Transitioning through change

Change is a constant in our lives, even more so during a global pandemic, yet we rarely talk about transitioning through change. In fact, the words we use to talk about change are often vague and unclear.

The word change itself has become over-used and thus, almost meaningless. No wonder we have trouble negotiating change.

I’ve spent some time this week researching and thinking about change in more depth. With so much change in our lives, it seems we should be thinking about it more mindfully. Here are some of my observations.

There is a practical side to navigating change

We often think of the practical steps we need to do to address a change. When a change happens, we tend to focus immediately on getting from point A, before the change, to point B, after the change.

We can describe the physical things we will do as a reaction to the change. Often, these steps are written on our to-do lists in a season of change. These steps are tangible, concrete, not always simple, but they are easily doable.

Here are a few common midlife examples:

• My children are going to college — I need to ensure they have financing, help them get registered, secure housing, set up their new home, etc.
• My parent dies — I need to coordinate the celebration of life, go through belongings, take care of the finances, perhaps sell a home.
• I’ve just gone through a divorce or the death of my husband — now I need to pay the bills, figure out how to fix the plumbing, mow the lawn or run the carpool on my own.
• Or, I’ve lost my job or changed careers — I need to find or learn a new job, meet new co-workers, learn new skills.

But we rarely discuss transitioning through change

One of the leading models of change is The Bridges Transition Model, developed decades ago. William Bridges differentiated between transitions and change, saying:

“Transition is not just a nice way to say change. It is the inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of how things used to be and reorient themselves to the way that things are now.”

William Bridges, revised by Susan Bridges, Transition as the ‘Way Through’

Transitioning is inner work

With William Bridge’s transition model, we begin to explore the mental, spiritual and emotional side of change. We can break it down into the external change (what’s happening to us) and the internal transition (how we come to terms with the change). And when we do that, we realize we’ve found an often overlooked component: How we’re actually processing and dealing with the change.

This process of transition is essential. Many times, readers and friends will say that they are overwhelmed, disillusioned, and feeling like they can’t catch a break. They’re saying, “what about me?” Or, I’m not where I thought I’d be.

And what they’re really saying is …

They’re having a hard time processing change

They’re not processing the change well because they’re thinking about it as simply a “to do” list, something to check off on a list and “get over.” I know, I’ve been there!

William Bridges’ transition phases help us navigate life’s changes, whether slow-moving or sudden. He describes the phases as:

1.  An ending or phase of letting go,
2.  A neutral zone or phase of “suffering the confusing nowhere of in-between-ness,”
3. And a new beginning or launching forward in a new situation.

This model gives us a way forward

Simply understanding that we are navigating a somewhat predictable path helps us better assess our next steps. We can more easily identify key actions to help us become unstuck and move forward.

When we think of change as an opportunity to transition, to make the mental, spiritual and emotional changes internally, we find the ground beneath our feet. We have a way to talk about the change in a way that is meaningful to our individual experience of it. And, over time, we’re able to regain our footing and find our path forward.

Maybe you’ve undergone sudden and rapid change. Perhaps your life has been a series of slow and steady changes you haven’t yet taken the time to process. Or maybe, it’s a subtle combination of changes big and small. For a better transition, you can slow down, acknowledge the loss or ending before your change, settle into the “in-between-ness,” and prepare yourself to better step into a new beginning.

So how do you transition through change?

The first step is to recognize that you’re entering or have entered a transition phase. Whether you’re letting go of a major life stage or simply slowing waking up to realize you aren’t living the life you are meant to live — you will benefit from intentionally stepping into change.

You now understand you’re embarking on a transition and acknowledge that you have choices. And while you may not think you have choices when you are in the midst of struggle (which is your internal resistance to change), you do.

Recognize that you do have choices

When you’ve been hit hard by life or feel trapped, you may not be in a space to consider your choices. Yet you still have choices. You may feel like your life is following a course over which you have not control.

You may be hurt or scared, even angry at God. There is a path ahead. You need time with the God of the universe who will fill you with his deep purpose.

Look for patterns

You can start to distinguish patterns in your transition, such as:

• Your sons and daughters are leaving the nest. This is an event that others have navigated. What can you read, learn, acknowledge in the letting go of your children and transitioning to interacting with young adults. And what does this mean for your other relationships?
• Your father has died, how are others navigating through grief and loss?
• You’ve just gone through a divorce or the death of your husband, how do you grieve the loss and move forward?
• Or, you’ve made a change with your job, now what?

And what about multiple changes, all at once? Break them down individually. Specifically acknowledge each change and consider where you are in the process of letting go, muddling through, or beginning again.

Transitioning through change can be very slow. But I find that when I chip away at it, it’s much easier to find a new path forward.

Transitioning through change successfully = transformation

Ultimately, when you successfully navigate a transition, you are transformed, a new person. You literally change yourself in the process of working through the changes in your situation.