The river, it goes right on: building resilience with a “long view”

A couple of years ago, I watched the classic movie created from John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath. The story, set in the 1930s, centers around the Joad family’s experiences when the Dust Bowl devastated the land in the Southern Plains states. Grapes of Wrath is long, but well worth watching. It’s rich with character and stories of real life in the midst of tough times.

My family moved west during the Dust Bowl

My grandparents, along with dad’s six older siblings, headed west from New Mexico in the mid-1930s. Grandpa quit farming when the sale of the beans he planted wouldn’t pay for the seeds or the bag to transport them. Dad was born in California in 1936, after the move.

My grandmother painted a picture of the Dust Bowl days years ago. Her painting captured images from a famous photograph, of a man and two children leaning into the wind and the dust, headed for their shanty. The painting is one of my favorites because it is loaded with meaning.

When the going gets tough … we adapt

The painting speaks to me of my roots, family character and life perspective. The setting is gray and dark, but there is a surprising lightness amidst the storm. I see determination, perseverance and optimism in details: a tip of the hat, bowed shoulders but raised head, and the sense of forward movement.

Grapes of Wrath brought me to an even deeper understanding of this character, this sense of making the best of difficult circumstances. I learned much about my past, but more importantly I gained ways to navigate my future.

You can’t control circumstances, only your perspective about those circumstances

Throughout the story, Ma is the rock for the family, the calm in the storm. My favorite quote comes from the end of the movie, when Pa and Ma are heading down the road into more uncertainty, bouncing along in an old jalopy. Pa asks Ma how it is she handles life so steady, and Ma’s quiet response is pure gold wisdom.

Think of life as a river, not a series of “jerks”

“Well, Pa, a woman can change better’n a man. A man lives sorta — well, in jerks. Baby’s born or somebody dies, and that’s a jerk. He gets a farm or loses it, and that’s a jerk. With a woman, it’s all in one flow, like a stream — little eddies and waterfalls — but the river, it goes right on. Woman looks at it thata way.”

Ma Joad, Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck

Less than a year ago, if my life was a river, it was like the Mississippi, long and wide and slow-moving. At the time, I couldn’t imagine a turn. I could see the framework, the big picture, major assumptions.

Many times, I craved change but felt God was telling me to stay put. I identified with a poem I’d read long ago, “I’ll stay where you put me, dear Lord, though I wanted so badly to go.”

Then suddenly, the current of life picked up

I’d been in my job for 31 years and suddenly I was done. And not only that, but eddies of change swirl around me: my young adult daughters are getting degrees, finding jobs, considering advanced degrees. A few months ago, my husband retired from one of his jobs — and took a promotion at another. And for the past year and a half, I’ve been helping my parents navigate changes in their lives.

Suddenly, the life I thought I understood is uncertain and ever-changing. And while I craved this freedom, too many options can be scary and disconcerting. Ma Joad’s wise words help me adapt to living in this swifter current.

When life feels “jerky,” think of it as a river

I am comforted when I pause to think of my life as a river. I have a general course, and the river keeps flowing. Sometimes the current is stronger than I am and sometimes, I linger for a while in a little eddy. I take it day by day, not knowing exactly where I’m going, but knowing the river is running its course.

I’ve come to believe that God is wide open to possibility and adventure. While living safe and predictable served me for a time, today’s siren call pulls me in new, previously unconsidered directions.

As the current grows stronger, so do I

All this change — it has broken something loose inside of me. I’m getting used to change, less afraid of it. I’m open to possibility, to new paths. The “what if” game isn’t as scary.

I’m finding my way forward, although sometimes being on the river means being at the top of a looming waterfall. I see a drop in water level ahead, hear the water coursing over the rocks, and I can’t quite see what’s coming. I simply try to keep my eyes open — and swim like crazy!

Some tips for living “on the river”

Whether in the midst of swirling change, or caught in an eddy, be assured that the river flows on. And God wants to be right there with you. Here are six tips that may help you survive, or even thrive, on the river:

1. Step back and look for the larger current when you’re tempted to react to life’s “jerkiness.” Keep your perspective on the big river that is your life flow.
2. Listen to that gentle voice inside of yourself, not the one of fear, or discontent, but the one that provides steady calm guidance.
3. Have faith and trust that you will handle whatever comes to you in this season, whether life brings a bit of monotony or change so fast-moving you can hardly breathe.
4. Journey with friends, knowing that their river may flow with yours for a time or it may even find a different course. Each river needs to find it’s own way and some times they intertwine for a while!
5. Seek wise counsel, read your Bible, spend time in prayer to ground you in solid truth.
6. Take care of yourself! When you are most stressed, you often need a little “TLC” — and you know best what you need and when you need it. Make time for the little things that bring you joy!

May you have strength to swim with the current, as well as time to enjoy the eddies. May you find wise guidance for trickier waters. And most of all, may you journey with people you love and, together, find peace on the river!