Neighborly holiday habits

As I watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood this past week, it occured to me that we could all benefit from some neighborly holiday habits. Mister Rogers was the master of caring, one person (or child) at a time. He made his neighborhood, and the world, a better place.

In Mister Rogers’ presence, people believed they mattered, that someone cared about them. And we need more of this feeling around the holidays.

We can easily implement simple neighborly holiday habits, but before I get to that, I have to start with an apology.

I owe Fred Rogers an apology

Let me just say it now, “I’m sorry Mister Rogers.” I am sorry for thinking you were slow and too intense, and for mistrusting your motives. “Yes, I’d love to be your neighbor and you’ve taught me to be a better neighbor, too.”

Somehow I think Mister Rogers would understand.

I misunderstood him

I was five years old when Fred Rogers began the television program in 1968, but I don’t recall seeing the show until I was about 13 years old, with my younger brothers. And of course, I wasn’t his target audience at that point. In the 40+ years since then, I have learned a lot about Mister Rogers and how badly I misunderstood him.

I began to change my mind about Fred several years ago, when my pastor declared that Fred Rogers was one of his heroes. I learned about Mister Rogers’ background as a Presbyterian pastor — and my pastor even donned a sweater on days he needed to remember to be kind.

Mister Rogers truly cared about people

Fred Rogers made a big difference to children for more than 33 years through this television show. He impacted many young children and adults through a ministry that wasn’t even officially a ministry.

“This is what I give. I give an expression of care every day to each child, to help him realize that he is unique… I feel that if we in public television can only make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health.”

Fred Rogers, Senate hearing on PBS funding,

Let’s be good neighbors

So here’s what I think we could learn from Mister Rogers about neighborly habits for the holidays, or any day:

1. Good neighbors are good listeners. Mister Rogers had an uncanny ability to relate to one person, even as he talked to many. Whether he was interacting with someone, or talking into the camera, one always had the sense that Fred was listening and when he spoke, he was talking directly to you. You knew he was talking to you, because he looked right at you, without distraction. Be present for your people, not distracted.
2. Good neighbors can sit in silence when words don’t come easily. There is a scene in the movie where Lloyd Vogel, a reporter, and Fred are having breakfast together. When he learns the reporter doesn’t want to talk, he instead asks him to join him in a moment of silence. Not all of us could pull this off in the same way that Mister Rogers did, and really it’s not necessary. You may find that a friend needs someone to listen — or maybe to just be there without talking specifics. Sometimes people aren’t ready to talk, perhaps can’t name or voice their feelings – but it’s nice to have someone with you when you can’t name the pain.
3. Good neighbors stop by or invite you in. Mister Rogers called to follow up, stopped by for visit and was welcoming whenever Lloyd wanted to talk. We can do this by reaching out to friends and neighbors, as well as welcoming visitors to our home, our church, or even in our offices or work locations.
4. Good neighbors say thank you. After the interview, Mister Rogers called Lloyd to say thank you for the visit. Remember to say thank you for conversations, for gifts, for acts of service.
5. Good neighbors don’t take it personally when people step away from the conversation — and invite them back in when they are ready. This played out beautifully in the movie. Several times, the reporter walked away from the story. And each time, Fred either reached back out or allowed him to return on his own time. We can do this by being actively involved in conversations but allowing people to process and manage their own issues on their own time.
6. Good neighbors are friendly to those that others have given up on. No one wanted to accept an interview from this reporter who had a reputation of bitterness and skepticism. When Mister Rogers’ public relations guy tried to warn him off, Fred took a chance. He was willing to put in the time to get to know the reporter, help him see the value of the programming, and invest in the story. The most caustic people often need neighbors more than even they realize!
7. Good neighbors bring food or shovel a driveway when you’re struggling. Good neighbors bring a fresh pie and spend the time to share it with you, or sneak over before you return from work to shovel so you get a break. Notice people around you and bring a little sunshine in the form of baked goods or helping with a simple chore.

Neighborly holiday habits bring cheer, let people know that they are important, and help make the world a better place.

I hope that you find opportunities to be a good neighbor this holiday season, and that if you need a neighbor, one will find you. May you find wonderful comfort in neighborly holiday habits and bring cheer to those who need it most!