Unfortunately what many of us discover in midlife is that we’re over-committed, over-functioning and over-burdened by so much that feels essential in our lives. But if we’re buried in responsibilities and burnt out, we’re not living our BEST life.

What’s missing? If you’re wondering when (or if) you’ll get to fullfill the dreams of your younger self, it’s possible you’re simply living a life. And just maybe, the life you’re living isn’t your best life, the one that’s part of your own unique design.

How do know if you’re living your best life?

Maybe it’s easier to know if you’re NOT living your best life. On the inside cover of his latest book, Effortless,* Author Greg McKeown describes the way that I was living, the way that I think many women in midlife live.

As high achievers, we’ve been conditioned to believe that the path to success is paved with relentless work. That if we want to overachieve, we have to overexert, overthink, and overdo. That if we aren’t perpetually exhausted, we’re not doing enough. But lately, working hard feels harder than ever. And the more depleted we get, the more effort it takes to make progress.”

Greg McKeown, Author of “Effortless”

Many of us are burnt out.

We’re not meant to live depleted

McKeown describes this way of living as “working twice as hard only to achieve half as much.” And he’s written two entire books about how to live a smarter, more fulfilled life.

I highly recommend both of his books: Essentialism and Effortless. To live our best lives, we need to be doing activities that are our very best activities, but we also need to do them with far less effort!

Living your best life isn’t easy

Living your best life, I’ve learned, requires discipline and a lot of practice. I’ve had to learn to honestly assess myself, to speak up, and to set boundaries.

Over the past several years, I’ve put a lot of work into reflecting on what’s most important to me, where my gifts (aka superpowers) lie, what’s mine to do and what I need to let go, and so much more.

“If we wait until we are old to recognize that matters most, there is little future left to change.”

Steve Leder, Author of “The Beauty of what remains”

I’m still learning. And, still practicing.

Your best life is a journey, not a destination

Living your best life is a daily practice of living your best moments. When you live each moment intentionally, your life unfolds to meet you where you are.

I’ve learned a lot and I’d love to help you along on your journey! Want to check it out risk-free? Sign up for a free introductory coaching session.

*Note: I occasionally provide links to books or other materials where as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

The post Living your (best) life appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

But the problem with superwoman is that the world begins to rely on her. And when you’re counting on superwoman, you really don’t have to solve your own problems, do you?

Wait, “I’m just being responsible“

Most of us were raised to be responsible for ourselves at the very least, and often for younger siblings. We were taught to do our chores first then play, clean up our messes, finish what we started, and to generally take responsibility for ourselves and the world around us.

And these are all practical and laudable pursuits! But, can responsibility be too much of a good thing? The answer is sometimes: yes.

Sometimes you can be too responsible

Now, before you begin to protest, I’m not saying you should embrace irresponsibility as a practice. Nor am I encouraging you to abandon genuine responsibilities.

What I am suggesting is that there are some of us that occasionally, periodically, or for a season — take on responsibilities that we shouldn’t be carrying. We assume burdens that aren’t ours and pick up loads that others should carry. And, we excuse someone else’s under-functioning tendencies and pick up the slack.

We become “helicopter pilots”

Helicopter pilots (aka helicopter moms) dash around frantically saving those around them from their own irresponsibility. The helicopter mom delivers forgotten lunches or assignments, picks up toys, soothes over arguments, volunteers to make cookies and hovers nearby in case she’s needed.

A helicopter mom is known for saving the day! She gets things done. She’s superwoman.

Everyone needs superwoman

And for those of us who tend to over-function, it can be a bit addicting to be recognized for our efforts. After all, we get more recognition for saving the day than we do for our ongoing day-in, day-out effort of holding down the fort.

And in the busiest seasons of life, as we’re raising kids, working and managing the challenges that come our way, we may easily fall into this over-functioning, overly responsible habit. In fact, it comes quite readily to us.

Have you been playing superwoman?

Perhaps you have fallen into this habit without realizing it. Our intentions are really, really good! We want to be there for our husbands, our children, our bosses. And serving others is part of our womanly DNA.

But there’s a downside to being superwoman.

We can forget our purpose …

Our purpose is more than just picking up all the balls others are dropping. Our purpose is to live genuinely, using our unique talents and skills to contribute to the world in meaningful ways.

The unspoken underbelly to over-functioning for others is that we can stop becoming ourselves. Hear me here. I’m not advocating that we STOP being responsible for those around us, but that we give them authority and license to carry their own burdens. And that we remember deep inside, the responsibility to our own hearts and souls.

Yes, we are nurturers

As wives and mothers, we play important roles in the family. And nurturing those we love is important.

But our goal is always to help the people around us learn and grow into the very best versions of themselves. Always, we are training our children to be smart, capable, and independent of us, relying instead on God and their own inner compass. They need to learn to “pick up their own balls.”

You don’t have to play superwoman

Maybe it’s time to lighten up on yourself! You simply don’t have to be superwoman in every area of your life. You deserve to have heroes helping YOU also.

If you’ve noticed you’re playing superwoman, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate your role(s). Are those around you stepping into responsibilities as part of their own development? Have you in inadvertently picked up tasks that rightfully belong to someone else?

Stepping back will be a process

Learning to let go and having others step up is a messy and imperfect process. Prepare to meet unexpected resistance. But, rest assured Becoming your essential self is worth retraining yourself and those around you!

The post Are you playing Superwoman? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I found myself in this position almost three years ago, when my job unexpectedly ended. I’d had a dream of writing in my heart, but it was such a vague dream. I didn’t have a set goal, just a sense that I wanted to write.

You may not realize you’re chasing a goal…

Sometimes when you begin to follow a passion, you haven’t yet named a goal. You may simply feel compelled to do something.

This is how it was for me. I began to write, not every day, but most days. I went to a writing conference, joined writing groups, took writing classes. And I started a blog.

Your longings may lead you to a goal

I wasn’t sure where I was going, exactly. But I began to take steady steps forward and slowly, I started calling myself a writer.

And the more I write, the more I want to write. My goal has grown clearer. I write to understand myself, but also to help others understand themselves. My goal now is to produce writing that helps women work less and be more, to live confident and authentic lives, doing what they love.

So how do you turn a dream into a goal?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my journey chasing this goal. And then, recently I set myself another goal — to stand up on a paddle board — and I discovered a few parallels.

Here’s a short story about my paddle board adventure and what I’ve learned about chasing a goal!

1. Pay attention to what looks fun

When you slow down and reflect, you begin to notice what looks fun to you. This is how my paddle board story began.

I enjoyed watching my husband quickly master paddle boarding. He swam competitively in high school and has an innate sense of balance and quick reactions. His first time, he stood up confidently — and then coaxed our yellow Labrador Maggie out with him. And my son in law joined in the fun, soon standing as well.

I had so much fun observing and documenting the action, taking photos and videos. And the fun grew! A couple weekends later, we laughed and encouraged my daughter and her boyfriend who were soon standing and paddling.

It looked like fun and I began to think about hopping on …

2. Don’t let fear hold you back

When you try anything for the first time, I guarantee you’ll face failure many times. Failure is part of the process of beginning. You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable as you navigate into something new.

We’ve all faced fear before. And, you may have heard the saying that fear can be in the car, but it doesn’t get to be in the driver’s seat (loose quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic).

So while paddle boarding looked fun, I had to overcome my fear of falling into the water. I’m still leery after falling off a foot bridge with my little brother when I was 10, nearly drowning both of us. I’ve taken swimming lessons since then, but found it mostly to be an exercise in “controlled drowning,” a struggle to master breathing pattern with moving limbs.

So, I let myself be afraid, practiced my breathing, and stayed close to the dock and good swimmers!

3. Choose your time but don’t wait for ideal circumstances

If you’ve got a dream in your heart, you’ll likely face obstacles. It’s easier to stick with the status quo that it is to make big scary changes. But if you want to make progress, you’ve got to begin somewhere, sometime. At some point, you have to stop waiting for the “right time,” and simply pick a good time.

Paddle boarding in South Central Alaska will never be as idyllic as in warmer climates, but July is our warmest month (with an average temperature of 65℉). I knew the July 4th weekend was a good bet!

If I fell off the board, I’d be cold but would soon warm up.

4. Leverage skills you already have

If you’re venturing into something new, you’ll likely find that you have transferable skills. Think about what you’ve done before that required similar techniques or processes and use these as the basis for beginning.

In my paddle boarding scenario, I realized that my experiences kayaking and canoeing were similar so I drew on these skills. Both of these require balancing and moving carefully to avoid tipping so I already had a solid foundation.

5. Take baby steps and let them be awkward

You can ease into new situations, taking baby steps and allowing room to learn as you go. As you conquer each new step, you’ll gain confidence and skills that will help you move onto the next one.

For me, this meant simply getting out on the board first. I knew that being on my knees was much more stable than standing up so I started there. Once I’d paddled around sitting down on my knees, I raised up on my knees and realized the board was more stable than I’d thought.

And then began the really awkward phase of putting one leg forward, starting to stand up, sitting back down. Paddling more. Trying again. Looking silly in the process.

6. Give yourself time and set micro goals

Remember, you don’t have to and probably won’t master a new goal in one sitting. Most likely, you’ll find you take a step forward at a time (and maybe some backwards as well).

With paddle boarding, I spent my first time out just paddling on my knees. The next time, my goal was to simply stand up. And when I accomplished that, I paddled halfway down to the next dock. Maybe next time, I can make it across the lake. We’ll see!

7. Let it evolve

Sometimes we know what we’re chasing and sometimes we simply know that we must follow a yearning. For me with my writing dream, I’ve had to be patient.

I still don’t know exactly where God’s leading me. But I keep stepping forward, and stepping forward. And slowly, the goal gets clearer. Sometimes the journey is the point, after all.

Are you chasing a dream that might be a goal?

It might just be a whisper in your heart now, waiting for you to pay attention. What’s calling to you? I hope you’ll chase it.

If you’d like a guide on your journey of chasing a goal, I’d love to help! Check out my coaching page for more information on how we could work together.

The post Chasing a goal appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.