Reconnecting with childhood friends in midlife: 3 reasons why

I recently reconnected with a friend I knew best when I was ages 8-13, and this experience reminds me that reconnecting with childhood friends in midlife can have unexpected benefits. While not everyone had an altogether happy childhood, most everyone recalls at least one childhood friend with fond memories. Some of us are lucky and stay connected throughout life. For many in our more mobile society, we move and lose touch, or at least drift apart.

1. Childhood friends remind us who we were, before we became so complicated

Early friendships are often deeply grounded in the time when we were most authentically ourselves, before self-doubt and responsibility kicked into high gear. There’s something almost undefinable in the connection, particularly if you shared unique life stories, such as living in another country or going through tumultuous times together.

These types of friendships are rare gems and they can bring you back to the core of who you are, in just a short time together. My friend Johanna and I had fun talking about our shared experience of being “MK”s, or Missionary Kids — in Brazil. Our conversations grounded me in the authenticity of the child I was, the embrace of the community to which I belonged, and the simplicity of a world that moved more slowly.

2. Childhood friends help us remember details and defining experiences

Johanna and I lived in a small jungle community, along the Madeira River (a tributary of the Amazon). The Porto Velho center served as a base camp and translation center for 15-20 families. Jo and her sister Tina were two of my closest friends. I was the oldest of four, with three younger brothers, and I often brought the middle one along to play, particularly after the youngest was born and mom needed support. We called each other’s parents “aunt” and “uncle,” a tradition within the organization that bound us together. This tended to blur the lines of friendship and families at times, and connected us further.

Although she was born while her parents were on furlough in the United States, Jo was in Brazil much longer than I, up until she was a senior in high school. She remembers when I fell off the porch of the school and broke my arm. I remember sitting on the stairs at her house, 4-5 of us girls lined up one above the other, doing each others’ hair. We talked about our Porto Velho friends, and who is doing what now. We have a shared Facebook group which also allows us to reconnect on a broader scale.

3. Childhood friends remind us of the complexities of growing up — and sometimes why we do what we do

Those pre-teen, early teen years are tumultuous for most of us. And navigating friendships was never easy for me, even within a small community. Life on the mission field was more transient than you might expect. Most families spent 3-5 years abroad, returning home in between for furloughs. This tended to create “gaps” in friendships, and rearranged the dynamics between those remaining. Plus, some families joined the team and others left, as mission needs or family situations changed.

These shifts in the community often meant that friendships were renegotiated or shifted. While overall there was little room to be completely left out in our small community, still, more than once, my “best friend” either moved away or found a new best friend while I was away. Similarly, when friends in our hometown realized that I was moving away, they often shifted their alliances in advance. And while I did the same, as we naturally did, I tended to feel the hurt of being on the outside of the relationship deeply. Looking back, I realize that this dynamic had the dual impact of enabling me to quickly make casual friends — yet somewhat cautious in developing deeper friendships.

My family left Brazil when I was 13

We moved the summer prior to my freshman year of high school. At the time, the only high school available was a boarding school hundreds of miles away. My parents chose to return to our hometown, so that our family could stay together and I and my brothers would have a stable school environment.

Reconnecting with a childhood friend in midlife has grounded me in a way I didn’t expect

Reconnecting more than 40 years after we spent time together has been a lot of fun! With a shared history and common values, conversations seems to pick up almost effortlessly despite the passing of time. And there is an inexplicable “shorthand” ease to discussions. But more than that, I was reminded of a part of my life that seemed so far away. Sharing memories with a friend has brought this time into sharper focus — and I am grateful for that!

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold. A circle is round, it has no end. That’s how long, I will be your friend.

A fire burns bright, it warms the heart. We’ve been friends, from the very start.

Traditional Girl Scout song

May you find gold and silver in your friendships, both new and old, today and in the past! May your efforts to reconnect find simple and true connections. And may you always cherish the warmth of a conversation and a welcoming hug from friends near and far.