What keeps us from being mindfully present?

Sometimes we’re simply too busy living our lives to stop and really take notice. And sometimes, we’re overwhelmed by the lives we live — and want to escape, numb or avoid what we need to do, or think we should do.

And can mindful presence transform our lives? I think it can.

But I’m learning that being mindfully present takes active engagement, a curious mind, and a willingness to challenge ourselves to think in new ways. And it’s not a one-time endeavor, it’s more of a lifelong adventure.

Read on for my thoughts and 7 questions to ask yourself about your circumstances!

What does it mean to be mindfully present?

Being present is the act of being fully in the moment. But mindfulness takes it a step further to encompass our intentional response to the environment around us. When we’re mindfully present, we’re here now in this moment, but we’re also paying attention with our five senses.

And when we’re mindfully present, we intentionally control our actions rather than reacting blindly. As human beings, we’re wired to protect ourselves, to avoid danger, to stay alive. We are thinking beings, but many of our thoughts are subconscious and may not be altogether reliable.

Introducing the think, feel, act cycle

I learned about the think, feel, act cycle a couple of years ago. Rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this model helps us better understand the conscious — and unconscious — thought patterns that influence how we navigate life. The model contains five interacting components: Circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.

Faced with a new circumstance, our busy brains think thoughts and make judgements about the situation. Based on those judgements, we feel a particular way (emotions). And our feelings influence how we act — leading to behaviors, outcomes or results.

This cycle happens beneath the surface so many of us don’t pay any attention to it. As we begin to pay attention to our thought processes and patterns, we can shift these ingrained thought habits to help us better navigate our circumstances.

Let’s take a closer look …

What happens when we encounter a new circumstance? When we notice the situation, our brain kicks into gear to make sense of it. Here’s how this might play out with a bear in the yard (if you live in Alaska like me, this actually happens occasionally):

First, we think. We collect facts, such as the symptoms and severity, and we make judgements. If we’ve experienced something similar, we apply what we learned to project what might happen now. These are basic instincts by which our ancestors survived. A bear attacked someone in the woods a couple of years ago; a bear in my yard might attack and kill me.

Then we feel. I don’t want to be eaten by a bear. I’m anxious and afraid, I begin to panic.

And that tells us how we should act. I’m in danger, I better run or hide.

What happens if we mindfully interrupt this cycle?

For starters, psychologists tell us that all circumstances are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge them so with our thoughts and judgements. This makes sense when we think again of the bear — a hunter in bear season (and not in the city) would think of a bear sighting as a good thing. Me, without bear spray in my hand in my back yard, might judge the situation to be unsafe.

Also, we can control our thoughts. We can stop the cycle by first noticing what our brains are telling us.

In the bear situation, we might notice that we’ve jumped to the conclusion that the bear is going to eat us — but actually, it’s not uncommon for bears to come into neighborhoods during the summer, searching for trash or other easy food. We can begin to ask questions: What shelter do I have? How close is the bear? How is it behaving? Will it go away if I make noise?

When we calm our brain from its panicked state, we can begin to change the thought process that leads to sometimes overwhelming feelings — and subsequent actions. This can lead us to more helpful results or outcomes.

Putting it to work in your life

Most of us aren’t facing bears on a regular basis. But we do navigate changing and sometimes challenging circumstances in our lives.

What are some circumstances that you’re navigating now? And how can you be more mindfully present?

As we’ve talked about navigating change in middle adulthood, common situations that may arise include:

• Changing jobs
• Young adult children leaving home (empty nest)
• Relationship changes (losing a spouse or family member, divorce, friendship shifts)
• Illness (yours or a family member’s)
• Moving
• Wanting to change a habit (perhaps to create a new one or change how you’ve typically responded)
• And many more!

Questions to help you be mindfully present

Here are some questions to guide you in being mindfully present to your evolving circumstances:

1. What is the current circumstance?
2. What are my initial thoughts and feelings about the circumstance?
3. And what behaviors or actions does this suggest for me?
4. What story am I telling myself about this circumstance?
5. Could there be a different way to think about it? Another perspective that might serve me better?
6. Who has gone through something similar and what suggestions can they give me?
7. How will I change my reactions — and actions — based on retracing the steps in this cycle?

Being mindfully present takes practice!

Each day, we begin again.

Leanna Tankersley

We show up, we notice. And we give ourselves grace to keep walking on, being a beginner.

May you be mindfully present right now. May you acknowledge and accept how you feel, and open your eyes to view your circumstances in new ways. And may you retrace the cycle to act in the best way possible for you, today❣️

The post Are you mindfully present? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Anchors vary from person to person. But often, anchors include our very deepest values (faith and love); spiritual practices (prayer or meditation); and, soul care practices (deep breathing, walks in nature). Many people also find anchors in creative pursuits (writing, painting, or making something); or in physical activity (walking or running, yoga).

Navigating change without anchors

Navigating change without anchors is much like navigating a boat in the ocean during a storm. We’re rocked by the changes and bounce around without control. As events buffet us around, we feel overwhelmed and uncertain.

During these times, our unconscious brain steps into action with fight, flight or freeze reactions driven from a place of survival. Essentially, our brain senses we’re in danger and jumps into “fix-it” mode without accessing higher-level thinking.

We need anchors to steady us

Anchors steady us and keep us from being tossed in random directions. In particular, Gorman says that in times of change we need “sea anchors,” a powerful type of anchor used in the open ocean to help boats ride out rough seas. These anchors keep the boat facing into the wind so it can ride out the storm without capsizing.

During turbulent seasons of change, we need deep, anchoring practices to stabilize us. These practices enable us to move beyond basic survival responses, calm our anxious nervous systems, and allow us to access higher executive functions.

Anchors steady us while we process change

We need these steadying practices to enable us to begin processing how we will move forward in a season of change. In the book “The Body Keeps the Score,” Bessel Van Der Kok, M.D., writes that the more aware we are of “our subtle sensory, body-based feelings,” the “greater our potential to control our lives.”

We have to slow down enough to recognize what we’re feeling so that we can begin to understand why we feel that way. Our anchors help us return to what we know to be true — and begin to pay attention to the signals our bodies, minds, and hearts are giving us about the change.

What are your anchors?

Most of us have multiple anchors. You’ll likely find several that you return to time and again. It’s important to notice what calms you — and avoid short-term fixes such as numbing your feelings or ignoring your problems.

When I’m navigating change, I use a variety of anchors. As I search for what I know to be true, I return most often to my faith and its grounding practices, walking and observing nature, and seeking out ways to be creative (writing, painting, taking photographs, etc.)

May you find healthy anchors …

Marian Wright Edelman, in her book, The Sea is So Wide and My Boat is So Small, wrote these words:

“God, we have pushed so many of our children into the tumultuous sea of life in small and leaky boats without survival gear and compass.

Forgive us and help them to forgive us.

Help us now to give all our children the anchors of faith and love, the rudders of purpose and hope, the sails of health and education, and the paddles of family and community

to keep them safe and strong when life’s sea gets rough.”

Marian Wright Edelman, The sea is so wide and my boat is so small

Let’s do this, first for ourselves — and then for our children as well!

The post Anchors for navigating change appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.