It’s taken me slow and steady steps to put my words out there. And I’m still not confident where I’m going. I honestly can’t believe I have published more than 80 posts, all about navigating change and this middle adulthood journey.

Thank you for being patient with me

I’ve learned that sometimes my words strike a chord and sometimes they don’t seem to have much impact. 

And this is when I need to keep writing.

I’ve learned that much of the process is putting honest words out there and hoping they find a home, eventually, some day.

Thank you for growing with me

I’ve learned that’s okay to be a beginner.

It’s okay to not know entirely what I’m saying or even why I do.

I’ve learned that writing helps me feel more clear inside. And that reading sometimes helps someone else feel more clear too.

Thank you for being a community

I’ve learned that women need each other. We all need voices to tell us that we’re not alone on this big old planet, that someone else is unsure and figuring it out, step by slow step.

I’ve learned that most of us struggle with change, with processing what happens to us and around us.

I’ve learned that God speaks to us in those moments of change.

And that change is a lot of moments strung together, like popcorn on a Christmas tree. We’re going somewhere, but we may not see exactly where until much later. 

I’ve learned that God is a faithful guide.

Thank you for helping me trust in the process

I’ve learned that we have to listen, step forward when we don’t have all the answers, keep trusting in the process and the practice of moving forward.

Most of us are scared of something even when we don’t admit it to ourselves or anyone else. And fear can hold us back from moving forward at all.

I’ve learned that there is truth in each of us, but we have to be still to find it. And being alone isn’t so lonely if we’re listening.

And I’ve learned that keeping your hands moving on the keyboard brings thoughts to life that I didn’t know were hidden inside. Also, that this is just like taking steps forward in our lives, with clarity coming only as we begin moving.

I’ve learned that having the courage to put words “out there” brings more courage, more hope. And that this is just like taking one small step in life gives us courage and hope to walk farther than we think we can.

Thank you for being a bit crazy with me

I’ve learned that we’re all strong and weak, and a little bit crazy. And that’s okay too.

When we share our crazy, it somehow becomes a little less crazy.

I’ve learned that life is hard, people make so many mistakes and even when we’re poised on the end of the diving board, some of us just can’t jump on our own. But when a friend stands beside us, or goes first, sometimes it gets a little bit easier. 

And I’ve learned that people need to be heard. And the older we get, the harder it is to be heard. 

Thank you for helping me face the fear

This middle stage of life gets harder than I thought. And the prospect of growing into “old age” is harder yet. I’ve learned that those that face their fears head on, who push themselves to be fit and healthy, who learn to talk and share their feelings — they age a little easier. That’s not to say it’s easy, but maybe just a little more graceful. 

I’ve learned that my job is to write, to jump off the diving board, to do life at least a little bit scared, and to let go of the outcomes. When I do this, it comes together. 

And if I forget and get all balled up and anxious inside, fretting and frazzled, well, things tend to go in circles and get a little more crazy. So I have to be brave and let it go, lean into God’s great purpose.

Thank you for sharing the messy middle

I’m so thankful to have readers that follow along with my wandering and wondering, weaving in and around life’s messiness. I’m learning that this mess isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Just like Pigpen in the Snoopy stories, it’s part of my story, maybe all of our stories. 

So what’s next? Well, I’m working on that. As I head into a third year of writing, I am excited about taking all these threads and pulling them together. 

Please keep sharing!

I’m grateful for those of you who pass on my newsletter or links to posts to friends on a similar journey. This community is growing and developing, thanks to you! And we’re all learning together.

I enjoy sending a personal note and a thank you to friends who sign up to hear about my posts. And the weekly newsletter always includes exclusive information, just for subscribers. I appreciate each and every one of you!

In honor of the anniversary

Here are quick links to my first few legacy posts!

• On living well and saying goodbye
• Changing seasons
• Creating a rhythm for purposeful life
• Setting up a midlife timeout
• The messy middle

Thanks for being along for the ride, and for your great patience in the journey!

Love,

Elaine

The post Thank you for sharing the messy middle! appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I had to remind myself to have patience with this messy middle stage today, when life and changing roles converged at dinner time. I found myself juggling getting food on the table, helping my husband rearrange the garage so he could get his car out for a drive, and giving opinions to my daughter about wedding dress accents. And then the nurse from mom’s assisted living home called to say they’re sending her to the ER for evaluation.

It’s hard to know your purpose

We’ve been told that the magic is in the middle, and yet, so often we simply feel caught in a changing world, putting out fires, and struggling to make sense of life. We feel as though this isn’t how our lives are supposed to be (see I’m not where I thought I’d be).

This discomfort is normal

One of the earliest and foremost experts on life stages, Gail Sheehy, author of “New Passages: Mapping Your Life Across Time“>New Passages,” and

“We must be willing to change chairs if we want to grow. There is no permanent compatibility between a chair and a person. And there is no one right chair. What is right at one stage may be restricting at another or too soft. During the passage from one stage to another, we will be between two chairs. Wobbling no doubt, but developing.”

I wrote about this tension between the familiar and the new in A season of letting go.

When we let go, we make space for the new

The muddle, sometimes uncomfortable, is part of the process of becoming new. When your roles shift and change, trust that you’re right where you need to be.

This sometimes messy muddle leads us to a new phase of life. We find our way by letting go what we’ve known to be true so that we can embrace the new. We may feel “wobbly” as we navigate changing roles and relationships with our adult children, our parents, even our spouses. But as Sheehy said, that’s how we grow.

And God always meets us in the muddle

I’m still waiting to hear back from the ER, but mom’s joking with the nurses. We’re pretty certain it’s part of a chronic condition and not life-threatening. We’ll let the doctors sort it out. And, I know that God’s got this.

Embrace this muddle in the middle and you’ll find your space.

The post Muddling through (the middle) appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

But no extraordinary journey is linear. In reality, the middle is extraordinarily volatile — a continuous sequence of ups and downs, flush with uncertainty and struggle.

Sitting square in the middle of life is surprisingly messy. I thought I would have it figured out by now — and perhaps some people do. Yet, I suspect most of us arrive in these middle years without truly knowing who we are. We thought we had it all figured out in our 20s and 30s, but one day we wake up and realize that we have fallen into our lives, not necessarily figured them out.

Jennie Allen, in Made for This, writes: “She had learned to be brave, not complain, work hard.”

We learn to make the best of our lives

And as women, wives, mothers, there was so much opportunity to just be brave, to manage, to do. Life kept throwing us curves and like actors in a play, “we just went with it,” adjusted our responses, took care of problems, learned resilience and adaptive strategies. We take care and we caretake, we smile, we laugh, we cry, and then here we are.

Midlife sneaks up on us. We’ve traveled along thinking we are in control, managing, doing what we need to do, then suddenly (it seems) we no longer know which end is up. Suddenly the game changes. Kids grow up and leave home, and they no longer listen to us. It’s not that they don’t love or respect us, but we are getting in their way. We have too many questions, suggestions, too many words when they are just trying to find their own way.

What about us?

One day we are standing in the middle of our kitchen, tears streaming down our face, whispering, “what about me?” Are we invisible? Do we matter?

And in that moment, that messy moment, that’s where God meets us. If we are listening, He meets us right here, in the midst of our messy middle.

Dear friend, fewer of us than you think truly have midlife figured out. We enter these middle years knowing we must have accomplished something, but questioning our purpose. Many of us are worn out, beat up, and have somehow lost or abandoned our souls in the process of getting here. We gave in, poured out, persevered, broke in pieces and held together. We live in that messy middle of strong and broken, not quite certain and yet convinced we made a difference, and we MUST continue to matter moving forward.

Are you with me? God is in this place. Your life (and mine) has been a series of events that is forging you into just the right person to meet the rest of your life. This time of transition is crucial, not to be overlooked.

Let’s get intentional

Here are three steps to help you navigate this messy middle with finesse, grace and purpose.

1. Acknowledge this sacred space. Pause to accept the weight of this time and this space in your life. Yours is a unique story and you have a unique purpose in this time and place. You have come this far, and your life and contributions have impacted those around you. What you do in the next days and years of your life matters as well! More importantly, acknowledge who is in this space with you. Take stock of your people — friends, family, your faith. Sit with yourself a bit and just feel who you are, down deep.
2. Review your past and your present. You have successes, you have hurts, you may have burdens today that seem impossible to bear. Sometimes at this phase of our life, we are presented with challenges that are yet unresolved, and truthfully may never on this earth be fixed. Some of us land in midlife with disappointments that are excruciating to bear — lost loved ones, broken lives, addictions or disease. Take stock, accept, let go of control, breathe into the gap and ask God (or your higher power) for strength to lean into this time.
3. Keep breathing into your future — and dare to dream. Having accepted where you’ve been and where you are, might you envision a future that dreams a little bigger, dares a little more? Despite your challenges, might this time be the time that you let go of fear and step into something bigger than yourself? Begin to daydream a little. What might this look like for you, in this next phase of your life.

It’s okay to sit in the mess

You needn’t have all of the answers yet. This is simply time to let go and lean into what could be, might be, in the future. Remember, you are in timeout. You can scream, you can pout, you can let it all out. This is your time. And be assured, that God is with you in this mess; not only with you, He’s here to guide you through it.

I pray that you will find the space to be as messy as you need to be, to calm your soul, and let God fill it with hope.

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