But the problem with superwoman is that the world begins to rely on her. And when you’re counting on superwoman, you really don’t have to solve your own problems, do you?

Wait, “I’m just being responsible“

Most of us were raised to be responsible for ourselves at the very least, and often for younger siblings. We were taught to do our chores first then play, clean up our messes, finish what we started, and to generally take responsibility for ourselves and the world around us.

And these are all practical and laudable pursuits! But, can responsibility be too much of a good thing? The answer is sometimes: yes.

Sometimes you can be too responsible

Now, before you begin to protest, I’m not saying you should embrace irresponsibility as a practice. Nor am I encouraging you to abandon genuine responsibilities.

What I am suggesting is that there are some of us that occasionally, periodically, or for a season — take on responsibilities that we shouldn’t be carrying. We assume burdens that aren’t ours and pick up loads that others should carry. And, we excuse someone else’s under-functioning tendencies and pick up the slack.

We become “helicopter pilots”

Helicopter pilots (aka helicopter moms) dash around frantically saving those around them from their own irresponsibility. The helicopter mom delivers forgotten lunches or assignments, picks up toys, soothes over arguments, volunteers to make cookies and hovers nearby in case she’s needed.

A helicopter mom is known for saving the day! She gets things done. She’s superwoman.

Everyone needs superwoman

And for those of us who tend to over-function, it can be a bit addicting to be recognized for our efforts. After all, we get more recognition for saving the day than we do for our ongoing day-in, day-out effort of holding down the fort.

And in the busiest seasons of life, as we’re raising kids, working and managing the challenges that come our way, we may easily fall into this over-functioning, overly responsible habit. In fact, it comes quite readily to us.

Have you been playing superwoman?

Perhaps you have fallen into this habit without realizing it. Our intentions are really, really good! We want to be there for our husbands, our children, our bosses. And serving others is part of our womanly DNA.

But there’s a downside to being superwoman.

We can forget our purpose …

Our purpose is more than just picking up all the balls others are dropping. Our purpose is to live genuinely, using our unique talents and skills to contribute to the world in meaningful ways.

The unspoken underbelly to over-functioning for others is that we can stop becoming ourselves. Hear me here. I’m not advocating that we STOP being responsible for those around us, but that we give them authority and license to carry their own burdens. And that we remember deep inside, the responsibility to our own hearts and souls.

Yes, we are nurturers

As wives and mothers, we play important roles in the family. And nurturing those we love is important.

But our goal is always to help the people around us learn and grow into the very best versions of themselves. Always, we are training our children to be smart, capable, and independent of us, relying instead on God and their own inner compass. They need to learn to “pick up their own balls.”

You don’t have to play superwoman

Maybe it’s time to lighten up on yourself! You simply don’t have to be superwoman in every area of your life. You deserve to have heroes helping YOU also.

If you’ve noticed you’re playing superwoman, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate your role(s). Are those around you stepping into responsibilities as part of their own development? Have you in inadvertently picked up tasks that rightfully belong to someone else?

Stepping back will be a process

Learning to let go and having others step up is a messy and imperfect process. Prepare to meet unexpected resistance. But, rest assured Becoming your essential self is worth retraining yourself and those around you!

The post Are you playing Superwoman? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.

Over the years we hold many titles, often including the parochial “chief cook and bottle washer.” Most of us juggle(d) multiple titles, such as wife, mother, sister, daughter, soccer coach or team manager, PTA or Bible study leader, and often PT/FT careers.

But roles shift and move

And as our roles shift and move, we sometimes realize that living this life takes much more than we’d imagined from us. Often, life has brought unexpected difficulties and challenges and isn’t quite the bed of roses we dreamed it would be.

And now in midlife, we sometimes wonder if we’ve left behind our dreams, even though our dreams were just this life. We wanted to be wives and mothers, have jobs or careers, and volunteer.

Ours roles become a delicate balance

The challenge isn’t so much the shifting roles as how suddenly the changes sneak up on us. We’re smart and capable of managing a lot. It’s just that our children need us less and sometimes our parents need us more.

And before we realize it, we can feel like we’re on a tightrope trying to balance our roles and somehow be ourselves in the middle.

We’re letting go of our children

Many of us have invested ourselves deeply in raising kids. As they gain independence, our role shifts. Once they relied on us for EVERYTHING.

Now we are cheerleaders, advisors, a safe and reliable home base. With children, the tension of letting go is our daily life.

At the same time, our parents need us more

Parents who have been our advisors and support gradually begin to need our help. And this also brings tension of changing roles: the tension of grabbing hold, providing more and more support.

Like our children, our parents value their independence. And few of us want for them to have any less control of their lives. But aging comes to all of us and with it comes certain limitations of body, mind and spirit.

Stepping into supporting our parents requires a delicate balance, a dance. As I’ve stepped into a supportive role with my parents, the philosophy that guides me is to support them in doing as much as they can on their own. And, more importantly, to give them a safety net and a balancing hand when they need it.

We’re a much-needed link in the middle

While it’s sometimes challenging to define our role sandwiched in the middle of our children and our parents, I can think of no greater privilege than being this link. We see the energy and hope in the future — and strength and perseverance in the past.

In the middle, we can take the long view. In the long line of ancestors and descendants, none of us are perfect, nor will we ever be so. Our grandparents and parents made mistakes — and they learned. We also live imperfectly. And we know our children will forge ahead, hopefully learning from prior generations, by trial and error.

And yet, it’s up to us to define our role

Our role here in the middle is much about putting our arms out in both directions, providing support and encouragement, and linking the generations. And yet, our exact role will be uniquely ours, depending on the circumstances in our lives.

Much like the gal on the tightrope in the photo, we need to find “our pose,” our place in life. Brene Brown refers to this process of discovering your identity in midlife as “unraveling.” Often messy, rarely easy, the process unfolds over time. And it’s a journey each of us has to make for ourselves.

Our roles are complicated — and simple

In a poem titled, “Like Mother, Like Daughter” in the delightful book When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple, editor Sandra Martz brings us a bit of perspective when it comes to relationships in the middle.

“I now mother my mother when I can no longer mother my daughter who is older than I have ever felt myself to be.”

Susan S. Jacobson

Yes, life in the middle can be complicated, and yet, I am inspired by so many smart and capable women doing it well. Finding your unique midlife role is a rewarding journey, and it’s great to have traveling companions also finding their way.

Often we need time and space to unravel

So I hope that you’ll continue to join me here, in this space and on Facebook and Instagram. Here, we’ll take time out together to explore our role(s) in midlife. Thanks for joining in!

The post What’s my role in the middle? appeared first on Elaine Junge, Writer & Blogger.