When the saying “betwixt and between” came to mind, I had to pause to look it up. I learned that the two words mean essentially the same thing, though betwixt is rarely used in present-day language.

Grammarphobia references the Oxford English Dictionary definition of betwixt and between as meaning “in an intermediate or middling position; neither one thing nor the other.” We’re neither here nor there, but somewhere in the middle.

Almost certainly, if you’re in midlife and you’re reading this, you are navigating change in one aspect or another of your life. And often, it’s not simply that we’re becoming “empty-nesters,” taking on an increasing role helping our parents, or searching for new fulfillment. We, and our family members and friends, undergo other changes, some positive and some downright challenging.

Being between seasons can be unsettling. So, as I often do, I look to nature for parallels to life. I hope these meandering thoughts will help you in this messy middle.

Betwixt and between is a messy season

Here in Alaska, we’re definitely “betwixt and between” winter and spring. Alaskans call this in-between season break-up, a nod to the messy process of melting snow, uncovering the dirty roads and whatever else has accumulated over the long winter.

“Break-up” has been my least favorite season for the past 37 years of Alaskan life. Usually, winter puts up a good fight before loosening her grip. Snow covers the ground yet, but one minute it’s crunchy and firm under my feet, the next it’s slush-snow on top of ice, wet and sloppy.

Summer seems far away. And, the weather app I use gives up on specifics, predicting instead a “wintry mix” of precipitation (snow or rain, who knows which when you’re hovering around the margins of freezing).

Most mornings, we choose to to continue our walks. With spikes on our shoes and growing light, we meander more than usual, avoiding puddles and potholes.

It’s not an easy time to walk through, with hit-or-miss footing and unpredictable weather.

But growth happens under the surface

Just as “a watched pot never boils,” it’s difficult to observe melting snow or personal transformation during change. It’s difficult to see or feel changes in ourselves when we’re going through them.

But much like the trees “wake up” from their long winter rest, we subtly change. In northern climates like Anchorage, the snow melts and the ground thaws. Water and nutrients reach the roots and draw up into the tree, mingling with the starches and sugars waiting. Sap begins to flow, carrying nutrients out to support new growth.

We undergo growth behind the scenes as well. Remember Transitioning through change? So important are these words from William Bridges, they bear repeating:

“Transition is not just a nice way to say change. It is the inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of how things used to be and reorient themselves to the way that things are now.”

William Bridges, revised by Susan Bridges, Transition as the ‘Way through

Similar to nature’s changing seasons, we go through an inner transition process. A reorienting process.

Betwixt and between is a process

We’re in motion. We’re on our way from there to somewhere. Once we loosen our grip on the past, we make way for today — and the future.

This in-between season is growing on me, perhaps because I’m learning to let go of what has been or even what’s to come. This “reorienting to the way things are now” takes practice. And while I can’t say I love the messiness of break-up, I’m learning to appreciate the season, not just for what it’s bringing — but for what it is.

When my friends and I set out on a walk at 9:30 this morning, the sun poked over the mountains to the east and shone through the trees. Out on the inlet, big brown ice chunks contrasted with snow-covered Mt. Susitna in the distance. And small LBJs (little brown-jobs), skittered and tweeted amongst the trees.

We saw a moose through leafless trees, my friend commenting that we wouldn’t have seen it in the summer as it would have been hidden by leaves. We moved a little faster up the hill than usual, holding the dogs close and watching to be sure she didn’t feel threatened and follow us.

We’re here, now, today. We saw the sun come up over the mountains, watched a moose carefully and at a distance, and heard the birds. Each day is different, a “wintry mix” of ugly and beautiful, and everything in between.

Somewhere betwixt and between lies hope

The roads have been worse than usual this year, everyone griping about the potholes and glaciated ice. I felt the same until the other day. My sister-in-law said smiling, as we bounced along ice-pocked roads, “It gives me hope!”

And I had to laugh and agree, reluctantly at first but with growing conviction. As gardeners, we know that there is a purpose in every season.

And in the bigger picture, though I may not see it now, I believe in a higher purpose.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

Some days I’m bouncy and jarred, and yet there’s hope.

May you find hope betwixt and between the “wintry mix” of life. May you be mindfully present to your here and now. And may you know the strength and conviction of God’s good purpose for you.

The post Betwixt and between appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

But is there really a roadmap for midlife? I spoke with a friend recently about what it’s like to be a woman in midlife. She observed that when she was young, she knew how to navigate the life ahead of her. She had a roadmap and clear expectations: build a career, make a life with someone, have kids if that’s what you want to do. As young women, most of us approached life with a certain determination — and a confidence that we controlled our destiny. I was that young woman.

I had a basic roadmap – wedding, career, children

And I willingly hopped on the hamster wheel, unsuspecting. Life was good, with big milestones and accomplishments — degrees, wedding, births. There was a certain momentum to life, and, I realize only later, an increasingly fast pace and accumulation of more and more responsibilities. And expectations. I heaped them on myself, but others did too. a fast pace and little time for rest.

As a working mother, I felt as though I had little control of my own life at times. I had a busy job, with demanding work responsibilities, endless change and shifting priorities. My husband had two busy careers, military and civilian life, with lots of travel and eventually a 15-month deployment. And my daughters grew increasingly more independent, yet still needed attention — and I wanted to be there for them. The older they got, the more I realized how precious were these moments together.

But my roadmap only went so far

And somewhere in there, life became a roller coaster. Rather than charting my own course, I was reacting to life.

Looking back, I was pulled in so many different directions, with multiple often competing priorities. I was on the ‘hamster wheel’ trying to keep up, and doing my best to do my best, at EVERYTHING.

And inevitably, as women in midlife, we experience unexpected surprises. We face illness ourselves or in a family member. We lose a close friend. Our friends go through difficult circumstances – physical or mental illness, losing a loved one or marital/child difficulties. Our parents need our support. And it’s not all catastrophic, life events such as graduations or weddings, though more expected, can often be all-consuming.

Honestly, it can feel a bit out of control sometimes. Like a roller coaster ride, we experience periods of excitement, anxiety, sheer terror and in between some straight stretches that are so tame, they are almost boring.

And the reality is there is no single roadmap

Living like this can be exhausting. And at some point, many of us pause to ask how we regain a semblance of control over our own lives.

The truth is difficult: we cannot control everything, no matter how hard we try.

And yet the truth also sets us free. For people of faith, this is when we turn to God, and stop trying to control it all. We surrender. Again. Daily. We surrender to Him who is omnipotent, omniscient, sovereign.

We, in fact, cannot have it all

As women in our 50s, 60s, or even 70s, we were told that we could have it all: husband, work, career. The best of the best, in everything. Cinderella?? That initial roadmap for life? It. Is. Not. Real.

Midlife is when we step back and realize that we are not the masters of our life. Indeed, we are subject to many different impacts on our lives. We have successes and we have challenges. Midlife is different for everyone.

And yet? In the end, we emerge more realistic about we can expect from life. As my friend observed, we know now that “life is a mixed bag” of joys and disappointments, happiness and grief. We have a lot of experiences “under our belt,” we have developed resilience, and we do our best to stay positive as life unfolds in front of us.

We create our own roadmap

We find our way forward a step at a time. We learn the skills we need to negotiate midlife. We begin to create our own roadmap.

Even as we are increasingly less involved in the lives of our children — and for a time many of us lose our moorings and drift — we may begin to perceive how our life matters. Our scope widens beyond our immediate family. We recognize that we have the opportunity to influence others and that the world needs us. Indeed, the world needs our unique gifts.

And that’s when we can begin to develop our own roadmap. My roadmap is an ever-changing work in progress at this point, but I have learned a few things that may help you!

Here are 5 essential steps to creating your own successful midlife roadmap:

Creating a personal midlife roadmap can be a fun process — but it can be daunting to begin. Here are five essential steps to get you started and ensure that your roadmap takes you where you want to go:

1. Start where you are — Knowing your current location makes it much easier to build your roadmap. It always helps to have at least a general idea of where you are now. Write down a few things about your current situation in life. At this stage, you want to be realistic about your life, identifying both positive aspects and challenges or obstacles you may need to overcome.
2. Pick a destination — Start by imagining you are at the end of your life and looking back. You can find a few tips and questions to ask yourself in my blog post Jump start your own midlife timeout. In general, think about what would give you the greatest sense of accomplishment or satisfaction with your life. Be prepared to dream big! You may not have all the answers yet, but it’s important to have a general idea of where you are headed.
3. Assess your resources — In particular, what gifts do you have that you would like to use more? What do you bring to the table? And on the flip side, what are you missing? Do you need more education to reach your goals? Are you lacking a good support network? Is there a financial gap, and if so, what steps can you take to resolve it?
4. Identify key milestones — While you may not yet have a complete roadmap, identify one simple step to take you closer to your destination — and do that thing. We reach our destinations by taking a single step forward at a time. If you are looking for inspiration, I love Emily Freeman’s most recent book, The Next Right Thing.
5. Begin your journey! Begin even if your roadmap is a work in progress. Begin even if you are scared. I had Chinese takeout this week, and my fortune cookie message speaks to just this: “If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.” And if you need a pep talk, I highly recommend Ruth Soukup’s recent book, Do It Scared.

And, remember, a roadmap is really just a guide — if the initial destination doesn’t work out, or if you have to take a detour, you can adjust later!

I wish you the best as you reimagine yourself in midlife! May you think about midlife differently and courageously step out to create your own unique roadmap! And may God guide you and bless you on your journey.

The post A roadmap for midlife? Yes, please! appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.