Staying present in your life when your mind is busy

Staying present in your life when your mind is busy can be exhausting. But it doesn’t have to be a battle.

This practice of paying attention to ourselves doesn’t come easily to many of us. We’re much more accustomed to attending to those around us. We’re comfortable with caring for others, and out of practice with caring for ourselves.

But I’m practicing being present, staying mindful in 2022. I’m noticing my busy mind — and remembering a few tips for staying present.

If your mind is so busy you’re tempted to throw your hands up in despair, perhaps these observations will give you the presence of mind to move forward productively!

My mind is busy and I struggle to stay present

On a snowy January day, the snow falls gently outside my window, a snow globe that resembles my busy mind. My mind swirls out of control, and it’s particularly hard to stay attuned to my body, mind and soul.

My thoughts are all over the place and paying attention exhausts me, but I jot down a few notes:

• I feel “off-kilter.” My routine is out of balance as appointments shift and cancel, unexpected tasks arrive, and calls interrupt.
• I can’t focus. I want and try to stay present, but all of the changes and interruptions tug my mind in a million different directions.
• A slightly-agitated and unproductive feeling hangs with me. I tackle small projects, but I’m not making progress on my big goals.
• I’m overwhelmed and disappointed with myself. But I sense that these feelings are just the tip of the iceberg and that more feelings lie under the surface.
• Staying present feels hard. And reminding myself to stay present just annoys me further.

And all of this just makes me want to curl up by the fire while at the same time, I really want and need to be productive!

There’s a battle in my head

And I’m stuck in the middle of conflicting feelings, paralyzed. I have so many things I want and need to do.

But I’m mid-winter tired of this weather and of trying to push through all the things. And, I realize, I’m halfway through a 10-day stretch that was supposed to be a break from winter and a chance to spend time with loved ones.

I’m cranky and disappointed and this weather presses in on me, making me wish for sunshine and connection.

Just acknowledging the battle gives me hope

Perhaps paying attention matters most when we can’t quite name our feelings. Acknowledging the conflict in our hearts and minds helps us pay attention and understand what’s overwhelming us.

We notice the mixed feelings swirling around us, like a snowstorm. We separate from them, describe them and try to name them, however imperfectly.

And knowing the battle’s in my mind feels like an ah-ha moment. Because when we know there’s a fight, we realize there’s an enemy. And that enemy will keep us fighting against ourselves as long as we let it.

And I remember an important lesson about being mindful.

Being mindful is noticing, not fighting feelings

When I did a one-day silent retreat a few years ago, I entered the room with little introduction or knowledge about mindfulness. After spending six of the eight hours struggling with my busy mind, I accepted the leader’s invitation for a one-on-one consultation.

I told her I was surprised at the mental and physical exhaustion of “practicing” being present. The more I tried to be calm and quiet, the busier my mind became.

She wisely and patiently advised me to simply notice my thoughts, not fight them. She suggested I welcome my thoughts, picture them arriving as sediment in a bucket of water, and let them settle gently to the bottom.

Remember to notice

I need this lesson again and again, if I’m honest. My natural inclination is to power on, ignore those pesky feelings, or trample them in the dust of my own expectations of what needs to be done.

But I know where this road leads. I’ve been here many times and it’s not where I want to go today.

So I’ll sit for a minute with my bucket of feelings. Pause, notice. Welcome them in, try to name them as they drift down around me.

Let them come and go. Watch them slowly settle.

Be mindful instead of powering through with a mind full of thoughts and emotions. And as my mind slows and settles, I notice this presence of mind helps me step forward.

What needs tending in this moment?

I remember the check that needs to be sent and I write it out, put it in an envelope, address it, add a stamp. Then I put on my boots and coat and walk it out to the mailbox.

And as I turn back to the house, I notice the snow falling gently and the trees covered again in snow. I hear the birds chirping.

I’m here, present to the beauty around me.

And inevitably, my soul settles.

I’m okay. The world is okay, too.

Being mindful when our minds are full is a gentle practice of paying attention, attending, tending. When we pay attention to our hearts, minds and bodies, we’re here, in attendance. We’re tending to ourselves and to our world.

May you be present for each thought and feeling in your busy mind. May you welcome them like snowflakes falling around you. And as they settle softly around you, may you tend to what needs tending.

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