I grew up with a little Sunday school song based on the acroynym JOY. The song lyrics are: “J is for Jesus for he takes first place. O is for others we meet face to face. Y is for you, in whatever you do — put yourself last and spell joy.”

It was a catchy tune and the lyrics stuck with me for years, coloring my view of self care. I’m not sure where this song originated but it seems to have disappeared; I haven’t been able to find it online. And honestly, I think that’s a good thing because while the concept seems good — it’s actually flawed.

Putting ourselves first isn’t selfish

In fact, the greatest commandment of all, according to Jesus, is to “Love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind.” And the second greatest commandment is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39, NIV).

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t think of others, but instead loving ourselves helps us love others.

Putting ourselves last causes burnout

We’re so attuned to the needs of others and often swirling emotions around us that we neglect ourselves. And all too often, carving out time just for ourselves gets lost among so many other competing priorities.

So many of us have unrealistic expectations of what we can or should accomplish in a day. We were told we could have it all — and misinterpreted this to mean that we should have it all, must do it all. We set high expectations for ourselves, strive and push in a million different directions.

If we always put ourselves on the back burner, we burn out. And when we burn out, we don’t do a very good job of loving others.

We have to start with loving ourselves so that we can do a good job of loving others, our neighbors.

Instead of last, how about putting yourself first?

So what would happen if we put ourselves first? What if we moved self care to the top of the “to do” list, not the very bottom.

I think it’s high time we get fierce about self care! In my 2020 get fierce about self care post, I recommended taking care of your body, mind and soul using the acronym CARE. Taking good care of ourselves involves the four key areas of connection, attitude, rest and empathy.

5 easy ways to put yourself first

1. Block time on your calendar for yourself.
2. Ensure you get what you need to be at your best (for instance, introverts refuel with solitude, extroverts refuel with people time).
3. Take CARE of yourself (Connect, foster a healthy Attitude, ensure you get Rest and show Empathy for yourself as well as others).
4. Tend to your physical health (check out this post on Prioritizing your health).
5. And most importantly, keep your commitment to yourself by honoring the time you’ve set aside!

And BTW, I still believe in JOY

But I now realize that taking care of ME gives me the strength and imagination to live my best life. And I trust that brings joy to God and my neighbors.

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