Mindful memories
We often think of creating mindful memories as we’re living life — but we get a second chance when we go through the many items we’ve kept over the years. As we downsize or declutter, we have the opportunity to curate what memories we hold onto and what we let go.
The Oxford Dictionary defines a curator as: “A keeper or custodian of a museum or other collection.”
Just as curators pick what goes into museums, art displays or any type of collection, we tell our stories with what we collect and display. When we’re mindful curators of our memories, we choose what stories we’ll tell about ourselves and our family members and how we want to be remembered.
Our memories are a precious collection
And at this midlife stage, we may find we have a considerable collection. As women, we keep mementos that represent the memories we’ve created personally. And, as mothers and daughters, we also hold precious the memories of our parents and our children (as memory makers and caretakers).
And honestly, some of us have extensive collections! If we don’t have time to make a decision on what to keep, we often toss things in a pile, file or box to sort through later. When we’re busy, we save more.
Are your memories like a crowded drawer?
Here’s what one midlife author said about our crowded minds at this stage of life:
“Here’s what it comes down to, really: there is so much stuff in my head, so many years, so many memories, that it’s taken the place of primacy away from the things in the bedrooms, on the porch. My doctor says that, contrary to conventional wisdom, she doesn’t believe our memories flag because of a drop in estrogen but because of how crowded it is in the drawers of our minds.”
Anna Quindlen, Lots of candles, Plenty of cake
Perhaps it’s time to reduce the crowding by curating the items we hold on to, so that we effectively tell the stories most important to us and the generations to come.
We have a broad perspective in midlife
The midlife season is a perfect time to consider what stories we’re telling ourselves and future generations. In fact, I believe that there’s no better time to create mindful memories than this midlife season.
Sandwiched between our parents and our children, we have a broader perspective than we’ve ever had. And, we’re old enough to know what’s important — and young enough to bear the decision-making weight.
A mindful memory decluttering session can have lasting impacts on our mental health as well.
Just as cleaning out our closets helps us dress ourselves more intentionally, sorting and organizing our memories helps us make way for new experiences.
Elaine Junge
A “tidy process” for decluttering memories
Several years ago, I read and was inspired by Marie Kondo’s books, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up” and the sequel, “Spark Joy.” I couldn’t tackle decluttering everything at once, but I’ve returned numerous times to these books.
And I’ve made lots of progress in various areas of our home. But the area I tiptoed through, not really addressing? Mementos and memories.
In fact, Kondo recommends saving mementos for the very last category to sort through when using her process. We need to build up our muscles in other categories before we tackle items with sentimental ties.
I highly recommend Kondo’s books, and her process for finding joy in what you keep. I think it’s a great start for anyone hoping to simplify and streamline their life.
But when it comes to photos, I draw from my journalistic roots and story-telling legacy! Over the years, my dad and mom told many wonderful stories of their lives together. And even when they divorced, these stories came up at family gatherings and in casual conversations. On top of that, dad was a prolific photographer, mostly of scenic views but also, especially when we kids were young, of family life.
I hope the process I’ve been going through will be helpful to you! Below are:
“Elaine’s 5 Mindful Memories Tips”!
1. Decide when you’re ready
For many busy years, I collected keepsakes and mementos of my life, many of which reminded me of my children or parents. And while my house appeared generally organized — behind the scenes was a mountain of mementos (photos, cards and letters, sentimental papers, art projects, and keepsakes).
I recently decided it was time to truly tackle the last refuge of mementos. I’d avoided my own household filing because I’d run out of file space. And, I knew the answer was decidedly NOT to buy another file cabinet. This was my forcing function.
I knew that cleaning out one file cabinet and filing the pile of paper was only the beginning. I was opening the door to a deeper tidying effort.
I was ready and knew it was time to prioritize the deeper effort required.
2. Pick a place to begin …
The file cabinet I needed for household papers was a two-drawer lateral file cabinet. In each drawer, 25+ years of keepsakes for each of my daughters. I’d labeled every year of their lives and kept their birth books, and keepsakes from pre-school through college.
Since neither of my girls had the bandwidth to go through these materials now (nor the storage space), I did a quick pass to remove items clearly not worth keeping. And, I bought nice plastic totes to box up the remainder.
3. Organize your children’s keepsakes
Your children’s keepsakes belong to them! Of course, you maintain memories from this time of your life, with photos and other memorabilia from your time together. But aside from photos and gifts or cards they’ve given you, the memories of your children’s childhoods are largely theirs to own. And the decision on what to keep should also be mostly theirs. That said, as their parent you may also need or want a say in when they’re ready to make good decisions about these items.
My girls are young adults in their mid-twenties and each in their own home. But they’re both likely to move in the next few years and neither has much storage space. At the moment I do have space for their keepsakes. Plus, I think they’ll gain a better perspective on what’s important to them as they settle down a bit more.
So, since I have shelf space in the laundry room, the totes full of papers went there, along with a few tubs of childhood toys and other keepsakes. All of this is ready to pass on to them to sort through sometime in the next couple of years.
4. Curate what you keep from your parents
As time goes on, your parents will share keepsakes with you. As my parents have aged and downsized, they’ve handed over some of their mementos as well.
Going through a parent’s belongings, particularly if you’ve lost them, can be quite difficult. And you may want to approach these memories in steps, keeping more initially and downsizing as you’re ready emotionally to process mementos.
When my dad passed away a year and half ago, my brothers and I consolidated everything and did an initial divvying up. As you might guess, I’m the sentimental one — so I kept Dad’s baby book and his slides, photographs, high school and college annuals, and many other items he collected over the years. I’ve also accumulated items from my mom as she’s downsized, first in a small apartment and now in assisted living.
I’ve kept many items that hold memories and sentiment. Now, I’m going through and realizing that some items hold more emotional ties than others. Really, do I need his old cell phone? In my case, I’ve decided not. You might decide differently, particularly if you’re telling a story of the technology of your parents’ time.
But items that dad made and even some of his clothing (such as a favorite jacket I wrap myself in sometimes) made the cut. And, going through the many photographs and slides has also required some staging. I’ve already done a couple of photo books and am collecting photos for two more which will be done over time.
5. Begin to curate your own memories mindfully
I’ve gone through the tidying process and our home, for the most part, contains only items we love. These will change over time as the person I’m becoming also changes. My biggest area of mindful memory organization opportunity is still my personal photo collection.
Like my father, I enjoy taking pictures. I love recording moments of connection with my family, places I visit, and moments of nature and beauty.
I’m making progress and focusing on retaining quality, not quantity. And I thought it might be helpful to include some of Marie Kondo’s advice that helps me in the process.
Kondo’s guiding philosophy for sentimental items
(Summarized from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up):
- “We live in the present. No matter how wonderful things used to be, we cannot live in the past. The joy and excitement we feel here and now are more important. So once again, the way to decide what to keep is to pick up each item and ask yourself, ‘Does this spark joy?‘”
- Handling each item helps us process our past, remove weight, and reset our lives to move forward more confidently.
- Treasuring the person we’ve become because of our past experiences is more important than the memories or keepsakes that remind us of the experience.
- “The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.”
- “Really important things are not that great in number.”
- “The meaning of a photo lies in the excitement and joy you feel when taking it. In many cases, the prints developed afterward have already outlived their purpose.”
- And finally, this one really resonated with me: “We shouldn’t still be sorting photos when we reach old age. If you, too, are leaving this task for when you grow old, don’t wait. Do it now. You will enjoy the photos far more when you are old if they are already in an album than if you have to move and sort through a heavy boxful of them.”
As you curate your own mindful memories …
Telling our stories helps us find meaning and purpose in the experiences that have brought us to this point in time. And we learn from each other as we make sense of our own lives.
May curating mindful memories unfold as a meaningful journey! May you treasure the person you’ve become through your life experiences. And may you find peace and purpose in the life you now live.
