Are you mindfully present?

I’ve been pondering this concept of living mindfully, being present in my right-now life. It seems obvious that we should be actively engaged in our lives — but sometimes we aren’t.

What keeps us from being mindfully present?

Sometimes we’re simply too busy living our lives to stop and really take notice. And sometimes, we’re overwhelmed by the lives we live — and want to escape, numb or avoid what we need to do, or think we should do.

And can mindful presence transform our lives? I think it can.

But I’m learning that being mindfully present takes active engagement, a curious mind, and a willingness to challenge ourselves to think in new ways. And it’s not a one-time endeavor, it’s more of a lifelong adventure.

Read on for my thoughts and 7 questions to ask yourself about your circumstances!

What does it mean to be mindfully present?

Being present is the act of being fully in the moment. But mindfulness takes it a step further to encompass our intentional response to the environment around us. When we’re mindfully present, we’re here now in this moment, but we’re also paying attention with our five senses.

And when we’re mindfully present, we intentionally control our actions rather than reacting blindly. As human beings, we’re wired to protect ourselves, to avoid danger, to stay alive. We are thinking beings, but many of our thoughts are subconscious and may not be altogether reliable.

Introducing the think, feel, act cycle

I learned about the think, feel, act cycle a couple of years ago. Rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this model helps us better understand the conscious — and unconscious — thought patterns that influence how we navigate life. The model contains five interacting components: Circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.

Faced with a new circumstance, our busy brains think thoughts and make judgements about the situation. Based on those judgements, we feel a particular way (emotions). And our feelings influence how we act — leading to behaviors, outcomes or results.

This cycle happens beneath the surface so many of us don’t pay any attention to it. As we begin to pay attention to our thought processes and patterns, we can shift these ingrained thought habits to help us better navigate our circumstances.

Let’s take a closer look …

What happens when we encounter a new circumstance? When we notice the situation, our brain kicks into gear to make sense of it. Here’s how this might play out with a bear in the yard (if you live in Alaska like me, this actually happens occasionally):

First, we think. We collect facts, such as the symptoms and severity, and we make judgements. If we’ve experienced something similar, we apply what we learned to project what might happen now. These are basic instincts by which our ancestors survived. A bear attacked someone in the woods a couple of years ago; a bear in my yard might attack and kill me.

Then we feel. I don’t want to be eaten by a bear. I’m anxious and afraid, I begin to panic.

And that tells us how we should act. I’m in danger, I better run or hide.

What happens if we mindfully interrupt this cycle?

For starters, psychologists tell us that all circumstances are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge them so with our thoughts and judgements. This makes sense when we think again of the bear — a hunter in bear season (and not in the city) would think of a bear sighting as a good thing. Me, without bear spray in my hand in my back yard, might judge the situation to be unsafe.

Also, we can control our thoughts. We can stop the cycle by first noticing what our brains are telling us.

In the bear situation, we might notice that we’ve jumped to the conclusion that the bear is going to eat us — but actually, it’s not uncommon for bears to come into neighborhoods during the summer, searching for trash or other easy food. We can begin to ask questions: What shelter do I have? How close is the bear? How is it behaving? Will it go away if I make noise?

When we calm our brain from its panicked state, we can begin to change the thought process that leads to sometimes overwhelming feelings — and subsequent actions. This can lead us to more helpful results or outcomes.

Putting it to work in your life

Most of us aren’t facing bears on a regular basis. But we do navigate changing and sometimes challenging circumstances in our lives.

What are some circumstances that you’re navigating now? And how can you be more mindfully present?

As we’ve talked about navigating change in middle adulthood, common situations that may arise include:

• Changing jobs
• Young adult children leaving home (empty nest)
• Relationship changes (losing a spouse or family member, divorce, friendship shifts)
• Illness (yours or a family member’s)
• Moving
• Wanting to change a habit (perhaps to create a new one or change how you’ve typically responded)
• And many more!

Questions to help you be mindfully present

Here are some questions to guide you in being mindfully present to your evolving circumstances:

1. What is the current circumstance?
2. What are my initial thoughts and feelings about the circumstance?
3. And what behaviors or actions does this suggest for me?
4. What story am I telling myself about this circumstance?
5. Could there be a different way to think about it? Another perspective that might serve me better?
6. Who has gone through something similar and what suggestions can they give me?
7. How will I change my reactions — and actions — based on retracing the steps in this cycle?

Being mindfully present takes practice!

Each day, we begin again.

Leanna Tankersley

We show up, we notice. And we give ourselves grace to keep walking on, being a beginner.

May you be mindfully present right now. May you acknowledge and accept how you feel, and open your eyes to view your circumstances in new ways. And may you retrace the cycle to act in the best way possible for you, today❣️