only are more of us working from home, but our homes have become the center of so much more. And our spaces often aren’t the best equipped for our new realities.

Here are a few ways to declutter your office or work space and create positive routines to boost your productivity. With a decluttered work life, you’ll have more time to focus on all the other priorities in your life!

Conventional organizing wisdom

There are plenty of organizational gurus that will tell you simple tips for organizing your space. These lists often start with purging your office of unnecessary supplies, setting up a good organizational system, and ensuring everything has a place.

All of these are great tips — and I encourage you to think about what works for you in these ways.

But here’s what I’m finding is most important

In these days of changing routines, more time at home, and increasing uncertainty over the shape of our lives for who knows how long, it’s important to have a space that you LOVE. For me, this means a space that is cozy, simple, well-organized and happy.

I want to enjoy my work. And what helps me do that are a few simple things that I view as MOST important.

Make your office space and routines work for you

1. Find a space in your home that suits your work — make sure it has good lighting, and room for you to have what you need readily at hand. If space is tight, look for ways to make your home office portable so that you can easily set up and take down your work area.
2. Remove any unnecessary objects that distract you from your work. Myquilyn Smith calls this process “quieting” the room.
3. Have a definitive routine to start and end your day. Our hearts and minds love a good routine and creating a rhythm to begin and finish your day brings calmness.
4. Streamline and “batch process” routine tasks. Several organizational experts recommend setting timers for certain tasks, such as posting to social media or reviewing emails. This increases productivity and helps us focus!
5. Declutter your digital work space. Many of the tips included in the Declutter your digital footprint post also apply to your work life. Unsubscribe from unnecessary emails and ensure you have the applications and software to effectively do your work.
6. Set clear boundaries. When you’re working from home, it’s easy to be distracted by — well, everything! Our people seem louder than usual, household chores beckon, and maybe just a little snack would be good. Use a “do not disturb” sign and hold yourself accountable for your work time.

Declutter your office work space and gain control

We have so much going on in this middle adulthood period of life — and gaining control of each portion brings calmness, perspective, and a better sense of priority. Next week, we’ll cover another important aspect of our lives: relationships.

The post Declutter your office / work space appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I had to remind myself to have patience with this messy middle stage today, when life and changing roles converged at dinner time. I found myself juggling getting food on the table, helping my husband rearrange the garage so he could get his car out for a drive, and giving opinions to my daughter about wedding dress accents. And then the nurse from mom’s assisted living home called to say they’re sending her to the ER for evaluation.

It’s hard to know your purpose

We’ve been told that the magic is in the middle, and yet, so often we simply feel caught in a changing world, putting out fires, and struggling to make sense of life. We feel as though this isn’t how our lives are supposed to be (see I’m not where I thought I’d be).

This discomfort is normal

One of the earliest and foremost experts on life stages, Gail Sheehy, author of “New Passages: Mapping Your Life Across Time“>New Passages,” and

“We must be willing to change chairs if we want to grow. There is no permanent compatibility between a chair and a person. And there is no one right chair. What is right at one stage may be restricting at another or too soft. During the passage from one stage to another, we will be between two chairs. Wobbling no doubt, but developing.”

I wrote about this tension between the familiar and the new in A season of letting go.

When we let go, we make space for the new

The muddle, sometimes uncomfortable, is part of the process of becoming new. When your roles shift and change, trust that you’re right where you need to be.

This sometimes messy muddle leads us to a new phase of life. We find our way by letting go what we’ve known to be true so that we can embrace the new. We may feel “wobbly” as we navigate changing roles and relationships with our adult children, our parents, even our spouses. But as Sheehy said, that’s how we grow.

And God always meets us in the muddle

I’m still waiting to hear back from the ER, but mom’s joking with the nurses. We’re pretty certain it’s part of a chronic condition and not life-threatening. We’ll let the doctors sort it out. And, I know that God’s got this.

Embrace this muddle in the middle and you’ll find your space.

The post Muddling through (the middle) appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I take a walk every morning with my husband, my best buddy. We start our day grounded, feet moving, air on our faces, with a view of the mountains. He’s more awake than I am most days. Waking up is, for me, a gradual process.

I noticed the empty buddy bench

On our walk this morning, I saw the buddy bench at our neighborhood school, sitting empty at the beginning of a new school year. I stopped, my heart caught in my throat. I paused because this bench is designed for the lonely, the left-out, the hurting child — and while it sits empty, somewhere a child needs a buddy.

In this strange pandemic back-to-school season, I’m reminded that we need buddies even more. And we need to look out for each other, be the buddy to others that may struggle in this season.

We need buddies in the day-to-day

My husband and I have walked this path near the elementary school for several years now, but more intentionally the past two years. We walk through the seasons together, through spring, summer, fall and winter.

Some days we have easy conversations, about the weather, the day’s work. We connect about our schedules, our hopes and dreams, our life.

On our daily walks, we discuss our kids, our parents, how we are feeling, and what we want out of the day. We talk about routine things, like what we need at the store or who’s “on dishes.”

Other days, the conversation can be difficult, tinged by bad feelings, unresolved tensions, sadness, or tough problems. Still, we walk. Still, we talk. And when the words come slow, or fast and angry, we listen.

We especially need buddies in transitions

Over more than 30 years of marriage, we’ve learned that we need to talk more in times of change or stress. We process better as a team, when we each have a voice, work through changing and sometimes challenging emotions, and listen to each other’s hearts.

This buddy walk is good for our souls. Through the walking and talking, we come back to what’s important, to each other.

We all need buddies to reach out

I’ve heard a familiar ring on social media and in many of my circles. Some days we’re doing okay and some days we need a friend to check in on us. All of us experience days where we struggle with this unfamiliar world.

But some of us struggle more than others. And if we had a virtual bench, you might see some of these people hanging out, hoping to connect:

• Health care workers: “We do this work because we care deeply, but we’re tired and worried.”
• Law enforcement officers: “We see firsthand the impact on families and the cultural unrest.”
• Musicians: “We hurt from not singing together, in person.”
• Elderly in assisted living or nursing homes: “We miss visitors and going out on field trips.”
• Teachers: “We want to make a difference in the lives of children but this learning situation is new and different, and we’re worried about the kids..”
• And students: “We miss our friends and getting away from this family we’re now with All. The. Time.”

Be the buddy you need(ed).

The local school buddy bench may be closed for a season, but you can still reach out to someone you think might need a friend. And just as importantly, you can raise your hand when you’re feeling lonely or left out, disappointed, hurt, even scared.

How can you create a virtual buddy bench? Get creative! One of the online organizations I belong to hosted an open meeting room in Zoom, a virtual bench of sorts called the Sofa Room.

Neighbors meet socially distanced in driveways or garages. Families and young people have tailgate parties to connect in a safe way. And, video and phone calls are ways to connect as well.

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

Woodrow T. Wilson, U.S. President (1913-1921, notably he served during the 1918 Flu Pandemic)

Take a moment to make someone smile today. I’m heading out now to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in weeks, socially distanced, of course!

The post We need buddies appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I always knew life would have twists and turns. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized most of my life has had me “not where I thought I’d be.” And I’ve learned a lot from those experiences!

Are you “not where you thought you’d be?”

If you’re like me, and life has you in a perpetual state of being “not where you thought you’d be,” I have good news and bad news. The bad news is: your life will likely have more twists and turns.

And the good news? You life will have more twists and turns AND you can navigate them. I promise you can do it and I’m here to help you!

We expect life to follow a certain trajectory.

And when life throws us off course, we naturally resist. We are surprised, perplexed. When in fact, life is ALL ABOUT CHANGE. If you look closely, we all detour from the “normal course.”

Has midlife thrown you off course? Mine did.

Midlife: a series of unexpected events

The year I turned 40, my life seemed to fall apart around me. My parents divorced, my sister-in-law passed away very unexpectedly, and it was if my husband and I suddenly woke up and discovered we were married to someone we didn’t know.

At the same time, my girls entered the “tween” confusing stage, no longer little children. And my job required more travel and grew increasingly complex.

I wasn’t where I thought I’d be but I muddled through the mess

These were tumultuous years, dissolving my straight path into curve after curve. With God’s grace and a resilient spirit, I took it a day at a time.

For every unexpected curve, God eventually brought a blessing:

• Chaotic remodeling projects beautified our home.
• Counseling helped us find our way back to each other.
• My husband’s 15 month deployment taught us new skills and habits.
• Our daughters’ fly, test, and repeat cycles bring increasing self-knowledge and independence.
• My parents’ increasing need for assistance gave me opportunities to spend time with them.

And 2020, need I say more? I’m definitely not where I thought I’d be

We kicked off our year with a trip to Southeast Asia in January/February. Yes, we hit the very epicenter and beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The viral threat changed our itinerary. And for the first time in my life, I wore a mask. Little did we know masks would become a daily practice and wardrobe staple. Nor did we know this was the beginning of many cancelled events, virtual school and work, and social distancing.

We’re all coping, finding ways to connect and adapt.

And losing a parent so soon? Definitely not where I thought I’d be

With my father’s passing last month, I’m definitely not where I thought I would be. I expected more time with Dad. I expected 2020 to unfold much as 2019 did, seeing him gain strength and overcome medical issues — NOT decline.

And yet, we all eventually navigate this path of death in one way or another. I’m finding my way. And I am realizing that when we are not where we thought we’d be — we’re usually right where God wants us.

“When we’re not where we thought we’d be, we’re usually right where God wants us.”

Elaine Junge

God works in the spaces where we are off balance, uncertain. He thrives on our dependence. He values, even demands, our trust.

God is faithful all the time

When we recognize our need for him, we also see his provision. I believe our eyes are open to so much more when we’re relying on him to show us the way.

So, if you’re feeling off balance and not quite where you thought you’d be, sink into the promise. As the Psalmist says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. (Psalm 56.3).

Dear ones, God is faithful especially when we’re not where we thought we’d be. May we rely on him more and more. May we seek and find his gracious provision for us in the middle of the mess.

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