Our culture has taught us to “grin and bear it” and that “when the going gets tough the tough get going.” We have responsibilities, expectations, and pressing challenges.

We’re hard-wired to keep at it even when we’re exhausted or overwhelmed. This work ethic serves us well in many situations — and at times, it causes us to get in our own way.

We’re not meant to live at full speed

Full speed is for running from serious threats and protecting ourselves. Our bodies and minds keep us safe by jumping into action when we’re under attack.

But many of us slipped into patterns of moving at full speed all. the. time. We live as if we’re under threat every moment of the day.

It’s counter-intuitive to take a break from the action. We might miss out. Or worse yet, not live up to our own or the world’s expectations.

But we’re paying a price for this mindset of operating at full speed.

We need breathing room

Our bodies, minds and spirits need time to adjust to the experiences we live. We need to recalibrate from the stresses and challenges we face in our every day, extraordinary lives.

And truly, is anything so urgent that we can’t stop for a moment? Will the world stop if we aren’t in constant motion ourselves?

“Taking regular, mindful breaks throughout the day helps to not only improve your concentration and overall productivity but importantly it helps to re-energize your mind.”

Calm.com, 20 Ways to take a mindful break

Mindful breaks heal us

Another definition of being mindful is simply giving one’s full attention to the present moment. Experts say that stepping out of the action, even for a few minutes, reenergizes our body, mind and spirit.

Vibay Chandran Weisbecker, a holistic wellness and mindfulness expert at Mindbody, says to “think of mindfulness breaks as mini stress-recovery sessions.” Quoted in the Well and Good blog, Weisbecker offers 3 Exercises for a Quick Mindfulness Break.

5 signs it’s time to take a mindful break

1. When your emotions are high — we can use time to reevaluate our emotions using the think, feel, act cycle (I wrote about this here: Are you mindfully present?)
2. When your body begins to protest (you’re sick, tired, lack focus) — our bodies tell the story of our lives and won’t let up until we stop and listen.
3. When you no longer feel joy — when we stop enjoying life, we lose our natural enthusiasm and often feel pressure to perform, numb or avoid the act of living.
4. When your mind is spinning in circles, anxious or racing — often we simply need time and space to gather our thoughts, process the circumstances, and make sense of a situation.
5. When you’re stuck — sometimes we can “pull it all together” in our own heads, without outside influence, but sometimes we need a mindfulness break to realize that we need an outside perspective or opinion.

You deserve a mindfulness break: Take it

Only you know how frequently you need a break — or how long those breaks should be. But the more I give myself space and time to be mindful, the more I discover I benefit. Start small and let it evolve!

May you find peace in mindful breaks. May you feel your mind, spirit and body settle. And may you gain renewed energy, passion and purpose in your life.

The post Take a mindful break appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Most of us experience this shift into survival mode at some points in our lives. And unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for women in midlife. Sometimes we retreat into this mode when we’re experiencing overwhelming change. And sometimes it comes when we’re simply trying to stay afloat in an overly busy life. **

Survival mode is stressful

Survival mode doesn’t feel good and we’re not meant to live in this condition. Our bodies are great communicators, and usually, this is where we first notice the early signs of survival mode.

Under stress, our autonomic nervous system kicks into gear to protect us from danger. And depending on the dangerous (or perceived dangerous) circumstances, the body shifts into high gear (with fight, flight or “fawn” reactions) — or it shifts us metaphorically into low gear (and we become detached or in a “frozen” state).

What happens when we’re in survival mode

Our nervous systems react to stress or danger with both our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, parts of our brain. The sympathetic nervous system floods our bodies with cortisol and adrenaline when we need to act quickly. The parasympathetic nervous system operates when we are in a relaxed state — but it also shifts in to protect us without thought when needed.

“When your body goes into fight/flight/fawn or freeze, blood flow is directed away from the prefrontal cortex so that the energy can be distributed elsewhere. When you live only from the brain stem, everything else is ‘offline.'”

Aundi Kolber, Try Softer

Our nervous systems are running the show

When we’re in a fight, flight or “fawn” state, we’re operating out of our sympathetic nervous system. Experts call this state hyperarousal. We may have a racing pulse and physical shakes, and we often notice strong emotions such as anxiety, fear or anger. We may feel out of control or overwhelmed. In this state, another reaction is to “fawn” or over-accommodate people around us, seeking to calm them and our environment.

The parasympathetic nervous system reaction to stress is the freeze state, sometimes referred to as hypoarousal. In this state, our bodies react as if they’re protecting us from danger that we can’t escape. In extreme situations, we may feel paralyzed or frozen and unable to take action. But it can also present as feeling exhausted, depressed or simply zoned out. Sometimes we can feel numb, disconnected, or as though we’re observing ourselves from a distance.

So, how do we move beyond survival mode?

Self care has become a buzz word that really doesn’t go deep enough. But, we do have to begin with taking care of ourselves. In Try Softer, Aundi Kolber explains that we need to learn to be “kinder to the wounded parts of ourselves.” We have to embrace personal growth as a journey, not a one-time event.

I think this is particularly true for many of us in midlife. We’ve added on roles and responsibilities, pursuing education and careers, finding meaningful relationships (husbands), and having children. We’ve tried to take care of ourselves with hobbies, friends, and activities.

It’s in this dance that life became a balancing act. We neglected ourselves bit by bit, over time, and we need to give ourselves time to recover.

We must first notice we’re over-extended

For a long time, I didn’t recognize that I was in survival mode. I often felt behind, and I kept telling myself that I just needed to be more organized and efficient. Being caught up was over-rated, anyway, right?

I couldn’t name exact feelings, because I was so emotionally overwhelmed. It took me some time to realize that by not making choices in my life, I was making a choice.

And I’ve finally learned that trying to do it all was a “siren’s call” of distraction.

And then pay attention

As I’ve learned to listen to my body and recognize the signs of being in survival mode, I’ve let go of things and habits that don’t serve me. When we begin to pay attention to our bodies, minds and spirits, we can contemplate new ways of being that are kinder to ourselves.

And, as we make small changes, our bodies begin to trust us again, to know that we’re paying attention to them. It’s as if our whole system relaxes and we can begin to move forward. Experts tell us our nervous systems respond by stepping out of survival mode and allowing higher levels of our thinking brains to engage.

I’m learning, slowly, to trust myself, to listen and hear my own voice, to make conscious choices that support who I am and who I want to be.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey!

** If survival mode has become a way of life or you’ve experienced trauma, it’s important to consult a counselor or therapist!

The post Are you in survival mode? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Life isn’t a race and yet we sometimes live as though it is one. But, have you noticed how exhausting it is to power through?

Powering through becomes a cycle

Greg McKeown refers to this as “The False Economy of Powering Through.”

“When we try to make too much progress on a goal or project right out of the gate, we can get trapped in a vicious cycle: we get tired, so then we take a break, but then we think we have to make up for the time lost, so we sprint again.”

Greg McKeown, Effortless

We have to let go of this “false economy”

When we believe the lie that the only way to “win the race” is to power through, we’re believing in the false economy. We see others sprinting around us and we believe we need to sprint also. We have to catch up!

But setting a pace that you can sustain for the long run doesn’t mean that you’re falling behind, though it may seem like it at times. Remember the old fable of the tortoise and the hare?

The tortoise in the tale is the poster child for setting your own pace. Let’s review the story! (Note: Even though the fable refers to both racers as males, I’ll refer to them as females because it suits my story.)

The tale of the tortoise and the hare

The hare mocked the tortoise for being a slowpoke. The tortoise, standing strong for her own pace, challenged the hare to a race.

The hare took off running and the tortoise took off too, slow and steady. And even though the tortoise moved much slower than the rabbit, she kept moving at her own pace.

After a time the hare looked back, saw her enormous lead, and exhausted from running so fast, stopped to take a nap. We all know how it ends, the tortoise passed the hare while she was sleeping, crossing the finish line first.

Powering through leads to burnout

Just like the silly hare, when we believe we have to sprint all of the time, we get really, really tired. So we rest.

Then we’re behind again, so we sprint. And round and round it goes, till our head’s are spinning.

Ask me how I know. I was an expert at powering through — which unfortunately made me an expert at burning out.

But setting your own pace leads to fulfillment

It took me a while to realize that powering through wasn’t serving me well. But, I’m slowly finding my pace. And so can you.

This process of finding our own pace, of becoming ourselves takes time. I hope you’ll join me on the journey!

The post Powering through or setting your own pace? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

I grew up with a little Sunday school song based on the acroynym JOY. The song lyrics are: “J is for Jesus for he takes first place. O is for others we meet face to face. Y is for you, in whatever you do — put yourself last and spell joy.”

It was a catchy tune and the lyrics stuck with me for years, coloring my view of self care. I’m not sure where this song originated but it seems to have disappeared; I haven’t been able to find it online. And honestly, I think that’s a good thing because while the concept seems good — it’s actually flawed.

Putting ourselves first isn’t selfish

In fact, the greatest commandment of all, according to Jesus, is to “Love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind.” And the second greatest commandment is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39, NIV).

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t think of others, but instead loving ourselves helps us love others.

Putting ourselves last causes burnout

We’re so attuned to the needs of others and often swirling emotions around us that we neglect ourselves. And all too often, carving out time just for ourselves gets lost among so many other competing priorities.

So many of us have unrealistic expectations of what we can or should accomplish in a day. We were told we could have it all — and misinterpreted this to mean that we should have it all, must do it all. We set high expectations for ourselves, strive and push in a million different directions.

If we always put ourselves on the back burner, we burn out. And when we burn out, we don’t do a very good job of loving others.

We have to start with loving ourselves so that we can do a good job of loving others, our neighbors.

Instead of last, how about putting yourself first?

So what would happen if we put ourselves first? What if we moved self care to the top of the “to do” list, not the very bottom.

I think it’s high time we get fierce about self care! In my 2020 get fierce about self care post, I recommended taking care of your body, mind and soul using the acronym CARE. Taking good care of ourselves involves the four key areas of connection, attitude, rest and empathy.

5 easy ways to put yourself first

1. Block time on your calendar for yourself.
2. Ensure you get what you need to be at your best (for instance, introverts refuel with solitude, extroverts refuel with people time).
3. Take CARE of yourself (Connect, foster a healthy Attitude, ensure you get Rest and show Empathy for yourself as well as others).
4. Tend to your physical health (check out this post on Prioritizing your health).
5. And most importantly, keep your commitment to yourself by honoring the time you’ve set aside!

And BTW, I still believe in JOY

But I now realize that taking care of ME gives me the strength and imagination to live my best life. And I trust that brings joy to God and my neighbors.

The post Put yourself first appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.