What keeps us from being mindfully present?

Sometimes we’re simply too busy living our lives to stop and really take notice. And sometimes, we’re overwhelmed by the lives we live — and want to escape, numb or avoid what we need to do, or think we should do.

And can mindful presence transform our lives? I think it can.

But I’m learning that being mindfully present takes active engagement, a curious mind, and a willingness to challenge ourselves to think in new ways. And it’s not a one-time endeavor, it’s more of a lifelong adventure.

Read on for my thoughts and 7 questions to ask yourself about your circumstances!

What does it mean to be mindfully present?

Being present is the act of being fully in the moment. But mindfulness takes it a step further to encompass our intentional response to the environment around us. When we’re mindfully present, we’re here now in this moment, but we’re also paying attention with our five senses.

And when we’re mindfully present, we intentionally control our actions rather than reacting blindly. As human beings, we’re wired to protect ourselves, to avoid danger, to stay alive. We are thinking beings, but many of our thoughts are subconscious and may not be altogether reliable.

Introducing the think, feel, act cycle

I learned about the think, feel, act cycle a couple of years ago. Rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this model helps us better understand the conscious — and unconscious — thought patterns that influence how we navigate life. The model contains five interacting components: Circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.

Faced with a new circumstance, our busy brains think thoughts and make judgements about the situation. Based on those judgements, we feel a particular way (emotions). And our feelings influence how we act — leading to behaviors, outcomes or results.

This cycle happens beneath the surface so many of us don’t pay any attention to it. As we begin to pay attention to our thought processes and patterns, we can shift these ingrained thought habits to help us better navigate our circumstances.

Let’s take a closer look …

What happens when we encounter a new circumstance? When we notice the situation, our brain kicks into gear to make sense of it. Here’s how this might play out with a bear in the yard (if you live in Alaska like me, this actually happens occasionally):

First, we think. We collect facts, such as the symptoms and severity, and we make judgements. If we’ve experienced something similar, we apply what we learned to project what might happen now. These are basic instincts by which our ancestors survived. A bear attacked someone in the woods a couple of years ago; a bear in my yard might attack and kill me.

Then we feel. I don’t want to be eaten by a bear. I’m anxious and afraid, I begin to panic.

And that tells us how we should act. I’m in danger, I better run or hide.

What happens if we mindfully interrupt this cycle?

For starters, psychologists tell us that all circumstances are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge them so with our thoughts and judgements. This makes sense when we think again of the bear — a hunter in bear season (and not in the city) would think of a bear sighting as a good thing. Me, without bear spray in my hand in my back yard, might judge the situation to be unsafe.

Also, we can control our thoughts. We can stop the cycle by first noticing what our brains are telling us.

In the bear situation, we might notice that we’ve jumped to the conclusion that the bear is going to eat us — but actually, it’s not uncommon for bears to come into neighborhoods during the summer, searching for trash or other easy food. We can begin to ask questions: What shelter do I have? How close is the bear? How is it behaving? Will it go away if I make noise?

When we calm our brain from its panicked state, we can begin to change the thought process that leads to sometimes overwhelming feelings — and subsequent actions. This can lead us to more helpful results or outcomes.

Putting it to work in your life

Most of us aren’t facing bears on a regular basis. But we do navigate changing and sometimes challenging circumstances in our lives.

What are some circumstances that you’re navigating now? And how can you be more mindfully present?

As we’ve talked about navigating change in middle adulthood, common situations that may arise include:

• Changing jobs
• Young adult children leaving home (empty nest)
• Relationship changes (losing a spouse or family member, divorce, friendship shifts)
• Illness (yours or a family member’s)
• Moving
• Wanting to change a habit (perhaps to create a new one or change how you’ve typically responded)
• And many more!

Questions to help you be mindfully present

Here are some questions to guide you in being mindfully present to your evolving circumstances:

1. What is the current circumstance?
2. What are my initial thoughts and feelings about the circumstance?
3. And what behaviors or actions does this suggest for me?
4. What story am I telling myself about this circumstance?
5. Could there be a different way to think about it? Another perspective that might serve me better?
6. Who has gone through something similar and what suggestions can they give me?
7. How will I change my reactions — and actions — based on retracing the steps in this cycle?

Being mindfully present takes practice!

Each day, we begin again.

Leanna Tankersley

We show up, we notice. And we give ourselves grace to keep walking on, being a beginner.

May you be mindfully present right now. May you acknowledge and accept how you feel, and open your eyes to view your circumstances in new ways. And may you retrace the cycle to act in the best way possible for you, today❣️

The post Are you mindfully present? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

But my intention to be mindful and present, to simply let the year unfold got harder with the unfolding. Just as books have plot twists, the stories of our lives can get messy fast. Reality sets in hard.

But, I realized, this is exactly when we need to “double down” on staying present! So, I offer you my thoughts on how to stay present during those times when it seems most hard.

Tips for staying present in your life when it’s anything but calm:

1. Understand what it means to be mindful

Mindfulness is focusing on the present.

The state of being mindful is being conscious and aware of your right-now moments. I especially like the Cambridge English Dictionary definition of mindful as being “deliberately aware of your body, mind, and feelings in the present moment, in order to create a feeling of calm.”

2. Pay attention to your body, mind and feelings

We often forget to pause to listen to ourselves. Being mindful today may mean that you recognize that things aren’t going as planned. Maybe you feel the pressure of unmet expectations pressing in hard. Notice the response in your body and mind. Try to name the feelings or emotions you’re experiencing.

When I practiced mindfulness today, I realized I had a picture in my head of the year unfolding, gently and easily. I imagined a pattern of slow growth and tidy little waves of life. But 2022 isn’t unfolding as I imagined it would.

I won’t go into all the details, but we’re deeply concerned about several friends walking tough paths into 2022. And with Covid numbers rising, causing flight interruptions and supply chain havoc yet again — we’ve cancelled plans to visit our daughter and son-in-law, as well as extended family members.

And when I pause to examine my body, mind, and feelings — I realize that I’m disappointed, out-of-sorts (agitated), and overwhelmed. My heart hurts for my friends and my mama’s heart especially hurts that our trip is delayed.

3. Reflect and learn from your experience

Brené Brown, a researcher and one of my favorite authors and speakers, gave us a beautiful gift in late 2021: Atlas of the Heart. The inside book cover states, in part, that she wrote the book “to show us how accurately naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power — it gives us the power of understanding, meaning, and choice.”

Brown uses the atlas analogy to help us understand our emotions, reflect on our experiences, and communicate more clearly with ourselves and each other. More importantly, we can learn from our experiences and those with similar experiences, and we craft strategies to move forward.

She organized her chapters on a “where we go when …” model. For instance, Chapter 3 is titled “Where we go when things don’t go as planned.” Reading this chapter helped me name my experience more clearly as one in which things aren’t going as planned. And naming this helped me confront my unrealistic expectations — and better understand my disappointment and frustration.

I realized that I forgot to ask what Brené Brown calls the big question: “Are you setting goals and expectations that are completely outside your control?” (Atlas to the Heart, p. 45). Of course I am!

If I’m honest, and I’m trying to be, this is more of a pattern than a one-time behavior. And, I can learn from this as well.

4. Keep staying present in your life, adjusting as needed

This step will be uniquely you. Sometimes we need to adjust our circumstances, perhaps by reducing our time commitments or obligations. At other times, we need to adjust our mindset (back to setting realistic expectations). And at other times, we simply benefit from being aware of what’s going on in our bodies, minds and emotions.

Often, we may need to gear up for courageous conversations with others. When we’re prepared and the time is right, we can use the new language of emotions we’re learning to more clearly express ourselves. And we do all of this with a mindful approach to healthy boundaries and being safely vulnerable.

I remember my intention for 2022: Mindful.

And when I do, my brain, body and spirit shift into a lower gear and settle ever-so-slightly. I’m not meant to solve all of this. I’m simply to notice, breathe, accept what I cannot change, courageously step into what I can, and slow down enough to wisely discern the difference.

“Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”

 — Reinhold Niebuhr, American Theologian, original version of serenity prayer

We have to let go of what we can’t control

We have to let the year unfold, even when we don’t like the unfolding. We cannot control our own lives with any reliability, let alone the lives of others around us.

Nor can we control the ravages of diseases, like cancer and dementia and even Covid. Relationships and other people’s emotions? Outside of our control.

We can’t control a lot of what’s happening in our worlds.

We have more control of our minds than we know

We can, almost always, bear witness to our experience and exert some control over when and how we react.

When we pay attention to our body, mind and feelings in the present moment we can recognize the signs of confusion and agitation, and consciously lean into the discomfort rather than avoiding it.

And, when we get curious about what’s underneath the surface, we gain information. With information, we can identify problems, or gaps. We can seek help. And we can continue monitoring our progress and adjusting our strategies for living this crazy, unpredictable life.

May you stay present in your life even when it’s anything but calm. May you find peace in knowing that you’re not alone as you practice being mindfully present. And, may you learn and grow in your understanding of your own body, mind, and spirit. Amen.

The post Staying present in your life when it’s anything but calm appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.