Our culture has taught us to “grin and bear it” and that “when the going gets tough the tough get going.” We have responsibilities, expectations, and pressing challenges.

We’re hard-wired to keep at it even when we’re exhausted or overwhelmed. This work ethic serves us well in many situations — and at times, it causes us to get in our own way.

We’re not meant to live at full speed

Full speed is for running from serious threats and protecting ourselves. Our bodies and minds keep us safe by jumping into action when we’re under attack.

But many of us slipped into patterns of moving at full speed all. the. time. We live as if we’re under threat every moment of the day.

It’s counter-intuitive to take a break from the action. We might miss out. Or worse yet, not live up to our own or the world’s expectations.

But we’re paying a price for this mindset of operating at full speed.

We need breathing room

Our bodies, minds and spirits need time to adjust to the experiences we live. We need to recalibrate from the stresses and challenges we face in our every day, extraordinary lives.

And truly, is anything so urgent that we can’t stop for a moment? Will the world stop if we aren’t in constant motion ourselves?

“Taking regular, mindful breaks throughout the day helps to not only improve your concentration and overall productivity but importantly it helps to re-energize your mind.”

Calm.com, 20 Ways to take a mindful break

Mindful breaks heal us

Another definition of being mindful is simply giving one’s full attention to the present moment. Experts say that stepping out of the action, even for a few minutes, reenergizes our body, mind and spirit.

Vibay Chandran Weisbecker, a holistic wellness and mindfulness expert at Mindbody, says to “think of mindfulness breaks as mini stress-recovery sessions.” Quoted in the Well and Good blog, Weisbecker offers 3 Exercises for a Quick Mindfulness Break.

5 signs it’s time to take a mindful break

1. When your emotions are high — we can use time to reevaluate our emotions using the think, feel, act cycle (I wrote about this here: Are you mindfully present?)
2. When your body begins to protest (you’re sick, tired, lack focus) — our bodies tell the story of our lives and won’t let up until we stop and listen.
3. When you no longer feel joy — when we stop enjoying life, we lose our natural enthusiasm and often feel pressure to perform, numb or avoid the act of living.
4. When your mind is spinning in circles, anxious or racing — often we simply need time and space to gather our thoughts, process the circumstances, and make sense of a situation.
5. When you’re stuck — sometimes we can “pull it all together” in our own heads, without outside influence, but sometimes we need a mindfulness break to realize that we need an outside perspective or opinion.

You deserve a mindfulness break: Take it

Only you know how frequently you need a break — or how long those breaks should be. But the more I give myself space and time to be mindful, the more I discover I benefit. Start small and let it evolve!

May you find peace in mindful breaks. May you feel your mind, spirit and body settle. And may you gain renewed energy, passion and purpose in your life.

The post Take a mindful break appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

In Anchorage, flocks of ducks and geese gather on lawns and parks to feed and rest. The past two weekends, the swans have dropped in for a rest on our small lake, taking a break on their southbound flights.

As I watch these migrating birds, I consider the effort they put into flying hundreds, sometimes thousands of miles. It’s amazing how much energy they use!

Changing seasons require energy

They couldn’t complete their migrations without refueling. And just like them, we need refueling when we’re navigating big changes.

In the excitement (or sometimes dread) of change, we lose track of the energy it takes to navigate new territory.

Changes are hard on us emotionally, physically and mentally.

When change looms, it’s natural to dig in our heels and resist (which in its own right requires energy) or forge ahead enthusiastically. We tend to resort to working harder instead of pausing to refuel.

Rarely do we take the time to simply acknowledge that we’re going through a big change and give ourselves a break! It’s counterintuitive to slow down when it seems more effort is required.

We need time to process change

When we encounter change, we’re often doubly busy. We’re wrapping up what was and stepping into what’s to come. And both leaving and starting have their own set of emotions that we all too often ignore.

We’re often processing emotions on very many confusing levels. This is true even of positive changes, like watching our kids gain independence.

Becoming an empty-nester, for example, even in the best of circumstances, brings mixed emotions. We’re sad and happy that they’re stepping away from us, we’re excited and afraid. We’re nostalgic over the times we’ve had and worried we didn’t prepare them well enough. And, most of us don’t quite know what we’ll do with ourselves once they’re out the door.

Plus, it’s rarely a direct route to empty nest, especially during the pandemic. Many young adults “boomerang” in and out of the house for a period of time.

We need to refuel our hearts, minds and bodies

Refueling may look different for each of us. And it may look different for you in different seasons.

But whatever it looks like for you in this season, be sure to take the time you need. Pausing to refuel will give you energy for the rest of your journey!

Resources: Pause to refuel

• Try harder or live lighter?
• Building margins into your life
• Put yourself first
• Get fierce about self care
• Finding peace in the chaos
• We need buddies

The post Pause to refuel appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I learned to build in margins to our schedules, to allow space for the unexpected. And this made life flow much smoother. When those unexpected challenges hit, we had space to adapt!

But even with an empty nest, I find I need to revisit this concept regularly.

Building in margins doesn’t come naturally

I’ve had to learn and relearn many times to give myself space to breathe. I’m naturally inclined to over-schedule, over-commit, and over-function.

I forget in the rush of doing, to simply BE. A few years ago, I found a small wooden sign, stenciled with the simple words, “Be still.” The sign sits on the windowsill in my writing studio, a gentle reminder as I settle into my work each day.

Our culture favors achievement

I recently revisited a book that inspired me when my daughters were little. And as I thought of midlife moms, I realized it resonates for us as individuals as well as moms.

“Ours is a society that places high value on achievement and acquisition. The subtle rewards of contemplation, quiet, and deep connection with another human being are held in low esteem, if they are recognized at all. As a result, mothers are constantly pulled in two directions: Can we negotiate the demands of our careers and the world at large, and meet our own emotional and physical needs — not to mention those of our children — at the same time? KATRINA KENISON, MITTEN STRINGS FOR GOD

Did you catch that last sentence? We have to place value on meeting our own emotional and physical needs. And too often, we simply ignore the small whispers of our bodies and souls.

Margin gives us time to meet our own needs

As Kenison went on to say, the question is, without contemplation and quiet, how do we focus on what’s important? And are we ever able to tune in to our own inner lives?

We need reflection and quiet time to calm the chatter of our minds so that we can discern and take care of our very selves.

Have you left margin for yourself?

Or are you in a season of overwhelm that comes from over-functioning, over-committing, and over-scheduling? If you’re there, it may be time to take a break so that you can discern what it is that you really need to lighten up your load.

If you think you’ve fallen into a longer-term pattern of “margin-less” living, maybe it’s time to get honest with yourself and re-think how you’d like to live lighter in this next phase of life.

Resources

I’m on a journey to build more margins into my life and I love sharing what I’ve learned. Here are a few resources to help you find your own breathing space and reset your rhythms and patterns of living:

1. A free Timeout Strategies Checklist
2. If you’re ready for a deeper dive, check out this blog post on Jump starting your own midlife timeout.
3. I offer a limited number of free 30 minute introductory coaching sessions!

The post Building margins into your life appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I grew up with a little Sunday school song based on the acroynym JOY. The song lyrics are: “J is for Jesus for he takes first place. O is for others we meet face to face. Y is for you, in whatever you do — put yourself last and spell joy.”

It was a catchy tune and the lyrics stuck with me for years, coloring my view of self care. I’m not sure where this song originated but it seems to have disappeared; I haven’t been able to find it online. And honestly, I think that’s a good thing because while the concept seems good — it’s actually flawed.

Putting ourselves first isn’t selfish

In fact, the greatest commandment of all, according to Jesus, is to “Love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind.” And the second greatest commandment is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39, NIV).

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t think of others, but instead loving ourselves helps us love others.

Putting ourselves last causes burnout

We’re so attuned to the needs of others and often swirling emotions around us that we neglect ourselves. And all too often, carving out time just for ourselves gets lost among so many other competing priorities.

So many of us have unrealistic expectations of what we can or should accomplish in a day. We were told we could have it all — and misinterpreted this to mean that we should have it all, must do it all. We set high expectations for ourselves, strive and push in a million different directions.

If we always put ourselves on the back burner, we burn out. And when we burn out, we don’t do a very good job of loving others.

We have to start with loving ourselves so that we can do a good job of loving others, our neighbors.

Instead of last, how about putting yourself first?

So what would happen if we put ourselves first? What if we moved self care to the top of the “to do” list, not the very bottom.

I think it’s high time we get fierce about self care! In my 2020 get fierce about self care post, I recommended taking care of your body, mind and soul using the acronym CARE. Taking good care of ourselves involves the four key areas of connection, attitude, rest and empathy.

5 easy ways to put yourself first

1. Block time on your calendar for yourself.
2. Ensure you get what you need to be at your best (for instance, introverts refuel with solitude, extroverts refuel with people time).
3. Take CARE of yourself (Connect, foster a healthy Attitude, ensure you get Rest and show Empathy for yourself as well as others).
4. Tend to your physical health (check out this post on Prioritizing your health).
5. And most importantly, keep your commitment to yourself by honoring the time you’ve set aside!

And BTW, I still believe in JOY

But I now realize that taking care of ME gives me the strength and imagination to live my best life. And I trust that brings joy to God and my neighbors.

The post Put yourself first appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I take a walk every morning with my husband, my best buddy. We start our day grounded, feet moving, air on our faces, with a view of the mountains. He’s more awake than I am most days. Waking up is, for me, a gradual process.

I noticed the empty buddy bench

On our walk this morning, I saw the buddy bench at our neighborhood school, sitting empty at the beginning of a new school year. I stopped, my heart caught in my throat. I paused because this bench is designed for the lonely, the left-out, the hurting child — and while it sits empty, somewhere a child needs a buddy.

In this strange pandemic back-to-school season, I’m reminded that we need buddies even more. And we need to look out for each other, be the buddy to others that may struggle in this season.

We need buddies in the day-to-day

My husband and I have walked this path near the elementary school for several years now, but more intentionally the past two years. We walk through the seasons together, through spring, summer, fall and winter.

Some days we have easy conversations, about the weather, the day’s work. We connect about our schedules, our hopes and dreams, our life.

On our daily walks, we discuss our kids, our parents, how we are feeling, and what we want out of the day. We talk about routine things, like what we need at the store or who’s “on dishes.”

Other days, the conversation can be difficult, tinged by bad feelings, unresolved tensions, sadness, or tough problems. Still, we walk. Still, we talk. And when the words come slow, or fast and angry, we listen.

We especially need buddies in transitions

Over more than 30 years of marriage, we’ve learned that we need to talk more in times of change or stress. We process better as a team, when we each have a voice, work through changing and sometimes challenging emotions, and listen to each other’s hearts.

This buddy walk is good for our souls. Through the walking and talking, we come back to what’s important, to each other.

We all need buddies to reach out

I’ve heard a familiar ring on social media and in many of my circles. Some days we’re doing okay and some days we need a friend to check in on us. All of us experience days where we struggle with this unfamiliar world.

But some of us struggle more than others. And if we had a virtual bench, you might see some of these people hanging out, hoping to connect:

• Health care workers: “We do this work because we care deeply, but we’re tired and worried.”
• Law enforcement officers: “We see firsthand the impact on families and the cultural unrest.”
• Musicians: “We hurt from not singing together, in person.”
• Elderly in assisted living or nursing homes: “We miss visitors and going out on field trips.”
• Teachers: “We want to make a difference in the lives of children but this learning situation is new and different, and we’re worried about the kids..”
• And students: “We miss our friends and getting away from this family we’re now with All. The. Time.”

Be the buddy you need(ed).

The local school buddy bench may be closed for a season, but you can still reach out to someone you think might need a friend. And just as importantly, you can raise your hand when you’re feeling lonely or left out, disappointed, hurt, even scared.

How can you create a virtual buddy bench? Get creative! One of the online organizations I belong to hosted an open meeting room in Zoom, a virtual bench of sorts called the Sofa Room.

Neighbors meet socially distanced in driveways or garages. Families and young people have tailgate parties to connect in a safe way. And, video and phone calls are ways to connect as well.

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

Woodrow T. Wilson, U.S. President (1913-1921, notably he served during the 1918 Flu Pandemic)

Take a moment to make someone smile today. I’m heading out now to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in weeks, socially distanced, of course!

The post We need buddies appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Having compassion on your self often seems selfish. People rely on you and you don’t want to let them down.

We tend to sabotage our own care

And so we say to ourselves, “self, I know you’re tired, but these people need me and in just a few minutes I’ll have time to take a break with you!”

Maybe you’ve said you will do something for yourself after you finish just one more thing? And then another and another? And then you put your weary self to bed saying you’ll take care of yourself tomorrow?

Haven’t we all been there? I’m slowing down enough to finally realize that today is the day I need to do whatever I am going to do. If I continue to say “tomorrow,” I continue to do what I’ve always done and postpone doing things that will keep me healthier and happier for a long time.

I’m learning that my children are old enough to take care of themselves (mostly). And my parents’ needs may be urgent from time to time — but I serve them better if I take care of myself, both short-term and long-term.

So how do you get fierce about self care?

First, experts say to remind yourself that self care is not a luxury — it’s a priority! Secondly, it’s almost impossible to manage stressors in your life without taking care of yourself. If you’re piling on exercise and still eating junk food, your body knows it. If you try to meditate, but aren’t getting enough sleep, you’ll fall asleep.

All of this leads to my third point, which is that fierce self care has to be a multi-faceted approach. Fierce self care means taking care of your body, mind and soul. And when you do, you build resilience to help you manage stressors in your life that you can’t eliminate — and equip yourself to live your best life.

Think of the acronym CARE

Connect — Connect with God, connect with hopeful encouragers. Connections fuel our souls!

Attitude — Mary Pipher writes in Women Rowing North, “Attitude, it’s not everything, but it’s almost everything.” You bring a positive attitude to others. You need it for yourself.

Rest — You must relax (challenging for doers). You may think you can’t stop, but remember the tortoise and the hare. Rested bodies and minds are resilient, creative and resourceful. And, if your mind is settled and not scattered, you can be present and listen better to others.

Empathy (for yourself) — you “feel” others, you know them. Do you know yourself? What do you need in this moment?

For additional ideas:

• Check out this blog post on Prioritizing your health. Key strategies include eating healthier, exercising more, using healthy alternatives to cope with stress (and reducing unhealthy coping mechanisms), and getting regular health check ups.
• When you list those that you care for in your day, remember to list your self as well!
• And finally, I love this quote:

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.”

Brian Andreas, American Writer

I’d love to hear what you are doing to prioritize your self in midlife! Are you ready to take fierce CARE of yourself?

May you be fiercely protective of yourself. May you connect with people, have a positive attitude, rest and relax often, and have empathy for yourself and others.

The post Get fierce about self care appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.