Reflecting on 2020: A Year of Change

Reflecting on 2020 to learn and grow means mentally and emotionally processing a year of widespread change. The global pandemic created change that was disruptive, chaotic and unpredictable. This change was pervasive, impacting individuals, family, community and work routines.

And when change throws us off course, we often find ourselves emotionally tangled and paralyzed. Many of us experienced this sense of confusion and paralysis over and over again with constant shifts throughout 2020.

Below, I share some great ways to process these changes. But first, an analogy and some reflections on 2020.

2020 Analogy: White water kayaking

As I think about the year, the analogy that seems the best fit is white water kayaking. Without a map. In uncharted territory. With unpredictable weather.

The year began with deceptively smooth waters, yet I realize now that the kayak was poised at the top of a pretty big waterfall ahead. We all know now the year was anything but predictable.

Reflecting helps us process these changes

The process of working through our thoughts and feelings during periods of change can transform us. We learn a lot by reflecting on experiences. One of my favorite mentors, Emily P. Freeman, often shares a quote from one of her mentors:

“It’s not the experience that brings transformation, it’s our reflection upon our experience.”

Jan Johnson

So we begin by reflecting on the year.

Oh 2020, you had us fooled

This time last year, social media feeds were filled with predictably futurist messages about 2020 vision and the optimistic beginning of a new decade. Most of us were excited about the adventures ahead — and expected a steady, quiet year of growth.

Personally, I was excited about a trip to Southeast Asia in January/February and greatly anticipating a year-long writing mastermind. Life was busy and full, and I anticipated spending a lot of time keeping up with my Alaska family and traveling to Oregon to assist my parents.

To return to the kayaking analogy, we were anticipating a quiet ride on a smooth river!

And at the heart of it all: Southeast Asia

We could not have known when we booked our cruise a year earlier that Southeast Asia would be the beginning of a pandemic. Even when we left Alaska in mid-January, we had not yet heard of Covid-19, the coronavirus, or Wuhan, China.

On January 12, My husband and I and his parents boarded a plane and headed to Singapore. Our trip spanned Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and Hong Kong. As the media coverage of a new virus picked up throughout the world, friends and family reached out to be sure we were okay.

We did have minor changes to our itinerary but the risk at the time was quite low, albeit heating up quickly. All things considered, we greatly enjoyed our visit during the Lunar New Year / Vietnamese Thet holidays and arrived safely home in early February.

A useful tool for reflection: The Bridges Transition Model

One way to understand and navigate the changes we experienced in 2020 is to use the Bridges Transition Model I referenced in a September blog post about Transitioning through change. This powerful model identifies transition as “the inner process through which people come to terms with a change.”

William Bridges described the phases in his model as: 1) an ending or phase of letting go,  2) a neutral zone or phase of “suffering the confusing nowhere of in-between-ness,” and 3) a new beginning or launching forward in a new situation.

It feels like we’ve been going through a series of transitions as well as one giant transition all at once! Anyone else’s head still spinning?

We did indeed have to let go of a lot in 2020. But truthfully, I spent much of the year in that “confusing nowhere of in-between-ness.” It’s been so difficult to feel as though we could launch forward in any direction.

Reflecting on 2020: Rise of the pandemic

At the beginning of the year, we were all getting up to speed. What is a coronavirus? How did it start and how is the virus transmitted? What are the symptoms? Is it really dangerous? Are we at risk? What can we do to protect ourselves?

First, we needed information and perspective to identify the situation

• On February 7, after our trip, I first wrote about the coronavirus on my blog: Should you be concerned about the coronavirus? Looking back, the advice I gave then stood well over the remainder of the year: 1) Know the basic facts, 2) Watch the trends, 3) Put it in context, and 4) Take appropriate precautions for your area and circumstances.
• I wrote about Southeast Asia and touched again on the Covid-19 on February 28, with a post titled Shift your midlife perspective with international travel. Our trip to Southeast Asia gave me a fresh new angle on world issues and events — and a unique perspective on the pandemic.

Then, we began letting go

In early March, I had just returned from meeting my new writing cohort in California when my father fell and broke his hip. I hopped on a plane to Oregon and got him through a surgery before the hospital had a Covid case and shut down all visitors.

Within just a few short weeks, our lives changed dramatically. I helped get dad transferred to a rehabilitation facility, then headed back home amidst new travel restrictions and quarantine rules.

We were required to social distance and wear masks wherever we went. Many of us began working from home (except “essential workers”), schools shut down, stores and restaurants closed or reduced capacity, and travel was drastically limited. Hospitals, dentists and doctors limited visits and visitors. And we could no longer visit our elderly loved ones residing in assisted living or nursing homes.

Over the next few weeks, I wrote several posts about supporting aging parents during a pandemic, including: Covid-19: How to help your elderly parent when you can’t visit, Five low-tech ways to connect virtually with your senior parents, Long distance social support for elderly parents, and Managing medical conditions as a long-distance caregiver during Covid-19.

And most of the year was in that confusing middle zone

We all were caught in the phase that Bridges referred to as “suffering the confusing nowhere of in-between-ness.” In 2020, this was characterized by intense focus on statistics such as: case counts, daily case rates, testing rates, percentages of positive test results, hospitalizations, and sadly, death rates.

And throughout the country and the world, we debated on numerous topics. Is Covid-19 really that serious? Are masks effective or not effective? Will businesses, especially small businesses, be able to sustain closures and reduced services? What long-term impacts will our children suffer from social distancing and distance learning? Are we doing more harm than good by isolating our highest-risk elderly when they most need emotional connection?

And on a personal level, is it safe to go to the grocery store? Can I work from home? Will my kids go to school this week? Or, how do I work from home and supervise my children’s schoolwork or manage little ones no longer able to attend daycare? Can I see my parents yet? How do we navigate a memorial service? Or a wedding? Do I have Covid?! What are the quarantine/isolation rules again? What are the latest mandates? Was that local or statewide? And, when is that vaccine coming? When will it be safe?

And even beyond the pandemic, we had the confusion of long-standing and deeply rooted racial issues. Following the death of George Floyd in May, the country erupted in riots and deep conversations in every form of media.

And on top of that, the U.S. had a presidential election. Despite the pandemic, voter turnout exceeded every year since 1900. And for the first time since 1992, an incumbent president did not secure a second term.

We had so many questions in 2020. And so many opinions.

And now it’s almost a new year and time to look forward

Despite many unanswered questions, we need to at least begin to look forward as we manage this transition through change. We’re processing all of this individually and as communities, organizations and entities.

The best advice I’ve heard recently comes from Brené Brown. She encourages us to acknowledge that we will continue to go through new experiences beyond 2020. She shared her thoughts during her December 9 Unlocking Us “on-my-mind” podcast: Brené on The Queen’s Gambit, Revisiting FFTs, and Resting Our Tired Brains.

Brené first spoke about FFTs, or effin’ first times, in a May podcast, providing three strategies for navigating. On this latest podcast, she shared her opinion that “as long as we’re engaged with living, we’re going to find ourselves up against FFTs daily, maybe hourly on some days.”

She added two more strategies for a total of five that include:

“Name it, give a perspective, reality check the expectations, build in rest and recovery, and get and stay in fit FFT condition, whatever that means for you. 

Brené Brown

Thanks for sticking with me on this longer post! I’ll share a few thoughts from my personal observations over the next few weeks and we’ll continue the conversation on social media.

In the meantime, keep your oars in the water and your kayak upright — the ride continues.