We need buddies

In every season, we need buddies. We need to connect closely with another human, whether it’s with our spouse, our children, our parents, our siblings, or a good friend. And right now, we’re just not able to connect in the ways we used to connect.

I take a walk every morning with my husband, my best buddy. We start our day grounded, feet moving, air on our faces, with a view of the mountains. He’s more awake than I am most days. Waking up is, for me, a gradual process.

I noticed the empty buddy bench

On our walk this morning, I saw the buddy bench at our neighborhood school, sitting empty at the beginning of a new school year. I stopped, my heart caught in my throat. I paused because this bench is designed for the lonely, the left-out, the hurting child — and while it sits empty, somewhere a child needs a buddy.

In this strange pandemic back-to-school season, I’m reminded that we need buddies even more. And we need to look out for each other, be the buddy to others that may struggle in this season.

We need buddies in the day-to-day

My husband and I have walked this path near the elementary school for several years now, but more intentionally the past two years. We walk through the seasons together, through spring, summer, fall and winter.

Some days we have easy conversations, about the weather, the day’s work. We connect about our schedules, our hopes and dreams, our life.

On our daily walks, we discuss our kids, our parents, how we are feeling, and what we want out of the day. We talk about routine things, like what we need at the store or who’s “on dishes.”

Other days, the conversation can be difficult, tinged by bad feelings, unresolved tensions, sadness, or tough problems. Still, we walk. Still, we talk. And when the words come slow, or fast and angry, we listen.

We especially need buddies in transitions

Over more than 30 years of marriage, we’ve learned that we need to talk more in times of change or stress. We process better as a team, when we each have a voice, work through changing and sometimes challenging emotions, and listen to each other’s hearts.

This buddy walk is good for our souls. Through the walking and talking, we come back to what’s important, to each other.

We all need buddies to reach out

I’ve heard a familiar ring on social media and in many of my circles. Some days we’re doing okay and some days we need a friend to check in on us. All of us experience days where we struggle with this unfamiliar world.

But some of us struggle more than others. And if we had a virtual bench, you might see some of these people hanging out, hoping to connect:

• Health care workers: “We do this work because we care deeply, but we’re tired and worried.”
• Law enforcement officers: “We see firsthand the impact on families and the cultural unrest.”
• Musicians: “We hurt from not singing together, in person.”
• Elderly in assisted living or nursing homes: “We miss visitors and going out on field trips.”
• Teachers: “We want to make a difference in the lives of children but this learning situation is new and different, and we’re worried about the kids..”
• And students: “We miss our friends and getting away from this family we’re now with All. The. Time.”

Be the buddy you need(ed).

The local school buddy bench may be closed for a season, but you can still reach out to someone you think might need a friend. And just as importantly, you can raise your hand when you’re feeling lonely or left out, disappointed, hurt, even scared.

How can you create a virtual buddy bench? Get creative! One of the online organizations I belong to hosted an open meeting room in Zoom, a virtual bench of sorts called the Sofa Room.

Neighbors meet socially distanced in driveways or garages. Families and young people have tailgate parties to connect in a safe way. And, video and phone calls are ways to connect as well.

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

Woodrow T. Wilson, U.S. President (1913-1921, notably he served during the 1918 Flu Pandemic)

Take a moment to make someone smile today. I’m heading out now to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in weeks, socially distanced, of course!