Setting up a midlife timeout
Setting up a midlife timeout can be a great way to navigate the many changes of middle adulthood. Brené Brown defines midlife as the “unraveling” time.
Brown says, “The truth is that the midlife unraveling is a series of painful nudges strung together by low-grade anxiety and depression, quiet desperation, and an insidious loss of control.”
Each of us goes through a midlife unraveling in our own way.
Midlife can be messy
At this point of our lives, we think we should have it all under control. At some point, though, we realize we control very little.
Our kids begin to make decisions on their own. Our parents may need more help, but still have their own agendas.
We certainly can’t control our spouses or significant others’ life choices, although we may influence them. And sometimes we can’t even grasp control of our own decisions and lives at work, home, and in community.
We can get a bit lost
At this stage of life, we may feel trapped into commitments over which we have so little control.
At times in this messy middle, I feel like a tiny cork bubbling around in the big ocean, seemingly locked in to choices I’ve made, circumstances I face, or the needs of those around me.
Elaine Junge
And yet, as we start to unravel ourselves and the life around us, we can begin to uncover essential truths. We can choose to approach unraveling with intentionality and to take time out to observe and analyze, set a new course or or change our path.
Could you use a timeout?
Most of us can take a day off or squeeze in 15 minutes here and there. We can give ourselves the space to tackle this messy process of letting go of how we thought life would be and adapting to how we want to live the rest of our life.
Here’s how it works:
Here are 3 easy steps you can take this week to prepare for your own timeout:
1. Designate specific time in your life.
Schedule at least three one-hour blocks over the next three weeks to get started. Mark these times as sacred space on your calendar. Protect your time from interruptions and choose a place that fosters clear thinking.
2. Center yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Give yourself extra time to be still, to walk in nature, take a warm bath or check in with God. Immerse yourself in what makes you “most you.” Picture yourself zooming out from your life and observing at a distance, with a non-biased view. Allow space for this to settle and simply notice and accept where you are, today.
3. Ask wise counselors to be your sounding boards.
Seek feedback from your spouse and other family members and also from people less dependent on the outcomes of your decisions. Reach out to a handful of inner circle friends, a therapist or a spiritual advisor and ask them to help guide you in this process. I suggest you keep the time commitment simple, such as coffee, lunch, or a planned phone call in the next few weeks.
You’ve laid the groundwork
In the coming weeks, we will dive into more specific steps to guide you in your personal midlife timeout. For now, remember:
Sometimes projects (and lives) need to unravel, so we can fix mistakes, make a better fit, or create a better final result.
Elaine junge
I pray blessings on you, that you may be brave and courageous. May you feel the stirring of change and dare to begin to reimagine yourself and your life. May you find time and space for a beautiful midlife timeout, and may you be open to unraveling, because the God who loves you wants you to live well your one good life.
