I learned to build in margins to our schedules, to allow space for the unexpected. And this made life flow much smoother. When those unexpected challenges hit, we had space to adapt!

But even with an empty nest, I find I need to revisit this concept regularly.

Building in margins doesn’t come naturally

I’ve had to learn and relearn many times to give myself space to breathe. I’m naturally inclined to over-schedule, over-commit, and over-function.

I forget in the rush of doing, to simply BE. A few years ago, I found a small wooden sign, stenciled with the simple words, “Be still.” The sign sits on the windowsill in my writing studio, a gentle reminder as I settle into my work each day.

Our culture favors achievement

I recently revisited a book that inspired me when my daughters were little. And as I thought of midlife moms, I realized it resonates for us as individuals as well as moms.

“Ours is a society that places high value on achievement and acquisition. The subtle rewards of contemplation, quiet, and deep connection with another human being are held in low esteem, if they are recognized at all. As a result, mothers are constantly pulled in two directions: Can we negotiate the demands of our careers and the world at large, and meet our own emotional and physical needs — not to mention those of our children — at the same time? KATRINA KENISON, MITTEN STRINGS FOR GOD

Did you catch that last sentence? We have to place value on meeting our own emotional and physical needs. And too often, we simply ignore the small whispers of our bodies and souls.

Margin gives us time to meet our own needs

As Kenison went on to say, the question is, without contemplation and quiet, how do we focus on what’s important? And are we ever able to tune in to our own inner lives?

We need reflection and quiet time to calm the chatter of our minds so that we can discern and take care of our very selves.

Have you left margin for yourself?

Or are you in a season of overwhelm that comes from over-functioning, over-committing, and over-scheduling? If you’re there, it may be time to take a break so that you can discern what it is that you really need to lighten up your load.

If you think you’ve fallen into a longer-term pattern of “margin-less” living, maybe it’s time to get honest with yourself and re-think how you’d like to live lighter in this next phase of life.

Resources

I’m on a journey to build more margins into my life and I love sharing what I’ve learned. Here are a few resources to help you find your own breathing space and reset your rhythms and patterns of living:

1. A free Timeout Strategies Checklist
2. If you’re ready for a deeper dive, check out this blog post on Jump starting your own midlife timeout.
3. I offer a limited number of free 30 minute introductory coaching sessions!

The post Building margins into your life appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

But I have learned that while my soul breathes with connection with people, for true rest, I need to disconnect even from those I love. I am an introvert, fueled by time with myself and my thoughts. I couldn’t exist without people — but I can’t exist without breathing room either. As I have slowed my pace over the past year and focused on my own health, I have become more in tune with this characteristic of myself.

My soul speaks softly

For the most part, my soul whispers and doesn’t demand. My soul doesn’t often speak up for itself so I am learning to listen for the gentle cues.

That restless feeling I held for so long, it was my soul begging for space. The anxiety about so many things — my soul trying to find the ground beneath me. The sense of being overwhelmed, buried by responsibility, also my tired soul.

Souls without breathing space suffer

Lack of soul space hurts us individually. Tired souls resort to unhealthy habits. While these habits may feel like breathing space, they are often temporary relief.

We call this “numbing” or “self-medicating.” Often this short-term approach looks like eating comfort foods, unwinding with a glass of wine or a beer, seeking others’ approval, or distracting ourselves with any number of non-productive activities. A variety of activities sooth our spirits without truly feeding our deepest souls.

Without breathing space we risk wounding others

As women in our 40s, 50s, 60s or even older, we often have roles intertwined closely with others. We may be leaders in our careers, churches or ministries, and families. And in other roles, we support people — our husbands, children, parents, friends, co-workers.

When we fail to protect our soul space, we become tense and wound so tightly that those around us feel it. Tired souls are prone to holding those around us to higher standards because we have no room or time left for grace. We may become demanding and short-tempered. Tired souls feel like unfulfilled souls, and if we are not careful, discontent grows, festers and infects our homes and lives.

To be our best, our souls must have breathing space

Each of us must find our own rhythm and pace, one that is comfortable and soul-filling. I need time alone to disconnect from others and reconnect with my own feelings, thoughts and dreams. I also need time with my husband, two daughters, other close family members and friends. And, honestly, reading, writing and being creative in others ways fill my soul as well.

Everyone is wired differently. If these activities sound boring or feel like soul drudgery to you, listen to your soul. What makes your soul sing?. You may need bright lights and crowds to reenergize. Whatever fuels your spirit, do this!

And in all this, listen for a higher purpose

The one soul-filling activity most of us need more than any other is spending time with God. So often, human beings search for fulfillment externally when the true source is much simpler. Our creator designed us to crave time with him. And he made it so easy; God is in every detail of his creation around us — other human beings, animals, trees, mountains, lakes and oceans, sunrise and sunset. He speaks to us directly through his written word, the Bible; and he speaks to us in whispers, through nature, and through others.

God’s message is delivered again and again. We are enough, we are forgiven for our lack and our sin, through his son. He is our guide, he is our shepherd, and he will lead us and restore our souls. King David spoke of this in the 23rd Psalm, often quoted in times of intense need. I find his words bring me peace and hope in my daily journey:

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

Psalms‬ ‭23:1-3‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Sometimes we are uncomfortable with space

Especially if we haven’t experienced breathing space for a while, we may feel guilty for not being productive. Or we focus on what’s left undone if / when we take time for ourselves.

But that little voice putting you down and making you feel insufficient — it’s not God talking. God never beats us up for what we haven’t done, he just keeps pointing the way to himself, to never-ending soul space. He points us to the eternal spring of “living water” that fills us up.

Is it time to give your cranky soul breathing room?

Now that I’m listening to my soul better, I realize how cranky it had become. I’ve apologized to that poor soul and promised I will take better care of it. Perhaps it’s time for you to make changes as well!

Just ask yourself: what makes my soul sing? Listen for the response, and listen more, and more. And begin to create a little breathing room.

May you pause today and listen to your soul. May you hear the whispers and move slowly, gently, to create more space. May you wake up and feel weight lifted off your shoulders and beautiful breathing room surrounding you.

The post Soul space: Finding time to breathe appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.