4 introvert strategies for connecting

For introverts, connection is important — but we need strategies for pacing our interactions. As much as introverts need breathing space and time alone, most of us also need connection to fuel our souls. It’s ironic that after writing about my need for breathing space I spent a whirlwind two weeks traveling and spending time with my husband, family, a friend of 40+ years, and an amazing group of writers! From this experience, I gained 4 introvert strategies for connecting.

Despite a crazy schedule, my introvert heart overflows from connecting with others at a timing and pacing that worked for me. In retrospect, my knowledge of my breathing space needs gave me just the right strategies to connect with others while pacing myself to avoid overload.

This trip was really three trips in one, scheduled back to back to make best use of time and money (a necessity sometimes when traveling from Alaska). The first leg of my trip was with my husband and his cousins on the Kitsap Peninsula in Western Washington. The second portion was in Central Oregon with my parents and extended family. And the final few days were spent at a writing conference in North Carolina where a long-time friend hung out with me when I wasn’t at the conference.

Here’s an overview of the 4 introvert strategies for connecting with others that helped me maintain my need for space. You may find these strategies helpful as well.

Introvert strategy #1: Have a general plan for connecting with breathing room

Knowing that this was a longer trip, I prioritized connecting with people and avoided planning too many activities. For each location, I arranged a place to stay and transportation. I communicated arrival and departure times along with necessary logistics, but left space for details to unfold. Having breathing room in the schedule slowed the pace and helped me feel more relaxed.

We built this in from the beginning. When my husband and I arrived in Seattle we took an Uber downtown. We had a couple of hours before we caught the ferry to walk around the piers, visit stores and eat lunch as we transitioned into vacation mode. After our ferry trip, we spent a delightful hour catching up in a local wine bar while we waited for his cousin to wrap up her meeting.

Introvert strategy #2: Schedule time for connecting with those important to you

In Oregon, my main objective was to spend time with my parents, my aunt, a close friend in town, and my brothers and their families. By arranging time individually and in small groups, I had the opportunity for deeper interactions in more relaxed settings — and this worked surprisingly well.

And, leaving space between the scheduled activities helped me unwind and relax between activities. I even walked 3.5 miles one day, getting coffee and stopping to take pictures.

Introvert strategy #3: Give yourself a break from connecting

Building in nourishing settings can give you a break from connecting. One of my favorite parts of the trip was staying at a small and rustic cabin in the woods of North Carolina. When I booked my reservations I intentionally avoided the larger hotel chains, knowing that being in this setting for four nights would drain me. When I found the cabin on AirBNB, I instinctively knew that being close to nature would refresh and renew.

My one concern when I booked the cabin was staying alone. When my friend decided to join me, it was a double bonus — allaying my concerns and giving me the opportunity for an extended visit. We had such a good time catching up, having lunch at a local creperie, and sitting on the back porch watching the sun set over the lake. I also took time to walk around the lake by myself, taking photos and enjoying the quiet.

Introvert strategy #4: In social gatherings, use natural activities for connecting one on one or in small groups

Connecting with others in a large group setting such as a conference can be difficult for introverts. While my career involved a lot of networking and I know the ropes, I have a tendency to fade into the background in large groups. My conference was an extension of an online writing group so it was a friendly crowd, but I had not met a single person in “real life.”

When the organizers asked for volunteers to help greet, I quickly raised my hand. Volunteering gave me a natural purpose for interacting and made it much easier to start conversations. The three fellow greeters on my shift soon became new friends. I also met people I sat near during the presentations, in line for meals, and at the conference booths. I set small goals for connecting with people, such as meeting one new person on a break, or exchanging a card with two or three people at lunch.

Introvert strategy tip: Consider reaching out to people standing alone. In large social settings, you can almost always find an introvert friend glancing at a phone, picking up a book at a table, or stepping outside to take a break. And like you, they are grateful for someone else starting a conversation.

A recipe for inspiration: Balance positive connection with quiet renewal

As introverts, we need a strategy for connecting that allows us to maintain our balance. We must both inhale and exhale. And, we need rest, time to contemplate, and renew. We also need interaction and time with others. When we strike a good balance, we fill our souls with connection and the space we need for creative purpose.

May you find a wonderful balance of inhaling and exhaling. May you connect with others at a pace that is comfortable and meaningful for you. And may you find peace and joyful purpose as you connect.