Life is in the transitions

The middle of anything can be messy work, and we soon learn that while it’s uncomfortable, life is built in the transitions. In the middle of life, these transitions seem less predictable, harder than many of us anticipate.

We know that changes will come, and mostly we expect them to be slow and gradual. We get so caught up in living the life we’ve chosen or that chose us and we just don’t notice how fast it’s all going. Nor do we pause to make the internal changes that are required to navigate the external ones.

We go through a lot of transitions in this messy middle of life.

Kids grow up

From the beginning, we know that the children we have will grow up. We just don’t realize it will happen so soon. I saw a reel on my Instagram feed today, one of those 15-30 second video creations, that showed a young mom holding a toddler and with a snap of the fingers, he was a teenager giving her a hug.

And size isn’t the half of it. Kids grow physically, yes, but they also grow mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Their in-between-ness gets caught up with our in-between-ness and it can be tricky sometimes. Not only did my 15 year old act like a two year old at times, but somehow it also brought out the toddler in ME.

Even our parents change

I began to realize my parents were aging in the years before I turned 40. I was finally getting my parenting legs under me, with kids that were “tweens.” And on my visits home, I realized my parents were changing. They no longer had kids at home. My younger brothers had moved on, and mom and dad were adjusting to just each other at home.

And that adjustment didn’t go too well. They tried hard, but just couldn’t seem to reconnect after too many years of raising kids, making a living, keeping the house. The year I turned 40, they separated and then divorced.

Their divorce was a transition me as well

Realizing that your parents are not infallible was a big eye-opener. Perhaps I should have known this before. I certainly had many complaints with my parents as a teenager and yet I still fell into the slumber of predictability and routine.

Not to mention that this particular year also brought other big changes. We lost my sister-in-law, my husband began to talk of deploying with the Army Reserves in the after-math of 911, and we had a rocky year in our own marriage, working out issues that had built up over time.

We all grow and change over time

Change definitely shouldn’t surprise us and yet it does, time and again. We expect people around us to behave in a certain way, react predictably to unpredictable situations. And yet, over time, we learn that we can’t even always predict how we ourselves will react to these “opportunities for growth.”

I’m finding that we need to slow down, to name the changes and the emotions that come along with them. We have to intentionally Transition through change and Navigate unexpected events.

I’m learning that life is in the transitions

As I sit here writing this, huge mounds of snow block my view of the street outside my window. It’s early spring in Alaska, mid-March, the time of year when much of the United States no longer has snow. But here, we have several weeks of spring ahead.

We call this season “break-up,” a messy middle phase between spring and summer, a transitional time. The snow begins to melt, the sky drops rain or more snow, we never quite know which it will be. But gradually, a little at a time, the piles of snow pack and melt, pack and melt.

Like a flower beneath the snow, we’re growing

And one day, the tulips and daffodils that I planted so carefully into the soil all around the house last fall, will begin to poke up. These determined flowers push tiny stems up through patches of snow at first. They’re strong. They’ve gathered strength through the deep, dark winter.

And I know that you and I are just as strong. We’ve been through a season of change, will go through even more in the days ahead. Transitions ground us, test our resolve, and also force us to change, to become a different version of ourselves. How we process these changes defines who we become.

Life is in this transition too

You may be asking yourself, Do I even know who I am? and feeling like a Next phase lost soul. We all do this when we go through change! But, with a bit of work, you’ll become the person you want to be.

Life is in this transition, my friend. Like that beautiful tulip, you’ll forge up and through the messiness of the in-between. I know you will.