Change sometimes happens unexpectedly and can have radical impacts on your life. Other times, change sneaks up faster than you anticipated, or simply gathers momentum as it cascades around you.

Snowballing change wreaks havoc

Just like the early winter storm here. We’re used to an earlier fall and winter than most of our friends and family in the “Lower 48” states. But, even Alaskans were not prepared for the heavy snow we received in East Anchorage in the third week of September.

The snow was so heavy that many trees fell or lost branches under the unexpected weight. Our local electric company reported: “This early season storm is even more challenging because the leaves on the trees make them heavier than they are in winter.”

When change snowballs we feel the weight

Just like the trees still sporting their still-yellowing leaves, unexpected and/or big changes easily overwhelm us. We feel the weight of changes that happen in our world.

But what we’re really feeling is the weight of our emotions about the change. We’re feeling the weight of the internal process we need to go through to adjust to the change.

Snowballing change requires internal adjustment

William Bridges identifies this internal change process as transition. And he says this about transition:

“The transition itself begins with letting go of something that you have believed or assumed, some way you’ve always been or seen yourself, some outlook on the world or attitude toward others.”

William Bridges, Transitions, p. 132

We need time to move beyond the overwhelming feelings associated with rapid or unexpected change. And, we must recognize that we all process changes in different ways.

You may find it helpful to talk with people who’ve been through a similar change. Or you may simply need time and space to process your thoughts and feelings. And, you may need both. Your experience will be uniquely yours.

Each of us has our unique “bowl of emotions”

Have you heard this analogy? My daughter, the one who’s moving, is also working on her master’s in social work. I love chatting with her about change and transformation because she always has a thoughtful and well-informed perspective.

Recently, she shared that her counselor had asked how she was feeling about the changes ahead for her and our son-in-law. When she described her feeling as overwhelmed, the counselor pulled out the “emotions bowl,” filled with slips of paper, each with an emotion.

Several minutes later, our daughter had a rather large pile of emotions in front of her. When change overwhelms, you can be quite sure that the weight you’re feeling needs some unpacking!

When change snowballs, so do the emotions

When you’re going through a season of change, it helps to be aware of this internal process. Change management experts, therapists, and counselors remind us to slow down during these times, to pay attention to what’s going on in our hearts, minds and bodies.

Each of us has our own bowl of emotions, swirling and sometimes even contradicting each other. And, if you’re empathetic, you may also be “feeling” the emotions of those around you.

Start with the ending

It helps to begin with the ending. By acknowledging the loss that we’re experiencing, we begin the important work of processing what the change means to us.

It’s not like I didn’t know that winter was coming, it’s just that it hit earlier and harder than I anticipated. And underneath that, I’m sad to let go of warmer days and spending time in my garden. I’m grappling with rearranging my schedule, my closet, and even my menu.

Likewise, I need to process the ending in our family. As I said goodbye to my son-in-law on Sunday and watched my daughter’s video of him driving away from their apartment this morning, I experienced a swirl of emotions.

Excuse me while I grab a tissue and that bowl — I’ve got some emotional unpacking to do! We’ll talk more about this process soon.

The post When change snowballs appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

We think as we get older we become more confident in who we are — but sometimes we just get busier. And sometimes we’re so busy we forget to ask if we’re living the life we should be living.

Or maybe more accurately, is the person I’ve become the one I want to be? A couple of weeks ago, I asked the question, “who do you want to be?” One kind reader wrote hoping I’d talk about first figuring out who we are now. And it’s a good question!

It’s easy to lose ourselves in the transitions

As young women, most of us had some ideas about who we wanted to become. Many of us wanted to be wives and mothers, to follow careers, to make a difference in the world. As our lives got busier and busier, we achieved many of these goals.

We transitioned from schooling to careers, from single to married and eventually from married to married with children. And then, raising kids and living life became all-consuming.

Pretty soon we’re busy juggling

And when you’re juggling, you don’t have a lot of spare time or energy to put into self-discovery. At many times during those busy years I found myself looking for a bit of breathing room. At this stage, self care sounds pretty enticing.

But when you’re trying to keep from dropping balls, you’re really just tossing them higher to hopefully take an extra breath before you have to catch it again.

Or, maybe you’re running around retrieving balls off the floor.

I’ve certainly been there a time or two. And I have the scars to prove it, as they say.

At some point, we do stop

We come to the realization that life as we know it just isn’t working. We throw our hands up in the air and admit that we’re not fine, at least not always. For me, this became a journey of renewal that has taken quite a bit of time.

And as I write about my own journey, I’m beginning to understand that this stage of rediscovering who we are happens to many of us in middle adulthood.

Awareness truly is the first step

Like the proverbial lobster in the pot, we overlook what happens to us so gradually. The course of our lives changes in minuscule, even tiny steps.

And once we’re aware that we need to change ourselves or our lives, creating change often begins slowly as well. We notice, we reflect, we get really honest with ourselves. We begin to come to deep understanding of where we are strong and where we are broken.

And we begin to recover ourselves

If you’re in this crazy stage of asking yourself if you even know who you are anymore, let me just give you a bit of hope. Underneath everything that you do now, under all the striving, performing and maybe even pretending to be strong — YOU are there. And you’re worth the journey of figuring out who you are: as yourself and a creation of God.

And, you’re not alone! As I’ve gone down this path, I’ve met women who share the journey. I’ve discovered how God delights in helping us on the path of becoming ourselves.

Do I even know who I am?

I am Elaine and I am becoming me. For today, that’s enough. It’s really not that simple, but in a way, it is.

Today, as I write, I look out the window at a snowy landscape. The birch trees stand straight and tall in front of me. Hundreds of trees, clustered together, strong of purpose. They seem much the same and yet some are bending with the weight of snow on them, some have lived more years and have strong branches. Still others in this particular grove are thin, or broken.

Each is unique, yet part of a community. Like us.

The snow falls lightly. Another day. We’re still standing and underneath the snow, perhaps we’re growing as well.

The post Do I even know who I am? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.