When my first grandchild was born, I had another family commitment and didn’t expect to be there for his birth. But when I heard my daughter was in labor, my husband and I quickly regrouped and I was on the plane within less than 24 hours. We knew I needed to be there. And it was a race to see if Baby Jay or I would arrive first. In the end, I arrived for the last four hours of labor — and delivery. And it was one of the sweetest moments of my life. I couldn’t have been prouder of my daughter and son-in-law, or more thrilled with my grandson. I knew I would love being a grandma, but you just don’t “know” until you KNOW. I’ve loved watching him grow — and his parents adapting to parenthood like champs has been so much fun.

So when the kids announced that Baby #2 was on the way, well, I’m ready. This grandma arrived a week early. Which brings me back to the waiting.

I’m here in South Korea

I came to South Korea a week early, because Jay arrived a week early — so naturally we expected little Kayleigh might do the same. And we all wanted to be sure I could be there to support their little household, especially with a 14-month old now in the picture.

But apparently, Ms. Kayleigh Jane has a mind of her own.

We’re four days past her due date.

And we’re waiting. Change is coming, and we’re waiting.

So what do you do when you’re waiting?

First of all, we trust God’s timing. We don’t understand the reasons but we know that God does. Perhaps Kayleigh needs more time to develop. Maybe the right staff aren’t yet available at the hospital. Someone suggested she’s waiting for Grandpa to arrive. Mama says she might be planning to stay in her tummy until her 18th birthday (send sustenance)! Whatever the timing, we know that it will be just right.

Secondly, we accept that whatever the reasons, they’re out of our control. We joke about doing all of the things to make baby come sooner (bumpy drives, walking), but in the end a due date is an educated guess!

Third, we prepare the best we can. As I write this, mama and Baby Jay are taking a nap and Papa is out grocery shopping. I finished knitting Kayleigh’s blanket several days ago, did a meal prep plan and am supporting where I can — and I am getting in my daily walks, a necessity for this grandma that needs fresh air and movement.

Fourth, find joy in the moments. I’ve had so much fun reconnecting with Jay and his parents, and ensuring that he’s comfortable with Grandma when Mama and Papa go to the hospital. We spent time together this summer and we talk often on video calls so he knew my face! We’ve all had fun hanging out at the apartment, going out to dinner, and to the mall. And two nights ago, Sara and Andrew had their first date since Jay was born!

Rest into the waiting

As excited as we can be for change (especially a new baby), sometimes God prepares us in ways we can’t even imagine. If you’re in a season of unexpected waiting for change that seems to be barreling straight at you, I encourage you to slow down and appreciate the waiting instead of second-guessing when and how the change will hit you. Sometimes the real gift lies in the waiting, in living Betwixt and Between!

May you find joy and peace in your waiting seasons as you also find hope and energy for stepping into the changes in your life.

The post When you’re waiting… appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

When we left for Spain last fall, we weren’t quite calling ourselves pilgrims (peregrinos in Spanish). We just knew this experience would be more than a vacation or a break from our everyday routine. With Wolfgang’s retirement at the beginning of the summer, we were transitioning and needed time and space to contemplate the next 30 years. I wrote about the beginning of our journey in A Living Lighter Camino.

The Camino came highly recommended from several friends and acquaintances. It truly seemed as though God was guiding us towards this cathartic opportunity. We were late in planning, ill prepared, and didn’t really know what to pack. But despite these uncertainties, God opened all the doors we needed to realize that this pilgrimage was meant to be.

Camino lesson #1: What is a pilgrimage?

Pilgrimage, while not much talked about today, has a long history in many religions, including Christianity. After building the temple in Jerusalem (ca. 957 B.C.), the Jewish people made pilgrimages to Jerusalem for three festivals: Passover, Pentecost, and the Feast of Tabernacles. On their way to the Temple, they sang the “pilgrim songs” or “songs of assent”, from Psalms 119-133.

As the Gospel spread throughout history, Christians hoped to gain clarity by traveling in the footsteps of Jesus and the apostles. Even when at risk of being martyred for their faith, the faithful flocked to the tombs of saints to honor them and God.

The word “pilgrim” derives from the Latin peregrinum and conveys the idea of a prolonged journey, often on foot, toward a specific destination of significance, with the purpose of honoring God. Traditionally, pilgrimages may be undertaken as penance for sin; as petition for a special blessing or favor; or simply out of devotion. Often, pilgrims search for new or expanded meaning and desire transformation in their daily lives.

Pilgrimage is not compulsory in Christianity, but many Christians choose to undertake journeys to holy sites to deepen their connection with God. feel connected to the worldwide community of Christians, and to meet Christians from different denominations.

Camino lesson #2: A modern pilgrim experience

If you haven’t had a pilgrimage experience, it might be helpful to imagine yourself in our shoes for a day! So, take a minute to picture yourself at the beginning of a typical pilgrim’s day:

• Stand or visualize yourself standing
• Shake out your arms, maybe take a couple of steps
• Now, imagine yourself beginning your job for the day – walking.
• Pick a specific destination about 12-20 miles away. For example, from downtown Anchorage it’s about 16 miles to the peak of Flattop.
• Imagine it’s summer and you’ll walk at an average pace of three miles per hour. Accounting for varied terrain, breaks and maybe a lunch stop, you’ll walk about 7-8 hours today.
• Visualize what clothes you’re wearing, what you’ll encounter during the day, and what you’ll take in your backpack. You’ll need essentials such as a rain jacket, trekking poles, water, maybe a sandwich or some snacks, and a first aid kit. You can also stop at a store, or restaurants or cafes along the way.
• Now, imagine this is just one day on a longer journey. You’ll be walking like this for the next 40 days!

If you were on the Camino, the path you’d travel always leads ultimately to one destination.

Camino lesson #3: Santiago

All paths of the Camino de Santiago lead to Santiago de Compostela. The city is named after the patron saint of Spain, Saint James (Sant Iago). Pilgrimages began in the 9th century when a farmer in Galicia discovered the remains of the apostle Saint James in a field. Today, the Camino contains Spain’s longest walking trails, with six major routes and several variants converging on Santiago de Compostela. 

The most popular of the routes, the route that we chose, is the Camino Frances: a 500-mile journey beginning in St Jean Pied de Port, just across the French border. The path travels due west through five regions of Spain. About 400,000 pilgrims arrive in Santiago each year, making it one of the most well-traveled long distance trails in the world.

For the typical pilgrim, the Camino Frances is broken up into 34 hiking segments varying in distance from 15–32 kilometers or 9-20 miles per day. The average pilgrim walks about 3 miles per hour on flat ground, but terrain, weather, and heat also affect the pace.

So on a short day, we walked for 4-5 hours. We averaged 6-7 hours per day with handful of days where it took us 8-10 hours. This does include breaks and meals along the way. Most segments had villages every couple of miles so finding a place to rest and eat wasn’t an issue.

Camino lesson #4: Everyone has a “why” and a way

Each pilgrim has their own story and reasons for going — and finds his or her own way. Every traveler’s journey begins with a first step over the threshold of wherever you call home. We started out from Anchorage with just a few reasons to go that made sense for us — and no clear vision of the path ahead.

We were experiencing life transitions, and this was an opportunity to examine long-held beliefs, patterns and habits. Literally, it was time to reevaluate everything — our future goals and plans, our relationship with each other, and most importantly our spiritual relationship with God.

Our way

There are as many ways to walk the Camino as there are pilgrims. The traditional way is to carry everything on your back, staying in an Alburgue or hostel. These facilities generally have dormitory style lodging with common areas for sleeping, bathing and eating.

Full disclosure, that was not our Camino. We hired a booking company out of Dublin Ireland to assist us with pre-planning our trip. As a result, each day we had a private room with bath, morning and evening meals, and luggage transfers. We carried only a small daypack with snacks, first aid supplies, water, and rain gear if needed.

As we prepared for our trip, we found countless videos and books on every aspect of the journey. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with so much information available. We were surprised and grateful to learn about an organization called American Pilgrims on the Camino, with nearly 50 local support groups in the US., including one in Anchorage. Attending several events at REI before we left taught us much about what to expect.

On the advice of many, we incorporated five rest days throughout the trip, mainly in larger cities. We were not fluent in Spanish but we found that many locals spoke some English. And we communicated with a combination of our poor language skills, Google Translate, and hand signals.

Camino lesson #5: Not only a physical journey

This “walk” was more than a physical journey. The Camino was a metaphor for the path of life and offered us a chance to better know ourselves, each other, companions on our journey and God. In so many ways, this trip exceeded all of our expectations.

Every day was a blessing. Just to be able to physically complete the trip was not a certainty when we started. There was a financial cost to the trip, but we were blessed to be able to afford to do so.

The biggest blessings were far beyond the tangible accomplishment of reaching Santiago de Compostela. Wolfgang and I are still processing our journey, but we know beyond a doubt that it’s leading us into a deeper understanding of God and our life path.

Some guidebooks to the Camino label Santiago as the “turnaround point,” a place where you begin to head for home with a new perspective. I’m finding truth in this analogy as well. I’ve now been home almost as long as I was on the Camino and here’s what I know so far.

Spiritual lessons from our Camino

When God says go, he prepares the way.

We honestly weren’t sure we could pull it together after a very busy summer. But we kept feeling God’s urging to go and through his grace, a myriad of details came together in less than a month. He showed up in so many ways to give us the space, time and support we needed to go on this journey.

WHEN GOD PREPARES THE WAY, he prepares OUR HEARTS.

Going on the Camino felt daunting and uncertain. We didn’t know if we could walk 500 miles or would be able to manage the rigors of the trip. God worked in our hearts to let go of any expectation, and just take it a day at a time. He’s teaching us to be courageous about stepping into our life in this way also reimagining what the next 5, 10, 20 years might bring.

As we walk, God reveals the path.

The Camino taught us to be present in the moment, focused on the path in front of us, step by step. We knew we were on the right path as we saw the yellow arrows and scallop shell symbols that marked the way. Sometimes we had to search, and we got off course a couple of times, but markers inevitably appeared. Similarly, God gives us markers to guide us in life, though they’re not always as obvious.

It’s human to carry more than we need; God says lighten up.

Matthew 11:28 says, “for my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” The Camino reminded us that we “need” less than we think. We learned to pack lighter and trust that God and the Camino would supply our needs along the way as well. We’re incorporating this into our daily lives, continuing to cleanse and declutter our home and our schedules.

God is with us in the messy parts.

I struggled at many points along the trail but particularly during two back-to-back days in the middle. My feet hurt, I was mentally and physically tired, and I was emotionally exhausted. As if to remind me that I was never alone, even in the tough spots, God kept showing up with little gifts. When I think time on the Camino, what I remember most is a gracious hostess in a lovely house built over a river, a group dinner that filled my soul, a beautiful sunrise, and a new pair of more cushy sandals. God met me right in the middle of the mess, reminding me that He is always there.

God gave us companions for a reason.

He intends for us to share life with other people. The companionship on the trail was one of the most unanticipated blessings of the trip. When we met people, we already shared a common bond. We greeted each other with the trail greeting, “buen camino,” which means “good journey.”

As we walked and talked with people grieving the loss of a child or a spouse, or going through a divorce, or moving like us into retirement – we found a much larger perspective. We had genuine and open conversations about all aspects of life (grief, suffering, trial, yes but also joy, hope, perseverance). Conversation sharpened our sense of compassion and connected us deeply with people around us. It’s a joy to continue to connect and have conversations with friends and family now that we’re home.

Walking in nature is an act of worship and prayer.

As we walked each day, we could see and appreciate God’s presence in the brilliance of the sky, the way the clouds dance on the horizon, the splendor of the landscape. When we pay attention, his presence is front and center and invites practices of prayer and contemplation. On hills, a friend taught me to pray with each step, sometimes as simple as “The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need.” And indeed, each day, I did.

A Camino lesson for you?

Walking or taking a long pilgrimage isn’t for everyone. I hope that our journey inspires you to seek God or a higher power in your own unique path. Perhaps you too will find healing and joy in nature and companionship with others on a similar path in life. If you want to know more about our trip or ask me questions, follow me on social media or send me a note! I’m delighted to share! You can also watch our talk during the service at First Presbyterian Church of Anchorage.

I’ll leave you with this! God has a plan for your life that is bigger than you can imagine. Will you trust him to reveal it to you? Buen Camino!

Gratitude is a Camino lesson as well

A final note. We couldn’t have done this trip without support from our family and friends. Being away from home for seven weeks took planning and preparation, and a small cadre to care for our pets, water plants, and check in on our home. I’m also very grateful for the community surrounding my mom when my step-dad passed away – and her encouragement to continue on to Santiago.

The post Camino lesson: Walking is a metaphor appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

When you view life as a journey, it just makes sense to live it out with an adventure that puts to test my theory of living lighter — over an extended trip. We left Anchorage on August 24, 2023, bound for Spain and the Camino de Santiago, a 500-mile pilgrimage walk.

We acclimated in Barcelona, Spain for a few days before taking a train to Pamplona and a bus to Saint Jean Pied de Port, in France. We’re doing the Camino Frances, or French route, which stretches 800+ kilometers east to west across Northern Spain.

Why we’re doing this

We’ve talked about the Camino de Santiago for a while. Wolfgang retired at the end of May, officially beginning our stage of both of us no longer working. And we knew we wanted what he called a “cathartic journey,” one that allows us to process where we’re at in life — and where we’re going in this new phase.

The Camino checks the “living lighter” box for me: it’s a journey where we carry what we need each day. The Camino is physically challenging, spiritually based, and in a new environment. And, we’re far away from our normal daily routines and pushing ourselves each day! We’ve been away from home now for 11 days and on the Camino for three days.

Guiding principles for living lighter on the Camino de Santiago

Here are some of the principles I wrote down to guide me on this trip:

• Do my best to walk the entire way.
• Let my body, mind and spirit guide my pace.
• Take good care of myself, getting the food, water, and rest that I need along the way.
• Focus on the experience, setting aside life outside of the path I’m on (to the extent that I can), while also keeping in touch with family and friends.
• Listen for God’s whispers on my heart and soul.
• Journal daily and draw/paint to reflect on the journey.
• Learn to travel light, taking just what I need for the day.

Why now?

The timing is good for our journey. Over the past few months, we’ve celebrated our daughter’s doctorate degree, both of our 60th birthdays, and the wedding of our daughter and new son-in-law. We’ve enjoyed the (rainy) Alaska summer, sold our little “Covid cabin” and upgraded to a new larger cabin next door, and done a bit of remodeling. We all participated in my niece’s wedding. And, we spent extended time with our other daughter, son-in-law and grandson before they headed to South Korea for two years.

The summer couldn’t have been fuller! And doing the Camino de Santiago gives me a chance to step back from my life and look at the transition we’re already experiencing.

This trip is a perfect way to move into a new season of the year and a new season of life. Before setting out, I made another trip to Oregon to ensure that Mom and my step-dad were settled well. Just after I left, he broke his hip which is daunting news for and 82-year-old, particularly one with dementia. Fortunately, they did surgery and he returned to the Memory Care facility with good support before we left. I signed up for an international plan so I can continue to talk with mom daily. She’s amazed to be following our travels so closely from Oregon!

Living lighter when you’re on the move

We’re not staying in any one place very long! We stayed four nights in Barcelona but the rest of our trip consists of one- to two-night stays in different hotels or hostels. We used a booking company to arrange accommodations for the Camino itself, as well as our breakfasts and most dinners, and luggage transfers. We’ll stay in more than 30 hotels while we’re gone!

So how do you practice living lighter when you’re constantly on the move? We packed a bare minimum in clothing and toiletries, focusing mostly on the essentials for walking each day in a variety of conditions. Our gear includes backpacks, trekking poles, first aid kits, sun/rain hat, a rain coat or poncho, and perhaps an extra layer or change of clothes for the day, depending on the weather forecast.

Stay tuned for another update! You may not be on the road with me, but you’re on your own journey and I wish you the traditional greeting of the Camino de Santiago — Buen Camino!

The post A “living lighter” Camino appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

When the saying “betwixt and between” came to mind, I had to pause to look it up. I learned that the two words mean essentially the same thing, though betwixt is rarely used in present-day language.

Grammarphobia references the Oxford English Dictionary definition of betwixt and between as meaning “in an intermediate or middling position; neither one thing nor the other.” We’re neither here nor there, but somewhere in the middle.

Almost certainly, if you’re in midlife and you’re reading this, you are navigating change in one aspect or another of your life. And often, it’s not simply that we’re becoming “empty-nesters,” taking on an increasing role helping our parents, or searching for new fulfillment. We, and our family members and friends, undergo other changes, some positive and some downright challenging.

Being between seasons can be unsettling. So, as I often do, I look to nature for parallels to life. I hope these meandering thoughts will help you in this messy middle.

Betwixt and between is a messy season

Here in Alaska, we’re definitely “betwixt and between” winter and spring. Alaskans call this in-between season break-up, a nod to the messy process of melting snow, uncovering the dirty roads and whatever else has accumulated over the long winter.

“Break-up” has been my least favorite season for the past 37 years of Alaskan life. Usually, winter puts up a good fight before loosening her grip. Snow covers the ground yet, but one minute it’s crunchy and firm under my feet, the next it’s slush-snow on top of ice, wet and sloppy.

Summer seems far away. And, the weather app I use gives up on specifics, predicting instead a “wintry mix” of precipitation (snow or rain, who knows which when you’re hovering around the margins of freezing).

Most mornings, we choose to to continue our walks. With spikes on our shoes and growing light, we meander more than usual, avoiding puddles and potholes.

It’s not an easy time to walk through, with hit-or-miss footing and unpredictable weather.

But growth happens under the surface

Just as “a watched pot never boils,” it’s difficult to observe melting snow or personal transformation during change. It’s difficult to see or feel changes in ourselves when we’re going through them.

But much like the trees “wake up” from their long winter rest, we subtly change. In northern climates like Anchorage, the snow melts and the ground thaws. Water and nutrients reach the roots and draw up into the tree, mingling with the starches and sugars waiting. Sap begins to flow, carrying nutrients out to support new growth.

We undergo growth behind the scenes as well. Remember Transitioning through change? So important are these words from William Bridges, they bear repeating:

“Transition is not just a nice way to say change. It is the inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of how things used to be and reorient themselves to the way that things are now.”

William Bridges, revised by Susan Bridges, Transition as the ‘Way through

Similar to nature’s changing seasons, we go through an inner transition process. A reorienting process.

Betwixt and between is a process

We’re in motion. We’re on our way from there to somewhere. Once we loosen our grip on the past, we make way for today — and the future.

This in-between season is growing on me, perhaps because I’m learning to let go of what has been or even what’s to come. This “reorienting to the way things are now” takes practice. And while I can’t say I love the messiness of break-up, I’m learning to appreciate the season, not just for what it’s bringing — but for what it is.

When my friends and I set out on a walk at 9:30 this morning, the sun poked over the mountains to the east and shone through the trees. Out on the inlet, big brown ice chunks contrasted with snow-covered Mt. Susitna in the distance. And small LBJs (little brown-jobs), skittered and tweeted amongst the trees.

We saw a moose through leafless trees, my friend commenting that we wouldn’t have seen it in the summer as it would have been hidden by leaves. We moved a little faster up the hill than usual, holding the dogs close and watching to be sure she didn’t feel threatened and follow us.

We’re here, now, today. We saw the sun come up over the mountains, watched a moose carefully and at a distance, and heard the birds. Each day is different, a “wintry mix” of ugly and beautiful, and everything in between.

Somewhere betwixt and between lies hope

The roads have been worse than usual this year, everyone griping about the potholes and glaciated ice. I felt the same until the other day. My sister-in-law said smiling, as we bounced along ice-pocked roads, “It gives me hope!”

And I had to laugh and agree, reluctantly at first but with growing conviction. As gardeners, we know that there is a purpose in every season.

And in the bigger picture, though I may not see it now, I believe in a higher purpose.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

Some days I’m bouncy and jarred, and yet there’s hope.

May you find hope betwixt and between the “wintry mix” of life. May you be mindfully present to your here and now. And may you know the strength and conviction of God’s good purpose for you.

The post Betwixt and between appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

The Oxford Dictionary defines a curator as: “A keeper or custodian of a museum or other collection.”

Just as curators pick what goes into museums, art displays or any type of collection, we tell our stories with what we collect and display. When we’re mindful curators of our memories, we choose what stories we’ll tell about ourselves and our family members and how we want to be remembered.

Our memories are a precious collection

And at this midlife stage, we may find we have a considerable collection. As women, we keep mementos that represent the memories we’ve created personally. And, as mothers and daughters, we also hold precious the memories of our parents and our children (as memory makers and caretakers).

And honestly, some of us have extensive collections! If we don’t have time to make a decision on what to keep, we often toss things in a pile, file or box to sort through later. When we’re busy, we save more.

Are your memories like a crowded drawer?

Here’s what one midlife author said about our crowded minds at this stage of life:

“Here’s what it comes down to, really: there is so much stuff in my head, so many years, so many memories, that it’s taken the place of primacy away from the things in the bedrooms, on the porch. My doctor says that, contrary to conventional wisdom, she doesn’t believe our memories flag because of a drop in estrogen but because of how crowded it is in the drawers of our minds.”

Anna Quindlen, Lots of candles, Plenty of cake

Perhaps it’s time to reduce the crowding by curating the items we hold on to, so that we effectively tell the stories most important to us and the generations to come.

We have a broad perspective in midlife

The midlife season is a perfect time to consider what stories we’re telling ourselves and future generations. In fact, I believe that there’s no better time to create mindful memories than this midlife season.

Sandwiched between our parents and our children, we have a broader perspective than we’ve ever had. And, we’re old enough to know what’s important — and young enough to bear the decision-making weight.

A mindful memory decluttering session can have lasting impacts on our mental health as well.

A “tidy process” for decluttering memories

Several years ago, I read and was inspired by Marie Kondo’s books, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up” and the sequel, “Spark Joy.” I couldn’t tackle decluttering everything at once, but I’ve returned numerous times to these books.

And I’ve made lots of progress in various areas of our home. But the area I tiptoed through, not really addressing? Mementos and memories.

In fact, Kondo recommends saving mementos for the very last category to sort through when using her process. We need to build up our muscles in other categories before we tackle items with sentimental ties.

I highly recommend Kondo’s books, and her process for finding joy in what you keep. I think it’s a great start for anyone hoping to simplify and streamline their life.

But when it comes to photos, I draw from my journalistic roots and story-telling legacy! Over the years, my dad and mom told many wonderful stories of their lives together. And even when they divorced, these stories came up at family gatherings and in casual conversations. On top of that, dad was a prolific photographer, mostly of scenic views but also, especially when we kids were young, of family life.

I hope the process I’ve been going through will be helpful to you! Below are:

“Elaine’s 5 Mindful Memories Tips”!

1. Decide when you’re ready

For many busy years, I collected keepsakes and mementos of my life, many of which reminded me of my children or parents. And while my house appeared generally organized — behind the scenes was a mountain of mementos (photos, cards and letters, sentimental papers, art projects, and keepsakes).

I recently decided it was time to truly tackle the last refuge of mementos. I’d avoided my own household filing because I’d run out of file space. And, I knew the answer was decidedly NOT to buy another file cabinet. This was my forcing function.

I knew that cleaning out one file cabinet and filing the pile of paper was only the beginning. I was opening the door to a deeper tidying effort.

I was ready and knew it was time to prioritize the deeper effort required.

2. Pick a place to begin …

The file cabinet I needed for household papers was a two-drawer lateral file cabinet. In each drawer, 25+ years of keepsakes for each of my daughters. I’d labeled every year of their lives and kept their birth books, and keepsakes from pre-school through college.

Since neither of my girls had the bandwidth to go through these materials now (nor the storage space), I did a quick pass to remove items clearly not worth keeping. And, I bought nice plastic totes to box up the remainder.

3. Organize your children’s keepsakes

Your children’s keepsakes belong to them! Of course, you maintain memories from this time of your life, with photos and other memorabilia from your time together. But aside from photos and gifts or cards they’ve given you, the memories of your children’s childhoods are largely theirs to own. And the decision on what to keep should also be mostly theirs. That said, as their parent you may also need or want a say in when they’re ready to make good decisions about these items.

My girls are young adults in their mid-twenties and each in their own home. But they’re both likely to move in the next few years and neither has much storage space. At the moment I do have space for their keepsakes. Plus, I think they’ll gain a better perspective on what’s important to them as they settle down a bit more.

So, since I have shelf space in the laundry room, the totes full of papers went there, along with a few tubs of childhood toys and other keepsakes. All of this is ready to pass on to them to sort through sometime in the next couple of years.

4. Curate what you keep from your parents

As time goes on, your parents will share keepsakes with you. As my parents have aged and downsized, they’ve handed over some of their mementos as well.

Going through a parent’s belongings, particularly if you’ve lost them, can be quite difficult. And you may want to approach these memories in steps, keeping more initially and downsizing as you’re ready emotionally to process mementos.

When my dad passed away a year and half ago, my brothers and I consolidated everything and did an initial divvying up. As you might guess, I’m the sentimental one — so I kept Dad’s baby book and his slides, photographs, high school and college annuals, and many other items he collected over the years. I’ve also accumulated items from my mom as she’s downsized, first in a small apartment and now in assisted living.

I’ve kept many items that hold memories and sentiment. Now, I’m going through and realizing that some items hold more emotional ties than others. Really, do I need his old cell phone? In my case, I’ve decided not. You might decide differently, particularly if you’re telling a story of the technology of your parents’ time.

But items that dad made and even some of his clothing (such as a favorite jacket I wrap myself in sometimes) made the cut. And, going through the many photographs and slides has also required some staging. I’ve already done a couple of photo books and am collecting photos for two more which will be done over time.

5. Begin to curate your own memories mindfully

I’ve gone through the tidying process and our home, for the most part, contains only items we love. These will change over time as the person I’m becoming also changes. My biggest area of mindful memory organization opportunity is still my personal photo collection.

Like my father, I enjoy taking pictures. I love recording moments of connection with my family, places I visit, and moments of nature and beauty.

I’m making progress and focusing on retaining quality, not quantity. And I thought it might be helpful to include some of Marie Kondo’s advice that helps me in the process.

Kondo’s guiding philosophy for sentimental items

(Summarized from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up):

1. “We live in the present. No matter how wonderful things used to be, we cannot live in the past. The joy and excitement we feel here and now are more important. So once again, the way to decide what to keep is to pick up each item and ask yourself, ‘Does this spark joy?‘”
2. Handling each item helps us process our past, remove weight, and reset our lives to move forward more confidently.
3. Treasuring the person we’ve become because of our past experiences is more important than the memories or keepsakes that remind us of the experience.
4. “The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.”
5. “Really important things are not that great in number.”
6. “The meaning of a photo lies in the excitement and joy you feel when taking it. In many cases, the prints developed afterward have already outlived their purpose.”
7. And finally, this one really resonated with me: “We shouldn’t still be sorting photos when we reach old age. If you, too, are leaving this task for when you grow old, don’t wait. Do it now. You will enjoy the photos far more when you are old if they are already in an album than if you have to move and sort through a heavy boxful of them.”

As you curate your own mindful memories …

Telling our stories helps us find meaning and purpose in the experiences that have brought us to this point in time. And we learn from each other as we make sense of our own lives.

May curating mindful memories unfold as a meaningful journey! May you treasure the person you’ve become through your life experiences. And may you find peace and purpose in the life you now live.

The post Mindful memories appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Our culture has taught us to “grin and bear it” and that “when the going gets tough the tough get going.” We have responsibilities, expectations, and pressing challenges.

We’re hard-wired to keep at it even when we’re exhausted or overwhelmed. This work ethic serves us well in many situations — and at times, it causes us to get in our own way.

We’re not meant to live at full speed

Full speed is for running from serious threats and protecting ourselves. Our bodies and minds keep us safe by jumping into action when we’re under attack.

But many of us slipped into patterns of moving at full speed all. the. time. We live as if we’re under threat every moment of the day.

It’s counter-intuitive to take a break from the action. We might miss out. Or worse yet, not live up to our own or the world’s expectations.

But we’re paying a price for this mindset of operating at full speed.

We need breathing room

Our bodies, minds and spirits need time to adjust to the experiences we live. We need to recalibrate from the stresses and challenges we face in our every day, extraordinary lives.

And truly, is anything so urgent that we can’t stop for a moment? Will the world stop if we aren’t in constant motion ourselves?

“Taking regular, mindful breaks throughout the day helps to not only improve your concentration and overall productivity but importantly it helps to re-energize your mind.”

Calm.com, 20 Ways to take a mindful break

Mindful breaks heal us

Another definition of being mindful is simply giving one’s full attention to the present moment. Experts say that stepping out of the action, even for a few minutes, reenergizes our body, mind and spirit.

Vibay Chandran Weisbecker, a holistic wellness and mindfulness expert at Mindbody, says to “think of mindfulness breaks as mini stress-recovery sessions.” Quoted in the Well and Good blog, Weisbecker offers 3 Exercises for a Quick Mindfulness Break.

5 signs it’s time to take a mindful break

1. When your emotions are high — we can use time to reevaluate our emotions using the think, feel, act cycle (I wrote about this here: Are you mindfully present?)
2. When your body begins to protest (you’re sick, tired, lack focus) — our bodies tell the story of our lives and won’t let up until we stop and listen.
3. When you no longer feel joy — when we stop enjoying life, we lose our natural enthusiasm and often feel pressure to perform, numb or avoid the act of living.
4. When your mind is spinning in circles, anxious or racing — often we simply need time and space to gather our thoughts, process the circumstances, and make sense of a situation.
5. When you’re stuck — sometimes we can “pull it all together” in our own heads, without outside influence, but sometimes we need a mindfulness break to realize that we need an outside perspective or opinion.

You deserve a mindfulness break: Take it

Only you know how frequently you need a break — or how long those breaks should be. But the more I give myself space and time to be mindful, the more I discover I benefit. Start small and let it evolve!

May you find peace in mindful breaks. May you feel your mind, spirit and body settle. And may you gain renewed energy, passion and purpose in your life.

The post Take a mindful break appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

What keeps us from being mindfully present?

Sometimes we’re simply too busy living our lives to stop and really take notice. And sometimes, we’re overwhelmed by the lives we live — and want to escape, numb or avoid what we need to do, or think we should do.

And can mindful presence transform our lives? I think it can.

But I’m learning that being mindfully present takes active engagement, a curious mind, and a willingness to challenge ourselves to think in new ways. And it’s not a one-time endeavor, it’s more of a lifelong adventure.

Read on for my thoughts and 7 questions to ask yourself about your circumstances!

What does it mean to be mindfully present?

Being present is the act of being fully in the moment. But mindfulness takes it a step further to encompass our intentional response to the environment around us. When we’re mindfully present, we’re here now in this moment, but we’re also paying attention with our five senses.

And when we’re mindfully present, we intentionally control our actions rather than reacting blindly. As human beings, we’re wired to protect ourselves, to avoid danger, to stay alive. We are thinking beings, but many of our thoughts are subconscious and may not be altogether reliable.

Introducing the think, feel, act cycle

I learned about the think, feel, act cycle a couple of years ago. Rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this model helps us better understand the conscious — and unconscious — thought patterns that influence how we navigate life. The model contains five interacting components: Circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.

Faced with a new circumstance, our busy brains think thoughts and make judgements about the situation. Based on those judgements, we feel a particular way (emotions). And our feelings influence how we act — leading to behaviors, outcomes or results.

This cycle happens beneath the surface so many of us don’t pay any attention to it. As we begin to pay attention to our thought processes and patterns, we can shift these ingrained thought habits to help us better navigate our circumstances.

Let’s take a closer look …

What happens when we encounter a new circumstance? When we notice the situation, our brain kicks into gear to make sense of it. Here’s how this might play out with a bear in the yard (if you live in Alaska like me, this actually happens occasionally):

First, we think. We collect facts, such as the symptoms and severity, and we make judgements. If we’ve experienced something similar, we apply what we learned to project what might happen now. These are basic instincts by which our ancestors survived. A bear attacked someone in the woods a couple of years ago; a bear in my yard might attack and kill me.

Then we feel. I don’t want to be eaten by a bear. I’m anxious and afraid, I begin to panic.

And that tells us how we should act. I’m in danger, I better run or hide.

What happens if we mindfully interrupt this cycle?

For starters, psychologists tell us that all circumstances are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge them so with our thoughts and judgements. This makes sense when we think again of the bear — a hunter in bear season (and not in the city) would think of a bear sighting as a good thing. Me, without bear spray in my hand in my back yard, might judge the situation to be unsafe.

Also, we can control our thoughts. We can stop the cycle by first noticing what our brains are telling us.

In the bear situation, we might notice that we’ve jumped to the conclusion that the bear is going to eat us — but actually, it’s not uncommon for bears to come into neighborhoods during the summer, searching for trash or other easy food. We can begin to ask questions: What shelter do I have? How close is the bear? How is it behaving? Will it go away if I make noise?

When we calm our brain from its panicked state, we can begin to change the thought process that leads to sometimes overwhelming feelings — and subsequent actions. This can lead us to more helpful results or outcomes.

Putting it to work in your life

Most of us aren’t facing bears on a regular basis. But we do navigate changing and sometimes challenging circumstances in our lives.

What are some circumstances that you’re navigating now? And how can you be more mindfully present?

As we’ve talked about navigating change in middle adulthood, common situations that may arise include:

• Changing jobs
• Young adult children leaving home (empty nest)
• Relationship changes (losing a spouse or family member, divorce, friendship shifts)
• Illness (yours or a family member’s)
• Moving
• Wanting to change a habit (perhaps to create a new one or change how you’ve typically responded)
• And many more!

Questions to help you be mindfully present

Here are some questions to guide you in being mindfully present to your evolving circumstances:

1. What is the current circumstance?
2. What are my initial thoughts and feelings about the circumstance?
3. And what behaviors or actions does this suggest for me?
4. What story am I telling myself about this circumstance?
5. Could there be a different way to think about it? Another perspective that might serve me better?
6. Who has gone through something similar and what suggestions can they give me?
7. How will I change my reactions — and actions — based on retracing the steps in this cycle?

Being mindfully present takes practice!

Each day, we begin again.

Leanna Tankersley

We show up, we notice. And we give ourselves grace to keep walking on, being a beginner.

May you be mindfully present right now. May you acknowledge and accept how you feel, and open your eyes to view your circumstances in new ways. And may you retrace the cycle to act in the best way possible for you, today❣️

The post Are you mindfully present? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Connecting with others is a cornerstone of life. Relationships give purpose and meaning to our existence. And yet, sometimes relating to those around us is the toughest part of being human.

Being mindful in our relationships can be frustrating — and one of the most courageous acts we undertake in our lives. And investing in relationships can be our most satisfying achievement.

Let me introduce you to Wolfgang …

This is my husband, my partner for 35+ years. He’s my love and arguably my most challenging and rewarding relationship. He’s certainly taught me more about relationships than anyone in my life. And we continue to learn, together.

Just this past week, we had one of those little annoying interactions that I wouldn’t even call an argument. It was about nothing, really NOTHING. But we spent a day and a half not talking about it, revisiting an old hard-wired pattern of coping / not coping. Of course, we worked it out.

And this interaction got me to thinking about how we stay mindful in our relationships with others. Perhaps you’ll find a few nuggets here!

Relationships require investment

The frustrating side of it is that we have to be vulnerable. Research professor and author Brené Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” and “our most accurate measure of courage” (Braving the Wilderness).

To truly connect to another human being, we put ourselves at risk of emotional exposure, without knowing the outcome. No wonder we’re scared.

We don’t like to be vulnerable

We’re consciously or unconsciously afraid. And we’re innately wired to protect ourselves from anything that might hurt us.

And since we’re afraid, we fine-tune a host of coping mechanisms to protect us from vulnerability. We avoid, we distance, we self-numb, we attack, we hide, we speak half-truths and out-right lies.

But often, we’ve developed these patterns of coping for good reason.

Not all relationships are safe

Many of us have had people in our lives that weren’t safe. And often, we didn’t have a choice about their involvement in our lives.

Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that are not physically or emotionally safe. But we’re adults now, free to choose our relationships.

You’re in charge of you

You have the right, and the responsibility to yourself, to ensure your physical and emotional safety. Be aware of red flags in relationships and seek out resources when you’re not physically or emotionally safe. Reach out to a trusted advisor, nonprofit agencies, or authorities if you need help navigating your way into a safer environment.

Always, you get to decide who you’re comfortable being in relationship with, and when and where. You can and should create boundaries to protect your vulnerability, both with individuals and on topics that create a safe environment.

We don’t control the other person in a relationship, but we can make it safe for them to share themselves with us.

Stay present to yourself

If your mind is anything like mine, it’s a beautiful and crazy place. We have a wealth of work to do, just to examine what’s in our own heads.

Keep doing your work.

By staying present to ourselves first we can identify when it’s safe to put ourselves out there for emotional exposure. And sometimes, staying present to our own minds and emotions helps us realize when we’re protecting ourselves in a misguided fashion.

Internalized and unexamined fear can lead us in the wrong direction. Our coping mechanisms kick in subconsciously when we feel threatened. And, we react externally without being aware of our internal drivers.

Staying present is sometimes counter-intuitive

We want to run when we should be turning to engage. It’s exhausting and there are too many emotions. We don’t understand the rules or have the language to communicate properly.

“Many of us struggle with vulnerability because of fear, but we also fail to fully realize all of the ways we protect and distance ourselves from others. It may feel like we’re doing the right thing by keeping our mouths shut, when in fact, we should be doing just the opposite.”

Psychalive, How Embracing Vulnerability Strengthens Our Relationships

When we most want to run or hide, it may be time to pay attention, stay present, and turn toward each other.

Staying present is being courageously vulnerable

Will you accept vulnerability? Do you have a safe person in your life with whom you’re ready to:

• Take a calculated risk on a relationship that’s important to you?
• Accept uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure?
• Have tough discussions even when you’re scared?
• Make a pact with another person to stay present and work together to create a safe environment for each other?
• Keep returning to the conversation?

Staying present in a relationship takes courage and commitment from both parties.

Tips for staying present in relationships

Brené Brown uses the verb and acronym BRAVING to describe seven steps for creating trust in relationships (Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, paraphrased unless in quotes below):

• Boundaries — respect each others’ boundaries, ask if you’re not clear, be willing to say no.
• Reliability — do what you say you’ll do, don’t overpromise, deliver on your commitments.
• Accountability — own your mistakes, apologize or make amends when appropriate.
• Vault — Keep information safe, protect confidences, don’t share what’s not yours to share.
• Integrity — “Choose courage over comfort. Choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.”
• Nonjudgement — Make space for both parties to ask for what they need and talk about feelings without judgement.
• Generosity — “extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words and actions of others.”

Keep leaning in …

I’m beginning to believe in a new philosophy of: “I’m complicated, you’re complicated, and together, we’re even more complicated. Let’s talk about it.” With new or long-term relationships, stepping into this conversation is a process!

May you continue to lean into creating meaningful relationships. May you be courageously present and brave. And may you experience true friendship and love.

The post Staying present in relationships appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

This practice of paying attention to ourselves doesn’t come easily to many of us. We’re much more accustomed to attending to those around us. We’re comfortable with caring for others, and out of practice with caring for ourselves.

But I’m practicing being present, staying mindful in 2022. I’m noticing my busy mind — and remembering a few tips for staying present.

If your mind is so busy you’re tempted to throw your hands up in despair, perhaps these observations will give you the presence of mind to move forward productively!

My mind is busy and I struggle to stay present

On a snowy January day, the snow falls gently outside my window, a snow globe that resembles my busy mind. My mind swirls out of control, and it’s particularly hard to stay attuned to my body, mind and soul.

My thoughts are all over the place and paying attention exhausts me, but I jot down a few notes:

• I feel “off-kilter.” My routine is out of balance as appointments shift and cancel, unexpected tasks arrive, and calls interrupt.
• I can’t focus. I want and try to stay present, but all of the changes and interruptions tug my mind in a million different directions.
• A slightly-agitated and unproductive feeling hangs with me. I tackle small projects, but I’m not making progress on my big goals.
• I’m overwhelmed and disappointed with myself. But I sense that these feelings are just the tip of the iceberg and that more feelings lie under the surface.
• Staying present feels hard. And reminding myself to stay present just annoys me further.

And all of this just makes me want to curl up by the fire while at the same time, I really want and need to be productive!

There’s a battle in my head

And I’m stuck in the middle of conflicting feelings, paralyzed. I have so many things I want and need to do.

But I’m mid-winter tired of this weather and of trying to push through all the things. And, I realize, I’m halfway through a 10-day stretch that was supposed to be a break from winter and a chance to spend time with loved ones.

I’m cranky and disappointed and this weather presses in on me, making me wish for sunshine and connection.

Just acknowledging the battle gives me hope

Perhaps paying attention matters most when we can’t quite name our feelings. Acknowledging the conflict in our hearts and minds helps us pay attention and understand what’s overwhelming us.

We notice the mixed feelings swirling around us, like a snowstorm. We separate from them, describe them and try to name them, however imperfectly.

And knowing the battle’s in my mind feels like an ah-ha moment. Because when we know there’s a fight, we realize there’s an enemy. And that enemy will keep us fighting against ourselves as long as we let it.

And I remember an important lesson about being mindful.

Being mindful is noticing, not fighting feelings

When I did a one-day silent retreat a few years ago, I entered the room with little introduction or knowledge about mindfulness. After spending six of the eight hours struggling with my busy mind, I accepted the leader’s invitation for a one-on-one consultation.

I told her I was surprised at the mental and physical exhaustion of “practicing” being present. The more I tried to be calm and quiet, the busier my mind became.

She wisely and patiently advised me to simply notice my thoughts, not fight them. She suggested I welcome my thoughts, picture them arriving as sediment in a bucket of water, and let them settle gently to the bottom.

Remember to notice

I need this lesson again and again, if I’m honest. My natural inclination is to power on, ignore those pesky feelings, or trample them in the dust of my own expectations of what needs to be done.

But I know where this road leads. I’ve been here many times and it’s not where I want to go today.

So I’ll sit for a minute with my bucket of feelings. Pause, notice. Welcome them in, try to name them as they drift down around me.

Let them come and go. Watch them slowly settle.

Be mindful instead of powering through with a mind full of thoughts and emotions. And as my mind slows and settles, I notice this presence of mind helps me step forward.

What needs tending in this moment?

I remember the check that needs to be sent and I write it out, put it in an envelope, address it, add a stamp. Then I put on my boots and coat and walk it out to the mailbox.

And as I turn back to the house, I notice the snow falling gently and the trees covered again in snow. I hear the birds chirping.

I’m here, present to the beauty around me.

And inevitably, my soul settles.

I’m okay. The world is okay, too.

Being mindful when our minds are full is a gentle practice of paying attention, attending, tending. When we pay attention to our hearts, minds and bodies, we’re here, in attendance. We’re tending to ourselves and to our world.

May you be present for each thought and feeling in your busy mind. May you welcome them like snowflakes falling around you. And as they settle softly around you, may you tend to what needs tending.

You might also like these posts:

Staying present when it’s anything but calm

Staying present when it’s busy

The post Staying present in your life when your mind is busy appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

But staying present is especially important when we’re busy! If we’re not diligent, we give up our calm. Worse yet, we pause the work of growing into better versions of ourselves.

When the pace picks up, we often forget the definition of mindful, “to be deliberately aware of your body, mind, and feelings in the present moment, in order to create a feeling of calm.” *

Below, we talk about what happens if we don’t stay present in our lives. And, we discuss effective ways to stay present so we can move forward with confidence.

What happens if we don’t stay present?

When we get overwhelmed by our responsibilities and the pace of our schedule, we’re surprisingly predictable. Our natural tendency is to it revert to past, less mindful ways of coping with stress.

For example, I have a long-held tendency to push through, and to pressure myself to try harder and do more, so that I don’t let anyone down. I’ve made progress on these innate tendencies, but when I’m overly busy or tired, what happens? I revert to old habits.

When we let down our guard, soul bullies move in

Are you familiar with soul bullies? These bullies are our own internal voices berating us. Soul bullies tell us that we’re not good enough, that we need to do more, that if we don’t push on we will disappoint those we love.

Soul bullies are inner critics, commenting on our (lack of) ability to navigate changing circumstances and situations. Author and speaker Leeanna Tankersly describes this internal talk as getting “sucker-punched by soul bullies,” (Soul bullies hate transformation

They resist change and try to protect us from it. Tankersly says, “when we get close to something that reminds us of who we really are, reminds us of freedom, the Soul Bullies perk up.”

*(For more information on this definition of mindful, check out Staying present in your life when it’s anything but calm.)

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