Building margins into your life

As a young mother, I quickly learned the importance of building margins into our life and calendar. If we were too tightly scheduled, any disruption or delay turned into a spiral of negativity — and inevitably something did go off course. Life is anything but predictable.

I learned to build in margins to our schedules, to allow space for the unexpected. And this made life flow much smoother. When those unexpected challenges hit, we had space to adapt!

But even with an empty nest, I find I need to revisit this concept regularly.

Building in margins doesn’t come naturally

I’ve had to learn and relearn many times to give myself space to breathe. I’m naturally inclined to over-schedule, over-commit, and over-function.

I forget in the rush of doing, to simply BE. A few years ago, I found a small wooden sign, stenciled with the simple words, “Be still.” The sign sits on the windowsill in my writing studio, a gentle reminder as I settle into my work each day.

Our culture favors achievement

I recently revisited a book that inspired me when my daughters were little. And as I thought of midlife moms, I realized it resonates for us as individuals as well as moms.

“Ours is a society that places high value on achievement and acquisition. The subtle rewards of contemplation, quiet, and deep connection with another human being are held in low esteem, if they are recognized at all. As a result, mothers are constantly pulled in two directions: Can we negotiate the demands of our careers and the world at large, and meet our own emotional and physical needs — not to mention those of our children — at the same time? KATRINA KENISON, MITTEN STRINGS FOR GOD

Did you catch that last sentence? We have to place value on meeting our own emotional and physical needs. And too often, we simply ignore the small whispers of our bodies and souls.

Margin gives us time to meet our own needs

As Kenison went on to say, the question is, without contemplation and quiet, how do we focus on what’s important? And are we ever able to tune in to our own inner lives?

We need reflection and quiet time to calm the chatter of our minds so that we can discern and take care of our very selves.

Have you left margin for yourself?

Or are you in a season of overwhelm that comes from over-functioning, over-committing, and over-scheduling? If you’re there, it may be time to take a break so that you can discern what it is that you really need to lighten up your load.

If you think you’ve fallen into a longer-term pattern of “margin-less” living, maybe it’s time to get honest with yourself and re-think how you’d like to live lighter in this next phase of life.

Resources

I’m on a journey to build more margins into my life and I love sharing what I’ve learned. Here are a few resources to help you find your own breathing space and reset your rhythms and patterns of living:

1. A free Timeout Strategies Checklist
2. If you’re ready for a deeper dive, check out this blog post on Jump starting your own midlife timeout.
3. I offer a limited number of free 30 minute introductory coaching sessions!